Need this to get better

[Coolvibes]

Ever since I can remember I’ve struggled with depression. Every effort seems to have been for nothing and my quality of life is lower than its ever been. I just want to enjoy life but It’s like I’m trapped in a box. I’ve tried having rewarding relationships for years but I always end up alienating myself after judgement. People don’t understand the illness and how it effects everything.

I have little ones and I am terrified that they could have a similar experiences and I have no way to help guide them successfully because I struggle. I just desire for this to go away. How do you all deal?

[lovetodance2018]

I am so sorry you are struggling with depression. Depression is an illness but does not have to control your life. Are you on medication for your depression? Most often depression is due to a chemical imbalance. It takes the right medication, dosage, and counseling to begin to heal. It may take a while to find what works best for you. My depression started after my youngest daughter was 6 months old and I have struggled on and off for over 20 years. Once I truly learned the patterns of behavior that lead to my depression I have barely struggled. I had to learn to give myself a break, not be so hard on myself, accept who I am as a person and not allow others to control me. I also journal my thoughts, surround myself with inspirational music such as God will Make a Way bit.ly/1InIhuT and pray daily. I know you are able to get better with the right help. I know how hard it is to want to feel good for your little ones, but it feels impossible (trapped), that nothing seems to work, but with the right help, you will see a difference. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you. So glad you reached out here. Hugs and Blessings!

[Coolvibes in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thanks for the response. Honestly things have not been good. I am full of sadness and anxiety. This weekend I became so anxious that I have just kinda shut down. Suicidal thoughts are trying to overtake my mind and for the first time, I’m scared.

I’ve battled with depression since childhood and have tried just about everything to be healed. I am also a woman of faith and in my spiritual journey I am being opened to the belief that I will be covered if I need to go the medication route. My concern is that off of meds I don’t attempt to harm myself but what if I have a negative response? Then what? Especially now battling the feeling of worthlessness.

From since I can remember, the holidays were always a battle with overwhelming sadness and this year it has been intense. I just want to be healthy and present for my family but this seems as if it’s out of my control.

[lovetodance2018]

How are you doing this week? My thoughts and prayers have been with you. Hugs!

[Coolvibes in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thanks for the support and love, I need it. I appreciate you

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Coolvibes]

If you need to chat, know I am available and you can send me a pm. I hope you have a blessed week. Hugs!