Just want to get better

[iAmRay]

This is my first post on this site, I wasn’t really sure where else to turn... I’ve been dealing with depression ever since I can remember, I’m now almost 25 years old. I’ve never really known how to express what I’m really feeling, so I just put on a mask to make everyone think I’m okay. I keep feeling like it’s my job to be the strong one with nothing wrong, when really I feel like I’m drowning...all I want is to save myself, but what if I’ve used up on my strength on faking my own happiness for so long?

[kenster1]

hi and welcome to you.you are not alone in your battle with depression/anxiety.it is time though to start talking and expressing your feelings.the first person you talk to will release a huge weight of relief from your mind.please talk to someone about how you feel.its time to take the mask off and show the real current you it really will help and im sure people will understand and support you every step of the way.

[Hidden]

I am new here as well...I totally understand the 'drowning' feeling. The main reason why I am here on this site...I just need a to talk to people who know how get and understand what I am feeling.

[Tamka39]

Am been struggling with depression and anxiety and PTSD since 8 and am 41 and I still struggle to have a lot of good and bad days what helps me is talking about it in getting it out and I think everybody go through depression when the winter months comes

[faulhallen]

Hello Ray and welcome to the group!

I know you’re exhausted and feel like there’s no hope because you’ve used up everything you have left but let me assure you you haven’t.

Whether it’s possible to admit to yourself or not, you’re here because you haven’t given up hope. Not fully anyway.

I’m not going to lie and say that one day everything will be great because there will be bad days. You won’t be sleeping well, something happens in your life and for a while even the best coping mechanisms don’t seem to work, but with the right changes in your thinking and your life you’ll find you have more energy.

I’m a bit distracted so I’ll stop here but know you aren’t alone and things can get at least a good bit better. You’re always welcome to message me if you need to talk or just vent. Best of luck and welcome again! 🙂

[adeo888]

It took a long time for a diagnosis and recognition of what was going on inside me. In my mind, it was worse than hell. Deep, deep, deep in the back of my head, part of me knew I was not worthless, pathetic and irredeemable. Sorry for the religious context here but in my religion ... hell doesn't have innocents in it. Yet ... there I was, in a place so dark and painful that it felt like I imagine hell would and yet I was innocent. Worse, I just couldn't dig myself out of that darkness. During the period before my diagnosis and treatment, I did everything I could to not let others see the darkness I felt. Honestly, that was so exhausting and saying that doesn't do the truth of it justice. It was emotionally and physically exhausting. Finally, when I started to get meds and therapy and slowly made improvement, I remember when my therapist asked me the questions my doctors never asked ... the ones about whether or not you want to kill or harm yourself. My answer was vague to my therapist. I had to tell him that I didn't want to die. I just wished the doctor could knock me out until it I was better. That time it took for medicines to start working and then for them eventually get to a dosage that let me get back to, not normal, but at a place where I could keep working on what I was doing before my world turned dark ... it took way too long. I totally understood why they were asking me that question but it was also getting annoying at the time. All I wanted by then was to just get better.

[pink318]

Hi- Welcome!

I’m sorry you are having such a tough time. Please try to talk to someone you can trust. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, please do so. It will be a big help.

I pray that you can get the help you need to get better. Please do not lose hope. Please keep sharing, we are here for you. God bless.