Fighting

I'm new here,been battling with depression and anxiety since 25,now I'm 38,with some ups and downs.I had a 8 year relationship but my partner never saw me in my low..this year was a very hard one,I was trying to get pregnant,was selling the house,and like a spiral my depression and anxiety appeared again ..my partner didn't knew how to cope with my dark thoughts and just left me..when I needed support and love he just disappeared,pack a bag and left..I thought of killing myself but didn't had the courage,how could someone who said loved me left when I needed the most? I feel so lonely and in such a dark place now..fighting everyday not to give up..

[fauxartist]

This happens to a lot of us sadly. When a partner does not understand our depression and isn't willing to stay for the long haul, we are the ones left behind. But in reality, it takes two to make things work and he is just as much responsible, because he was with you long enough to know what he was getting in for, I am sorry this happened and I know it's heartbreaking....there really are no words that can make us feel better other than your not alone with this. Don't place all the blame on yourself please, this disease is not your fault and there is no cure, just management and coping....and even then we still have the emotional ups and downs. This is a good time for you to do some work on you and start doing what you need to do to feel better and get through these stages of grief and loss. then for me after a 15yr marriage...I started doing things I liked to do and things my ex- wasn't interested in....I liked jazz and I likes concerts....I liked museums. So...I did what I wanted to and after all the separations of stuff, and doing my best to ignore all the blame and shame bullshit....I closed the doors, and changed the locks.

That was almost 10 years ago and I completely have my life back, a healthier relationship, and I'm happisher...and that's good enough.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I cried alone so many times just to hide my feelings,I started losing weight and not sleeping..I told him how I felt..he said he understood but he never did..in the end he told me couldn't be with someone who had such a pessimistic approach on life..it broke me in pieces with those words..I have my pets,I have my parents,I keep hanging on for them

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

for all you know he was messing around....and in reality we all grow seperate ways too. But most are too much of a coward to say so. not of course that is you care...but it sounds like he's blaming you a bit too easily for his leaving. and i call bullshi.

[Dutch-girl in reply to Hidden]

Your parents and your pets need you, want you, love you. I often feel that I am only hanging on for my parents as well; then I realize my family (and pet when I had a dog) is enough to get me through another day. You are needed, you are wanted and you are loved...remember that when all else seems to be crumbling.

[Hidden]

I am also trying to cope with the loss of a long-term relationship. I have similiar feelings that when I needed her, when I was actually trying to make positive changes, she walked away.

It doesn't make it any easier to deal with but do we need to be with someone who isn't there when we need them.

I understand the suicidal thoughts as well.

It doesn't take courage to die...it takes courage to live.

You matter. I am here if you need to talk.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I wanted so much to fight but he just didn't want to fight with me..he took the easier path..thank you for your words

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I begged her to stay long enough to see the positive changes...counseling...medication.

But she left anyway.

Being alone is what I fear most, and just as you, I have a supportive family...and 2 Boxers (it's ok to laugh...Tater and Mater).

You,me , all of us will get through this.

We may have to lean on each other, but we will get through it.

You are not alone.

[Anxiousdude]

I’m sorry that totally sucks. I thinks it’s hard for people to understand that don’t have these issues. They think , we’ll i get anxious sometimes so I know what you are going through. I get mad sometimes because it isn’t the same thing. Right now I feel like I’m going to pass out just writing this. Keep on fighting though. You will find someone better.

[Sillysausage234]

The good thing about this site is we all totally understand you 🕊

[tamka38]

Sorry u are having a hard time right now believe me I understand what you going through I was in a relationship on and off for 17 years and when I got depressed 2 years ago he left me so fast telling me he couldn’t handle my depression or anxiety and was blaming me for not leaving the house and the list went on anyway I found out he was messing around on me and everybody knew it but me because I wasn’t leaving my house because of depression and anxiety I was already broken fighting my mental illness but finding that out hurt even more and right now today he will still say is my fault but my aunt always told me sometimes u need to be alone to get to know yourself all over again and she have faith big as a mustard seed and she always prayed for me and whatever u do don’t give up on yourself remember you’re love and you’re important and if u ever need someone to talk too am here for u you’re never a long as long as u have God or whatever higher power u believe in

[Chief123]

Yo are not alone a lot of us here are going thru that myself included. My marriage is hanging on by a thread because of my struggles with mental illness despite the fact I finally found the right therapy and meds after a lifetime of suffering and many years of other therapies and meds that didn’t work. I say to you what I say to myself: don’t give up, be good to yourself, in the end I’ll be ok

[CaramelGal]

If he can’t deal with you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve your best!! Don’t give up

[Chief123]

Even though the replies to this post weren’t meant for me, they have really helped me feel less alone. I am in the same situation as all of you who replied to filmnoir’s post. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it has truly been helpful.

[Hidden in reply to Chief123]

We will be ok,it will take time,good days and bad days,pain and crying,but we can do it..and to the one's who left us,they weren't helping us anyway,they were too busy in their selfish,loveless and empty lives,hugs

[upsetmamma]

I know it’s sounds cliche, but don’t give up because things will get better. New meds, maybe therapy, one small step at a time.