All alone

[KikiK]

I feel so alone even though i have 4 kids (all under 10) . I feel so lost at most times and have completely lost my identity in this world. The 2 people i rely on the most in this world (my mom and husband) currently cant stand 1 another which has made life very very hard. I spoke to my mom everyday and now i havent spoken to her in 5 days... coz the last time we spoke we fought coz she wants me to leave my husband of 12 years. Our marriage has not been easy but we willing to wanna give it a go for the upteenth time but my mother dont want to offer her support for me. So currently im in a situation whereby i choose my mother and i loose my husband that i love even though there has been very very trying times in our marriage. That people (my family) say i am pathetic to want to stay in a marriage like this. I still want to try for my kids for myself and the fact that i dont want a divorce. But i find myself just thinking if only i wasnt here then i wouldnt have to worry all the time. About money or making it thru the day. When i get up in the morning i cant wait for it to be night time so i can take my sleeping tablet and just have those 7hours of not thinking of all my problems. I cant even remember the last time i actually was happy or laughed or stopped worrying. Its hurts so much being me and i just want it to stop

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your in such a tough position. But it's even sadder that your mom is not supporting your decision to just keep trying in your marriage....what does she expect you to do to support your kids and put a roof over their heads and all the other stuff, bills, doctors, dentist, all that stuff that's hard for two parents...it's near impossible for a single mom. I can tell you from experience that single parents have a hard road.

Is your mother willing to support you and your kids?

[KikiK in reply to fauxartist]

My mother has been supporting me and my 2 out of the kids financially not my husband. Which is probably why she feels she does have an authority to say that bcoz she feels she pays ir because how can i want to stay with some1 who doesnt look after me the way a husband should. And that she raised me up alone and even leaving 3 marriages for her that were no good she was strong and left and calls me pathetic for not being strong and leaving.

[Missnoname in reply to KikiK]

How is it stronger to up and leave every time there is a problem than to try to keep your family together despite bad circumstances?

Being a single mom sucks. I'm just being honest. The worst part is shared custody and not seeing my kids for 3 days at a time. I never anticipated that, but that's the way courts lean nowadays. I can say that I had very good reason for leaving,but had I known I wouldn't be tucking my kids in half the time I probably would have decided differently. Only you know what is right for you and your family.

[KikiK in reply to Missnoname]

Its so true Missnoname. I totally agree with you. There is such alot of people who days be strong for your kids and think that leaving is easier. Its not. All the inspirational quotes online nowadays is about empowering yourself (which i fully agree with too) but what about empowering both partners to make it work or try to even though they trying for the upteenth time. But thank you for sharing coz in being alone with my kids and not having their dad there even though for 30mins he was at least there giving me 30min everyday to be and do me or taking them coz i needed to study. But doing it alone is not easy. I just wish my mother would see it that way. But again thank you.

[Missnoname in reply to KikiK]

No problem. I have issues with loneliness sometimes as I travel for work and I'm never in the same place long enough to make friends. I'm gone 3 days a week and my kids come back within a half hour of my return home and go back to their dad's an hour before I leave again. No time to have friends, let alone date, and no family. Feel free to message me if you ever wanna chat. 🙂

[Ann10]

I'm sorry to hear that you are having struggles in your marriage and that you are not speaking with your mom now. That is a difficult situation to handle. You realize that bit.ly/marriage_takes a lot of hard work. You sound determined to keep your family together. I hope that you can resolve your issues with both of them.