I was feeling pretty good the last few weeks, and today I think I put too much on my plate. Job hunting online, while also trying to lay low and just work on myself. Got an email from an old high school teacher who wanted me to come in and help his kids (music related) but I have been actively letting go of that part of myself due to trauma I experienced years ago. Not doing music things and doing new things has helped me in the now. It’s an opportunity to help kids outside of myself, but I am not in a position right not mentally or emotionally to do something like that right now. I don’t even want to revisit that part of myself. And a lot of shame and depression is hitting me right now. Like I should be jumping to help, but I don’t want to reopen wounds. When I don’t think about it, when I let go of it, life is easier. It was a part of me that isn’t me anymore. I’m not a musician anymore, and it’s one experience someone is asking me to be a part of, but I feel lower than dirt right now. I think it’s time to actively seek therapy again. This is too much. I wish that I was more confident and reassured in myself, but I am not in that capacity right now.