Things are not okay at all. I’m deeply depressed with high anxiety and irritability. So on edge.
I tell someone who I think I trust how I feel and the person is acting tired of me now, of hearing it, angry, and so am I. It breaks my heart. I can’t talk to anyone in my life anymore. It’s so hurtful. I will isolate from my enemies. My self esteem is so low now. I feel like one of them, one of my enemies.
I work hard and I’m tired of jumping to do so much for the people who don’t act like they care about me. How can I stand anymore to be in this anguish? It’s all building up. I wish there would be an accident that would take me because I no longer wish to live. I don’t feel I am living anyway. The light and hope are my kids and God. But I feel separated from them.
Maybe writing this will help but am so afraid it will make things worse. So much is going wrong. It’s probably all my fault.
I spoke to someone recently who gave positive perspective on life and it’s troubles, a hopeful fresh look but now that I have slipped down I just can’t even see it straight anymore.