Over whelmed

[ronnellstc]

I haven't posted in several weeks, between work, and my boyfriend going for a paternity test for his daughter, life has been hectic. For starters I am running a department of 9 doctors by myself because my co-worker has been out for almost 3weeks. There isn't enough staff to give me help. Court for my boyfriend to establish paternity was on 10/26/18, we find out results on 11/26/18. we are about 97% sure the child is his, but there is always that small doubt. His ex is your text book narcissist and a manipulator. Things were going good, she was sending him photos of the baby, but every time he would tell her to let go of the past, they are toxic for each, and he does not plan on leaving me, she would start withholding photos and information on the baby for days at a time, then when she did respond, she would tell him what a horrible person he is etc.

He has had her belongings at his house since last April when she left, she never made an attempt to get them. It wasn't until the baby was born and she decided to give him info, that she finally picked up her clothes. There are lager items that can not fit in a car that need to be picked up. So they had agreed on her getting them by 11/15/18 . Last Friday he reached out to his ex's mom to let her know that the 15th was coming up soon and to please come get the stuff so that we can have family over for thanksgiving. He had made some comments about trying to be a good father to the baby, to which the ex's mother basically told him that he was worthless, and could never be a good father, that if he was a real man he would give up his rights and walk away. This completely broke him. All he has ever wanted to do was be a good father and be part of his daughter's life ( she will be 2 mos old on the 19th)

I feel horrible because i can't fix it for him. I was a bit offended by what was said as well. I don't drive due to PTSD, and i take public transportation when needed. So when the comment about not having a car made him less of a person, it really hit me hard.

I have been saying my anxiety affirmations multiple times a day, but everything is too much for me right now. I was to walk away from work, but i have another 2 hours to go.

[Iloveart7]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now!

[6ixtyon1]

I hope your state supports parental rights...I know the paternity test will help, and forearmed is forewarned.

My nephew went through something similar...just so sad. He did not take the ex's comments to heart, though, and he turned out to be the terriffic dad he always knew he was--intention with heart is what counts. The fact that your boyfriend cares is gold...the fact that you are supporting him is fantastic. In spite of the ex's pot-shots, I think you both have yourselves in the right place, to weather these things--it's just that time is squeezed, at the moment, plus the holidays are coming up (I always thought the Krank's notion of taking a holiday from the holidays wasn't such a bad idea...emotional health is a gift that's invaluable). I so hope your fellow co-worker gets back, soon, and lifts some of this stress off of you!

Material items belonging to an ex is a nasty department...if I'd won a lottery, I'd be inclined, at my own expense, to just send the stuff to the ex's in a moving van, and damn the torpedoes. Unfortunately, real life doesn't work like that. You could visit Avvo, online, and see if they have legal suggestions on how to approach this...and what the "time limits" for either party might be, in this.

Best to you, both, and I hope this situation begins to ease, soon!

[ronnellstc in reply to 6ixtyon1]

Thank you! He did contact the local police, who told him if he had proof she left in march and never made an attempt to get her stuff, then it is considered abandoned property & we can put it to the curb.

[6ixtyon1 in reply to ronnellstc]

Ah, good--and, if the proof is already there and you really want to squeeze a penny, you could try a free service, like "Offer Up" and sell the stuff, if it's worth it!