Hey everyone, I hope you are all having a great day so far 
This post rambles a bit, but I am emotional while writing.
I woke up this morning thinking of my dad. I have never shared this anywhere before online or anything, and only family members/friends during that time know. I am 25 years old and three years ago at the beginning of September, my aunt, dad, and grandpa all on my dads side of the family passed away within a 5 month period. During that time, I lost my job and fell into a deep depression. I just started attending the community college to earn my associate's degree at the end of August, and then the domino effect began. I continued going to school during the next two semesters, but it hit me really hard the following fall. I dropped my classes for fall and spring semester, then began classes again during the summer and continued. I graduated PTK GPA 3.84 on May 12, 2018 and could not be happier about my accomplishment!! My husband was my cheerleader and told me "keep moving forward" on several occasions.
Today, I don't feel like moving forward. My aunt passed from breast cancer. My childhood was very rough, so I would spend the most time at my aunt's house helping her however she needed- cleaning, tutoring, taking her dogs for a walk, etc. It really hurt when she passed, but I felt like I couldn't process it because then my dad passed away unexpectedly and the reason is still unknown. My poppy was in a nursing home and fell, then passed from his injuries. I didn't talk to my dad for 6 months before he died. We had an argument and I let that get in the way of him walking me down the aisle. I feel extreme guilt sometimes, and other times I know he wouldn't want me to feel that way. I have been thinking of him even more since the hurricanes have come through.
I don't want to overshare personal information, but my roots are in eastern North Carolina with family from/in SC, NC, VA, and FL. We were hit HARD by both Florence and Michael. My husband, dog, and myself evacuated to family in FL before the storm. My dad was an electrician. Along our way, we saw several fleets of electrical trucks being escorted by police, on their way to areas that would be affected by the storm as many states had issued states of emergency to prepare for it. I cried so hard when I saw them because they reminded me of my dad. Bittersweet tears. When I was younger, he would give me and my sister rides up and down in the bucket truck/"cherry pickers". He went all over with his electrical company to areas that had been hit by storms, so during the most recent events, I have been thinking of him so much. I see a lineman and I start bawling. I see a commercial or footage on tv of how hard they are working, and I cry. It doesn't happen every time, and it's a mix of happy and sad memories. It has been 3 years. Sometimes all I can do is think about them. Other days, I don't think about them at all. I just miss the h3ll out of my dad right now.
If anyone has lost a loved one- does it make sense how I am feeling? (I do see a therapist, doctor, and psychiatrist and am not feeling suicidal- just sad)
Feeling lost 
POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ 
Life sucks *trigger warning*
Trigger warning; My trauma & my mother’s silence 
How to not rely too much on loved ones?
