Trigger warning; My trauma & my mother’s silence

[brokenlight]

Why hasn’t my mother written me back yet?

It hasn’t been days and days yet, but I think I was expecting a response from her right away. I expected her to respond to my pain right away and to comfort me. I expected answers and apologies, almost immediately. After questioning her for years, she all of a sudden kind of remembers an incident that I was unaware of, occurring at a young age!

But in reflecting, I understand that it was silly of me to expect this from her.

She didn’t respond to my pain right away when I inappropriately/sexually touched as a young child by another child & she was told by the child’s mother - but never bothered to get the details or get me help.

She didn’t respond to my pain right away when I was molested by step brother during awful visits with my piece of sh*t “dad” as a child.

She didn’t respond to my pain right away in regards to an ex-monster of hers/predator who served time and is still is around my family members - no matter how much I speak up about his unspeakable acts on a child for years.

She didn’t respond to my pain right away in regards to my step father - another monster who was my “dad” from age 2-17. Someone who found pleasure in my pain. Someone who was psychologically and emotionally abusive to my entire family. Someone who is a sick narcissist, a sex addict, someone who I intuitively believe was sexually inappropriate with my and sisters and with me.

So why in the world would I think that she would show up for me now!?! Of course she’s not going to.

Especially when I called her out on it ALL.

In a VERY direct way & probably for the first time in almost 38 years.

I deserve better.

I deserved better.

I deserve answers.

I deserve accountability.

I deserve genuinely apologies.

I am worth more than others have treated me.

I AM WORTH MORE!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for letting me vent ❤️

[PastelPink20]

You deserve better.

💕💕💕

[brokenlight in reply to PastelPink20]

Thank you PastelPink20 ✨

I certainly do

[brokenlight in reply to PastelPink20]

💕

[PastelPink20 in reply to brokenlight]

You’re welcome! You said it first and you’re absolutely right. I’m glad you’re lifting yourself up and taking care of yourself how you should be cared for.

I know it’s been a whole journey to do justice for yourself that way.

💕💕💕

[brokenlight in reply to PastelPink20]

Thank you PastelPink20 ✨

I appreciate you 💕

[Samieeeee]

If your mom can’t give you what you need try finding it with a friend or maybe find someone who can be a mother like figure for you.

[brokenlight in reply to Samieeeee]

Thank you Samieeeee ✨

I’m trying to give myself what I need

It’s more reliable