Don't know what I am doing with my life

[vg192]

I've recently moved back to my hometown, which is a relatively big city, and the reason is that I couldn't find a job where I was before. I've been unemployed for 10 months now, which is since I completed my postgraduate degree, December 2017. I've had issues with low mood, low motivation/self esteem before, but I think I'm reaching new lows and I don't really know how to find a purpose to my existence.

I have seen only one person once in the last two weeks outside of family members, and I find it increasingly hard to go out of the house (I usually am a rather active person, I used to love walking). I am afraid of meeting people I know on the street. I am constantly losing focus on the things that matter or endlessly procrastinating on what I would be supposed to be doing. I feel worthless and unable to bring change in my life. I think I need help, and someone to talk to.

[adeo888]

My honest opinion ... yes, you need some help and I would start the process of seeking it now. Where I live, it can take quite a while to find the right people for you. You can get help right away but finding someone you can work with, that can actual see and work with you in the bigger picture of your life, I think thats really important. I'm not you and I don't wish to project but I remember well some of those initial symptoms and I know now that there are people, despite never meeting you before, care about you. They want to and are able to help. Maybe you won't need it or maybe you'll only need it for just a while but definitely, if you gotten to a point that you seriously ask that question if yourself, the answer is probably yes.

Finding purpose and meaning can be really hard after you've gone down a specific educational track. Really, sometimes I would rather have had a job in manual labor so, if nothing else, I could feel exhausted at night and I wasn't thinking so dang much.

[vg192 in reply to adeo888]

Thank you, adeo888. I've actually called to schedule a meeting with a psychotherapist last week, I'll be meeting him for the first time in a couple of days. I hope he's going to be the right person to talk to, and to get some insight and valuable support. Unfortunately the professional sector I've specialized for (art) is very competitive and not particularly rewarding (both financially and personally) if you're not getting feedback from others, or have a huge network.

[adeo888 in reply to vg192]

Try degrees in Theology. Thats a vow of poverty even if you don't profess one.

[ge99 in reply to vg192]

Just keep painting or drawing and keep in the moment, the universe has your back. X

[ge99]

Tiny steps are always a good thing.. Walk to the road and then back, enjoy the outside air, the sound of the birds or the traffic lol and the feel of the sun if its out or the rain. Go back inside and feel proud that you have been outside, its going to be a great day. Best wishes x

[Jacaroo]

It's so hard to be positive when you feel like you have worked so hard for a degree to then struggle finding a job much less a fulfilling job. I'm sorry you are having a hard time finding meaning in life. Consider that these dark times may be setting you up for something really positive--- the struggle for LIFE is worth it. Keep striving for meaning and life. I am a woman of faith and so I find meaning in life by looking for spiritual truth. I would consider creating a scheduled day even if it includes walks and listening to songs and making yourself apply to jobs (maybe think outside of your field). Do you have a good support system? If not, maybe you consider joining some kind of clubs that you enjoy for hobbies to meet and be with people while you are waiting for employment opportunities. Read or listen to encouraging stories of people who struggle and then find their way. I would think talking to a counselor would be so helpful to encourage you in life goals and what to do while you are waiting. I find some information from this website about dealing with depression helpful. You might find something that helps encourage you. bit.ly/2mFxWoz

[vg192 in reply to Jacaroo]

Jacaroo, thank you for your heartwarming message. I have set a kind of schedule for my days and I have recently been more productive - I’d say it’s working so far. I’ve also started meditating to cope with the anxiety and find some focus and that is helping too.