What am I doing?: I have been diagnosed... - Anxiety and Depre...

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What am I doing?

rldn05
rldn05

I have been diagnosed as a manic-depressive. I am 65 years old. We have moved to Playa del Carmen in Mexico. I am at the end of my rope. My husband fell and had a double hematoma. He had emergency surgery because of the hematomas were causing problems with his breathing. If he did not have surgery he would have been put on life support. I asked for help from his family and got none. Thankfully, he is recovering. But what I went through to even get him back to consciousness was overwhelming. Right now he is at a fourth-grade level. and he is at home. We came down here to scuba dive, to see the reefs, and to swim with the whale sharks. We have done none of this. I am seriously thinking of going back to Texas, but it would be the end of me if we did not accomplish anything we came to do. I have no one down here. I need some sort of help and some sort of support, but it is nowhere. My sister, always says turn toGod. I try very hard to do that. He saved my husbands life, and I do love him. I am scared. I have been a diabetic for 57 years and wear an insulin pump. I had a serious heart attack in 2015 and was on life support and in Icu for almost 3 weeks. I have neglected to take my cardiac pills. for almost 6 weeks. Am I trying to kill myself? I am so confused that I do not know which way to turn. I do not think that I want to die but I do not know what to do to help myself. I could not believe that my husband's kids would not help us. The medical system is really flawed down here. I had to pay the surgeon almost a $1000. Usd to do the surgery. This was not a bribe, but what to call it? My husband would have died if I would have not given it to him.Everything is up front cash wise down here. He needed a tomography. I asked his son to help. I thought that he had said yes. That he would deposit the money in my account. He never did, because we would not leave the 4 rescue animals that we had brought with us, over 2000 miles from Texas, and fly home. They are our family. Just leave them here to die in the street. We have spoiled them and loved them. I did not realize how cruel and heartless his children where. I sent both of them an email that said that I had no respect for them and if their father died that he would be cremated and his ashes would be spread in the reefs and that they would know nothing about it. My husband said that the only thing waiting for us at home was a wheelchair. And the story goes on and on and on.

22 Replies
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If your husband is very ill, it might be best if you take your dogs and return home. Generally, being sick and, in your case, under a lot of stress, is even worse when you are in a foreign country. Given your husband's situation it does not seem likely that you will be able to see the reefs and sharks, etc. In Texas you will at least be familiar with the medical system and have access to your own doctors.

please take your meds, you are giving yourself additional worry and putting your own health at risk. not a good idea.

This sounds like a huge challenge! You must feel overwhelmed right now. I have been to Playa del Carmen several times and know right where you are geographically. I get it about your pets, they are like family. Mexico has a way different health care system than we do in the US. I am wondering what you need right now, for yourself, to feel OK. You can't change some things, like your husband's current situation, or lack of family support, but what are the things you can change that would most support you? Going back to Texas with your pets? Finding a community in Playa?

rldn05
rldn05
in reply to radharose

Thanks for the reply. I wrote to go go girl. Please read.

So sorry about your situation, rldn05. It would be difficult for anyone to endure. Your situation is very complex due to serious health issues you both have, but I have to agree with those who have already replied. Texas is "home" even if family isn't cooperative at this time. They may be helpful when you get back home. Praying for the best outcome.

rldn05
rldn05
in reply to newbie1956

Thanks for replying. I sent gogogirl a note if you can see my reply please read it. Thanks again

Whoa!!!!! Well, no wonder you were diagnosed with having a type of depression. Who wouldn't react to all of that? I am so sorry that you went through that with your husband. Sometimes life can deal people such a blow, and for what. You can turn to a spiritual center, but you still need a support system of people you can count on to help not to hurt. Would it be better to return home to your people and a familiar system of doctors? It sure doesn't sound like you are reaping the benefits of being where you are. So sorry again.

PS- Sorry his son is acting like a jerk at just the time that you need him. You also mentioned that your husband was at a fourth grade level- what does this mean? Glad you came to this site.

rldn05
rldn05
in reply to gogogirl

He is at a 4th-grade level academically. He is on the computer playing games that will help him mentally. I know that with time he will progress, but it is hard to wait for him to get where he was before the accident. He is progressing physically pretty well, he can walk up a flight of stairs, and tries not to use his cane. Then, today, I went to the hospital to pay on his bill. They would not take the payment because I was 11 pesos short. That is about $.60 USD. I understand that this is a different culture. But in any culture that was stupid on the cashiers part. Rudy said that he does not want to go back, and I agree with him. I just wish that our animals could give me some feedback when I need it. Correspondence has stopped totally with his son and daughter. I sent them an email that said that I would no longer communicate with them and that I had lost all respect for them. Rudy agreed, he said that neither one of them was raised that way. It has been 2 weeks if not longer. I guess that I was expecting too much for them to apologize. I have tried to find support with the expats here, but so far none. I found a group on Facebook that asked some questions. I guess I didn't give them the answers they wanted because I haven't heard anything back. I will continue looking, though. Thanks for the welcome. Keep in touch when you can.

gogogirl
gogogirl
in reply to rldn05

Thankfully he is progressing, but clearly you cannot do this alone. His son and daughter- wait until they need someone- and they will - perhaps no one will be there for them either. That does not sound like family to me at all. However, is there any way you could go home with your animals and at least recover there. What his kids did is unforgivable- sorry to say that. Right now, though I am sending you a big hug. Sorry again.

rldn05
rldn05
in reply to gogogirl

We are here until next Spring. Rudy hates the cold and it gives him a really bad time in the winter. I think that it is nice to have a cold time of the year for a few weeks. Before this accident, I did not think at all about going home. There are a lot of things that this ol' southern girl misses now that are nowhere to be found down here. Lipton iced tea, cornbread, blackeye peas. Believe it or not, there is no chili powder here. You have to make your own! There are no canned tomatoes, I use the fresh tomatoes to make stewed tomatoes. You can buy tomatoes for $.25 a pound. The food in the interior has nothing on Tex Mex.

We long for Tex Mex. There are no bluebonnets on the side of the road either.

I have always thought that the relationship that Rudy has with his kids was strange. The conversations are always very shallow. How are you? I am fine type of thing. For some reason, I thought that they would come through when he was so sick. His son has married 3 times. He has married one woman twice. He remarried Mary in November. He sent Rudy an email about the marriage. He just said Mary. My first question was " Is this the same Mary or a different one?"

Rudy refused to ask him that question. It was none of his business. I sent him an email and found out that it was the same girl. My family relationships are much different. We fuss and fight, but we know where we stand with each other and what is going on. When someone is ill we rally together. That is what family is about even if you want to punch your sister in the nose.

Thanks for replying. I really appreciate having someone to go on and on and on to.

Nora

gogogirl
gogogirl
in reply to rldn05

You're stuck there until next Spring? Wow- I hope that you can see your family - sounds like you really miss them. So.... not only are you isolated with somewhere who is recovering from an accident , but you who sound like a social person are being isolated from your own family. It sounds like being there has made you appreciate some of what you had even more. If his recovery continues to be positive- perhaps it would be a positive thing for you to experience being in the cold- and how "cold" could Texas be, right? I live in a place where there are extended Winters and oh yeah - with the white stuff. I hope your husband appreciates you, and what you are doing for him. Good luck with the recovery- it sounds like a really rough ride.

gogogirl
gogogirl
in reply to gogogirl

To just add: Again, I am sorry that his kids have not been there for him at this extreme time. It's interesting though that his relationships with his kids have been so shallow to the point of not even being interested in who his son married. You were the one who showed some interest? You do not have to answer- but something tells me that it was more of your husband's idea to live in another country and you convinced yourself. Now, you are stuck there with him, and your family is back in the states. You mentioned that you were stuck there until the Spring because he cannot deal with the cold, but you miss everybody ( your family)., lifestyle, etc. You are a person too, and you deserve to have a support system as well . Granted he is recovering now and you are there for him, but did he consider all of that?

rldn05
rldn05
in reply to gogogirl

I don't mind discussing this. This entire Mexico move was my idea. I did push for about 6 months. Finances was a top reason for moving here. We lived in Progreso Yucatan for almost 4 months, and it was plenty cheap there. PDC is a little more expensive. This is a tourist trap town. PDC is too much for me, the cab drivers are crazy. When you start driving like them they really do not like it. We are looking to move to a little more laid back town at the end of our lease. Our lease is up in November, it may be hard to find something then. There is a mass migration of snowbirds from the northern US and Canada. We'll just have to see. Basically, our marriage is 50/50, and a marriage has to have a lot of give and take or it's not going to work. In 2015 I had a triple bypass, three days after I went home I got a major staph infection. I was put into ICU for almost 3 weeks. Half of my sternum was taken out because of the infection. My chest was open for about a week until the infection had started going down. At one point they wanted to pull the plug on me. Rudy would not do it. I took me a good 8 months to get a grasp on recovering. I could have given up then and gone to a nursing home. We both want more out of our "golden years" then sitting in a wheelchair. This accident happened, I do need a little more support than I got, but I refuse to quit.

I am truly disappointed in the American expats. It seems to me that they want to be an exclusive part of this city. We are planning on coming home for a week in Oct. I can hardly wait for iced tea and Tex-Mex. Thanks for writing. Ask whatever you want.

Nora

gogogirl
gogogirl
in reply to rldn05

I hope you can find a way to move back to the states.

rldn05
rldn05
in reply to gogogirl

We are going for a visit and doctors appt. in October. We are looking for a town here that is a lot more friendly and not so, tourist orientated. Eventually, we will move back, but we are not ready to do that now.

gogogirl
gogogirl
in reply to rldn05

Lots of luck to you- and how is your husband doing?

What is the health system like? I am the same age as you. It is probably more of a problem for you in Mexico due to the immigration issue right now. Are you able to move back home?

The healthcare system is very poorly managed. The doctors are much better than I expected. To get anything done at a hospital takes a bribe. This starts at the top with the administrator down to the ambulance drivers. I had to pay the doctor $1000 USD out of my pocket to get him to do the surgery. If a test is ordered, you have to pay upfront, otherwise, it will not get done. I don't know if the nurses are too busy or what. When food was delivered to the room, it was placed across the room. A sick patient could not get it.

My husband had to be fed the first day or so after surgery. No one did it, if I had not come in

he would have starved. The 6 days that he was in the hospital his blood pressure was NOT taken at all. This was a public hospital. Security has more pull at the hospital than the doctors. I could only see my husband twice a day for about 30 minutes. The nurse told me about a permanent pass, and after 2 hours in social work, I received one. Social work is a joke, they are not there for the patient they are there to get money out of the patient's family.

All private insurance is pay up front, that is you pay the bill and get reimbursed by the insurance company. Private insurance for us starts at about $600.usd and goes up and up.

$800usd might get you more than an insurance card, and this is per month per person.

When my husband was released, the hospital would not let him go home. He was being held hostage by the hospital, they would not let him go home until the bill was paid, he needed an ambulance and they would not get one to take my husband home. He was a HOSTAGE!!! I called the American Consulate in Playa del Carmen. All she did was to call the hospital and talk to the Social Worker who lied to the Consulate about my husband being held, hostage. The Am Consulates do not seem to be very pro American. She said to pay the bill. By now, with all the bribes that had been paid, there was no cash in checking or savings. His son refused to transfer us money that he had promised. I had enough on the CC for us to live on for a month.

I went to my neighbor. She had a boyfriend that had been in the same situation. We went to the Mexican Commission of Human Rights. Five minutes they were at the hospital and negotiated a deal with administration. I signed contracts, I owe the hospital. Here is the kicker, When I went to pay on the bill this past Monday the cashier would not take my money. I had what the contract stipulated, she wanted more. I turned around and walked out. I am trying to find someone in the government that will help. The American Consulate would not even come to the hospital.

Our plan was that we got sick that we would hop a plane and be in Texas in 3 hrs. That didn't work. And so goes my nightmare.

Thanks for writing.

gogogirl
gogogirl
in reply to rldn05

Man, what a nightmare, and they sound absolutely immoral.

I will pray for U.🙏

rldn05
rldn05
in reply to BW33

Thank you. Prayers are a VERY POWERFUL THING. Thank you

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