What the hell am i doing w my life?

[MandyBueno]

I'm on the end of a road, top on the mountain but i feel like jumping straight to hit a rock. I am not only mentally sick but my physical is pretty bad, like it wants me to stop. I can sum up my day waking up early and getting in the train, i usually take too much to get to my workplace . I work hard two periods nonstop and after a tired day i go to college and only get home to have some five hours of sleep or less. Today i look like a zombie, i have no reason to continue. I don't feel like a person but a working machine! I know we all have a purpose on Life but i hate the fact that im Just repeating stuff. Am i here Just to work full time and pay bills get sick and die? My body has giving me signs it is not okay, i don't know if i have a chronic desease or it's Just anxiety mixed with all my daily tentions, the only think i know is that i lost count of how many times i had to leave work in the middle of the day to go to the hospital. I don't feel productive at all and i can't Just quit. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Ardago]

Everything is going to be ok. I don’t know exactly what your situation is, and it would be stupid of me to pretend I had all the answers, but I can assure you that life is definitely worth living. Obviously my first recommendation would to talk to someone, an online forum is never a substitute for a real person be they professional or otherwise. Other than that, maybe take some time off work or school to make sure you’re ok, if you genuinely think you’ve got a medical issue than do see a doctor but it’s probably just stress and tiredness.

I’ve dealt with anxiety for a while and it’s different to what you’re dealing with, but it’s the same in that when things are bad you ignore all the good things you have done and will do. We all go through bad times, but if we give we’ll never get to the good times. My life has improved and so will yours.

[hypercat54]

Hi Mandy from the sounds of it you are doing far too much. No one can exist on 5 hours sleep forever. Do you have to go to college every weekday evening? Don't forget mind and body are interlinked and both will kick off if things get too much for you.

Are there any solutions you can think of? Such as maybe working more part time at the moment? Could you do your college course over a longer period instead?

You need to find a way to manage your work life balance even if it means deferring something or making sacrifices to keep yourself well.

Life is hard enough normally with having to work full time as most of us have to these days but it should also be about the good things in life like love, children, fun things etc. x

[IheartDogs]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. What if you were to take a medical leave from work and from school to take care of yourself for a while? You could always return in the short-term. I hope you feel better all around soon.

[MandyBueno in reply to IheartDogs]

That would totally ease my problem. But here in my country the doctors wait until you dying so they can give you a work leave 😳

[IheartDogs in reply to MandyBueno]

You just need to advocate for yourself here. If we don't ask, we don't get. You'll just need to decide if it should be on medical leave for physical or mental health issues. Are you on psychiatric meds? If so you can request this leave from your psychiatrist.

If they deny you and your medical and mental health records strongly indicate difficulty with daily functioning, you can tell your Dr that you will bring this to the medical board's attention. That will get them to reconsider. But I've never heard of somebody denying anyone a request for leave of absence when it's clearly necessary.

[Crackerjack4u]

Hello Mandy. Bless you heart hun, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. It sounds like your plate is very full for sure, and that it is so full right now that it is running over into your well being. Sleep is a very important part of that over all well being, and 5 hours a night just isn't enough for your body to run on. Your body is giving you signs that it's not ok because it's not ok, and neither are you right now. Your body is telling you that it's time for you to slow down, Not completely Check Out because making a permanent solution to attempt to fix a temporary problem is never the right answer, you need to merely slooooowww down.

Sometimes you have to just step back away from that plate for awhile in order to get your bearings, be able to just take a deep breath, be able to just rest/relax, and do exactly what you want to, or do absolutely nothing at all, if that's what you want to do. This will help you to be able to see the road you're currently on, where that road is heading, and whether you want/can remain on the same road, or do you need to change the road you're on.

You are a beautiful, bright, young lady that is currently working her tail off-literally, and attending college to try to better her future. There is a very bright road ahead in your future, so you need to hang around In order to be able to see and enjoy all the great things that are on that road. You absolutely have a purpose in this life other than to "work, pay bills, get sick and die," but only you can determine what your purpose in this life is, and be able to make the necessary changes in order to be able to fulfill that purpose.

When the days are filled with constant repetition of doing the same exact things over and over again, especially if those things aren't fun or enjoyable, that causes a person to become more depressed, add in lack of sleep, and it can become overwhelming/unbearable. Like the others have mentioned if there is a way to be able to take some time off from work, or decrease the amount of hours that you're working, or the amount of hours that you're going to school for awhile that would help you more than anything right now.

If it isn't possible to do that, you still should try to include some time in your busy schedule for just yourself, even if it's just a short walk, or sitting in an empty quiet room meditating during your breaks at work, going to get a massage, or visiting with friends/family for a couple of hours on the weekend, even if that requires not doing homework that day, or just anything that breaks up your current repetitive routine will be very beneficial to your mental health. Also if possible cutting back somewhere in your busy schedule in order to just sleep, and sleep, and sleep to allow both your body and mind some time to be able to properly heal and rejuvenate would be so very helpful to both your mental and physical well being. Best of Luck to you hun. Please keep us posted on how you're doing. Hugs!!

[MandyBueno in reply to Crackerjack4u]

First of all i'd like to thank your for taking a time to answer me. Reading your words to me Just made me instantly glad. I Just did what you Just Said, today i took a break for myself, as if i can't control my routine at work cause they depend on me, i missed a class today. I'm heading home now and i will be more generous to myself. I Will keep posting here. But once again, thank you so much for your kind words ❤

[Crackerjack4u in reply to MandyBueno]

You're welcome hun. Also Good For You!!! You so deserved that you time because you ARE worth it. Have a wonderful night!!!