Depression/loneliness relapse

[pug_girl]

I was doing SO WELL with my depression for awhile, but it's seemed to overwhelm me again. Recently I've been having intense emotions of loneliness. I live with 4 other girls and they've sort of paired off. Two of my roommates hang with each other 24/7. The other two are either hanging with each other or their boyfriends. That leaves me kinda between the two groups, especially since those two groups don't get along at all. I'm stuck mediating between them. I don't want to "choose a side" because I find it unfair and immature. But here I am forced to try and choose... it's just left me without good friends. It's killing me. It doesn't help that recently a boy I was talking to decided to deny me by telling me he's "not attracted" to me. This one hurt A LOT due to my high insecurities about my looks and my extremely low self-esteem. There's really no one else either... So I feel utterly alone. I feel as if I have no one in my circle, no one to go to. Thankfully, I get to start over next year, as I am going to Duke next year for graduate school. BUT until then I have to deal with this crippling loneliness. I don't know what to do. It makes every day SO much harder to endure. I just want SOME form of love in my life... whether it be friendship or romantic love. I want someone to make me feel less lonely. UGH. I don't even really know how to express my feelings.. Just lonely. So lonely.

[faulhallen]

I’m sorry to hear that you were doing well and now you’re not. My situation is vastly different than yours but I know how it feels to experience periods of intense loneliness.

It isn’t fair of your roommates to put you in that position of feeling like you have to choose. I imagine that only drives the feelings of isolation even more than their being paired off or dating people when you aren’t.

I know I don’t know what you look like and this will sound absurd.... but don’t take him saying he’s not attracted to you too personally. I tend to be friends with women more than men in my real life but I’ve known lots of women who were attractive in some way or another that I would say I wasn’t attracted to. My best friend is one of those people. She’s a lovely woman in her own way but I just don’t feel that attraction to her.

Regardless you’re a woman. I’d say that there’s about a 99.5% chance you’re highly attractive to at least some category of men. There are lots of kinds of beauty and not every guy is attracted to the same thing in the same way. Don’t feel like you have to prove anything to me about your appearance. 😝

You’re always welcome to message me if you ever need to vent or just want to talk. Feeling lonely is awful, especially when you’re in a situation where you shouldn’t feel that way.

Regardless of if you chose to or not I wish you the best of luck! 🙂

[Hidden]

What about the pug? What’s his/her name?

[pug_girl in reply to Hidden]

His name is Dexter, but unfortunately he lives with my parents 2.5 hours away🙃

[Hidden in reply to pug_girl]

He is a cute guy dexter. He looks like a dexter. Does he do the pug head tilt when you talk to him? I had a Lhasa Apso for fifteen years. She was the best companion. Getting back to your original post. While this time in your life is dark and lonely please know life changes. Everyone has these periods of time in life. They build character and help you appreciate what you have. It’s all part of the game of life.

[tlf777]

I'm so sorry. I had a very similar situation to yours my junior and senior year of college. I had one roommate acknowledge the hurt it caused me a decade later, and it was a deeper wound than I imagined.

Congratulations on your acceptance to Duke for graduate school. I see that this could be a great way to meet new people, even though you are a little apprehensive about it.

What would be one step you would feel comfortable making that could lessen your intense loneliness, even if it just seemed like a drop in the ocean? How could I cheer you on in having the courage to take that one step?

You are loved, and a marvel of God's design.