I need help.

[itsfine]

I don't feel anything anymore. I used to be the kind of person who freaked out if they were five minutes late to class but I skipped two classes yesterday and don't even care. Theatre used to make me feel better, like stepping into the role of another person, but now I just go through the movements and say my lines when I hear my cue. My boyfriend is visiting me this Saturday for the first time in a month and I'm not nearly as excited as I should be. I just can't bring myself to have normal emotions and sometimes I feel like he is only talking to a piece of me because I'm not completely here. You know that feeling when you're underwater and all the sounds get muddled and it seems like everything is just moving in slow motion around you? That's how I feel. I'm waiting for a counseling appointment but they don't have anything open for a couple more weeks and I'm honestly not sure how I can keep getting by holding everything in. I just need someone to talk to because I can't keep using my boyfriend as an emotional crutch (even though he says he's not). If anyone has any suggestions or wants to talk that would be really appreciated and I'll help you too. xx

[BonnieSue]

Hi itsfine,

What are you holding in? You don't have the feelings you know you normally would have but you're holding somethings inside? Emotions?

[itsfine in reply to BonnieSue]

I guess it's just everything about I feel; barely anyone knows I'm going through this.

[BonnieSue in reply to itsfine]

Ok. Glad you found the journaling suggestion helpful. I do too, at times. I've never journaled and not gained an insight about myself. I'm very happy you have that counseling app't. because it's so important for your healing. But seeing a counselor takes time to bear fruit and it's just possible you'll need more help than that. You sound like you might to me because your symptoms, which you describe very well, are occurring at school, performing in theater, at home and with your boyfriend, at minimum.

They seem to be affecting most of your life and I know missing classes in October is not going to get you passing grades for your classes. Are you a college student and can you get help from the college/university health dept.? Often they can get you started on an antidepressant or refer you to someone who can. Or are you in high school and can you go to the counselor there for a referral? It takes a few weeks for any antidepressant to start working and sometimes the 1st drug isn't your answer. Sometimes people go to their general practitioner to get started on an antidepressant so that's a possibility also.

Since I am not a doctor I can't say whether you also are having trouble with anxiety. Are you sleeping your normal amount of time? Significant lack of sleep can sometimes cause this emotional removal from life.

If you go for help but not to a psychiatrist, be aware that other doctors are not as well trained in correctly diagnosing and choosing the right drug for you. You may eventually want to see this type of doctor and simply not tell anyone who doesn't absolutely have to know. It's your private business if you choose to not reveal anything that personal as your mental health care. Monitor yourself daily and get the help you need, please. Take care and Blessings...

[itsfine in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you so much for your advice and kind words. Yes, I am a college student so I've set up an appointment here with their counseling center. Hopefully this will be the start I need to getting help. Thanks and I hope you take care too!

[BonnieSue in reply to itsfine]

Thank you! ;o)

[Dogmom55]

Journal it out. Sometimes when I feel this way I will just write and write whatever pops into my head. Sometimes I do not realize what is really going on with myself until I just write. Hope you find some relief!

[itsfine in reply to Dogmom55]

I am a writer actually so that's my way of getting my thoughts out. Thank you!

[Starrlight]

(((((((((((((Hug))))))))))))

[itsfine in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you xx

[Starrlight in reply to itsfine]

How are you doing? ❤️

[Hidden]

I agree with the others journaling is a good idea x I hope through counselling and talking to others on here helps you get to the root of you problems x 💕