I need help

I need whatever support anyone can give. I feel so hopeless and like I'm going insane. I am sick of this coronavirus lockdown situation, and nothing seems to be getting any better. I used to have my own apartment and I've fallen on hard times and last year I've moved back into my elderly parents house. This is not a good situation and I don't know how I can move out of here. I receive disability but I want to try to work full time and get off of it. My parents aren't very keen on letting me apply for jobs because they don't want me to bring the coronavirus home to them. I feel so stuck here!!! I have a very narcisstic dad who I have a hard time being around, and I don't feel like the rest of my family is very supportive either. I feel very alone. I don't want to give out my age but I really am way too old to be living with my parents. I broke off a 20 year relationship with my longtime boyfriend because I could see we just had no future, that was very painful for me to do. He sends me emails but I don't respond to them. I'm scared he might get the virus and something could happen to him, but I know we need to cut each other loose. I find myself thinking about ways I could commit suicide, I know that's not good that I'm thinking like that. Things just seem so hopeless these days. I've been staying mostly in bed the past few days, where can I go out to besides the grocery store??? I appreciate anything encouraging that anyone can say. These are such dark times. Thank you for listening and thank you for reading this. I don't like to post on here too often but I just feel desperate.

[PainterA]

Hello! These are strange times for sure! I don't think you are alone in feeling the way you do. It's really tough right now. You are doing the best you can in the given situation. Yeah it sucks but it's not forever. Things will change. You will grow! If you don't want to answer your ex-boyfriend back then don't. It's 100% your choice. You broke up for a reason. Of course you still care about him but he is not your responsibility. Let it go.

The thing about most parents is they will always love their children. Even a narcissistic Dad. He may be that way because of the way he was raised...who knows. Either way you still have somewhat of an income and that's OK. You're doing fine! Drink lots of water, cut back on the caffeine and take extra care of yourself. You will feel better physically and in return you will feel better mentally too. Don't let the negativity of this world get to you. I bet you've been through worse in your life and you made it through. You got this. I believe you do!

[Hidden in reply to PainterA]

Hey, thank you for responding, I really appreciate what you wrote!!! I just wish I had more friends, I only have one great female friend to talk to on the phone, and in these times now is NOT the time to try to mingle with people to make friends. If you would like to exchange emails with me, let me know, I will give you my email address. If you don't want to that's ok too, totally up to you. But thanks again for what you wrote to me, it means a lot.

[Doglover309]

Have you tried looking for online jobs or over the phone jobs? I know what it's like to live with a narcissistic parent. These are some pretty dark times but I'm sure it'll be over soon. Keep your head up maybe try to go to a park if there are any in your area. You are a grown adult, you don't have to listen to your parents anymore but they are probably just scared too. I hope you get through this and come out even stronger than before. Good luck!

[Hidden in reply to Doglover309]

Thank you. I have considered trying to look for online work, however I am not up on all the technology and I know someone who tried to do some training for one and she ended up not getting the job. I have also thought about just doing some volunteer work. Just frustrating times going on now. Thank you for caring!!!

[blackcat64013 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for honestly disclosing your struggles in the posts. This virus changes lots of things in our lives, often not for the better.🤔 There is a separate group in this forum which is a wellbeing community for social isolation which provides support and ideas for people to cope better. I check in there occasionally when I feel stuck.

Government health sites around the world are promoting help phone numbers to call into if you want to touch base in person. If you can advise your location, a local can help with the contact points.

Keep safe!

[propjock]

You wrote to support "powerless." That showed your heart! Keep the boundaries with the ex-boyfriend; it sounds like you thought that through.

If you believe in God, ask for help, and look up some churches in your area. Many have gone completely online, and have smaller groups to join, as well as online music and talks. Look at "Mental Health Grace Alliance" and see if there are any groups nearby. Those might be online, too.

[Sprinkle1]

Hello I left a message yesterday, my computer is acting up and I do not think you received it. I am sorry for the position you are in. If it were me I would look for a full time job. Save the money you make and move out. Do you have a sibling close by you could stay with for a short time? Your parents sound toxic and you need to be away from them, I am sure they love you but are afraid for themselves with the virus. I live by myself and am still a little afraid. Life can sure get tough and mean at times, right now the way I see it is we are all fighting for our lives.

Gather up your strength, believe in yourself, love yourself and accept yourself for who you are, not what others say. I am 78 live by myself, my nearest family is 3000 miles away, I do the best to protect myself and have my two wonderful cats for company. If I can do it so can you.

I send you love, strength, energy, courage, and big hugs.......Write to us we love you and offer support........

[Hidden in reply to Sprinkle1]

Hello. What you wrote about us all fighting for our lives, that's really what's going on for everyone now, and it's enough to make us all really anxious. I went to a restaurant earlier this week, no one treated me badly but I really got the feeling that they just wanted me in and out of there because no one wants to get this virus. I've had a very "off" week this week, just not wanting to do much at all. Everyone was hoping by now that the situation would be better and it's not. My dentist did reopen and I have a dental appointment scheduled this Tuesday that I feel nervous about going to it. I've already had issues with anxiety and severe depression, everything going on now really magnifies it. Hope you're doing okay and holding on, thank you for caring.

[Pagesofwords]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through! Do you have someone you can talk to who would be supportive of you? Such as a good friend or a therapist? Do you have medication to help with your mood?

I use writing a lot to help me with my feelings. I know it's not for everyone, but perhaps you could give it a try. Have you heard of gratitude journal writing? Each day you write down 5 things that you are grateful for--I came across an old gratitude journal I was keeping for five months during my sister's hospice care and death. I was amazed at how much I could see to be thankful for at that very dark time in my life.

Other kinds of self-expression may be helpful to you, such as playing music, drawing, sewing, etc. Forcing yourself to go outside and get sunshine, taking a walk, etc., may be helpful. I will offer prayers for you to be uplifted in your mood.

Take care,

Pages

[enigmaticide]

I too, enjoy the GOO GOO DOLLS. ... There isn't all that much encouragement I could provide that wouldn't feel like a lie. Your parent's concerns about the virus are both very rational and real. The only positive is that there is an immense amount of research being done to develop a cure. If nothing else, keep your mind occupied by seeking "the end of the internet"; I know I've yet to find it.