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[iriss]

I don’t know what to title this because I don’t even know what I’m writing about.

I just feel this jumbled mess of emotions in my chest and most of it is anger but it’s anger at myself because I’m stupid and irrational and too emotional. I deal with everything with anger first and that’s unfair and unhealthy and just messed up and I can’t do a single thing about it. I’m completely helpless and I hate it. I purposely sabotage friendships and relationships and now I’m completely alone and it hurts so badly.

I keep taking out my anger on my ex and his girlfriend because I’m so angry at myself that I have to take it out on something or someone. I’m angry st them and I almost hate them because they’re together but the fact is that they’re happy together and it makes me angry because I was too messed up to ever make him happy enough to stay. I’m too messed up for anyone to stay or when care about me or anything. I’m just the biggest screw up of the entire planet and I hate myself. I hate myself and my emotions and how I handle things and how I’m so angry and so hurt and how it’s literally all my own fault yet I’m angry at them because they’re HAPPY TOGETHER and I’m not good enough to make him happy or to make anyone happy, not even myself.

In all honesty I can’t handle these emotions and all I want to do right now is escape and in order to do that I have to die because no matter what I do or say these stupid emotions follow me everywhere I go and I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t fix it because I go to therapy once a month and that’s way too little and I want to go twice a week because I’m so unstable and so sad and angry and I just want to die

I don’t want to be here

Nobody is making me stay on this planet because nobody cares about me st all

They didn’t care before my mom died and they don’t care now

They’re all the exact same and I don’t want to be here anymore

Everything is awful and painful and I’m so angry and sad and hurt and I HATE IT SO MUCH and I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH IT

I don’t know how to fix this or how to change or how to be happy or how to stop being so angry or how to stop being obsessed with comparing myself to my ex’s girlfriend or how to stop staring at them whenever they’re together because that’s the only thing I ever do and I hate it and I want to stop but I don’t know how

I don’t want to do it anymore

[aaronm]

It sounds like you need to ensure your safety from yourself. Immediately. I recommend you call a suicide hotline or immediately go to an emergency room. The national suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255. Most states also have a more local hotline number.

Before you go remember you are loved here. Your a good person at heart. You can do this!!!

[UB4me]

I'm sorry for your suffering. I'm glad that you are trying to go to therapy. Anger and bitterness can be a poison to our souls. I am praying that you will be able to let go of your anger and that you will receive help soon. Hang on, there is hope for your future!