Story time...

[jayT67]

Background to my main issue:

The last couple times of gone over to my friends house I’ve been getting these vibes from his mom like I’m unwelcome there but she lets me come over because I’m friends with her son. I consider him family and he says he considers me family as well. I’m not the type of person to walk into someone’s home and be disrespectful and rude. I ask permission for literally everything I do so I don’t see how I might of disrespected her.

Issue:

I don’t know how to approach my friend about this because the major part of my anxiety is assuming that everyone hates me. Example I’ll be walking down the isle at a store see two people talk and I just read the anxiety voice in my head tell me “They’re talking about you. They’re saying how much they hate you.” And they’re people I’ve never seen or meet before or people I used to know back in school. So it terrifies to confront someone and talk to them about problems like what I mentioned above due to that reason. I don’t want my assumptions to be correct. I don’t think I could mentally handle it if I did approach my friend asking if his mom has a problem with me. I love his mom, her and I had a great relationship up until recently when this all started happening. But I told a mutual friend about how I felt (the anxiety thing about everyone hating me) and she just laughed and said everyone you hang around loves you so that’s when I felt like a freak. I think the laugh is what hurt the most.

I just wish I had someone to talk to about this. No ones what it’s like. Some people think it fake and others just try to laugh it off like your being irrational but I have no control over it. And I just feel alone. I wish I never had anxiety or depression or PTSD or any of this.

[hypercat54]

'Everyone you hang around loves you'. This tells you all you need to know, they obviously love 'freaks'. What's wrong with that? We are all strange in our own way but it's our imperfections rather than our perfections which people love as it allows them to be human themselves.

I remember thinking the same as you when I was young until I started therapy. I didn't realise how much I had changed until I walked past a group who started laughing. My first reaction wasn't my usual one ie they are laughing at me, but that was obviously a good joke. I was so surprised I stopped dead then felt wonderful.

It sounds to me like you feel so self conscious that you think it makes you light up like a beacon so everyone notices and starts talking about you. The fact is they are so busy being consumed by their own life and problems they aren't even aware of your existence. You aren't important to them, why would you be?

[jayT67 in reply to hypercat54]

Yah but I don’t feel self conscious it’s an uncontrollable thing. Idek how to explain it. I don’t hate how I look, I do hate myself only because I struggle with all this stuff.

[jayT67 in reply to hypercat54]

But I do appreciate what your saying and I’m thankful you answered. You answering means I did have someone to talk to you ❤️

[Hidden]

I deal with the same insecurity and it's exhausting! Hypercat is correct in her reasoning here. My therapist has told me the same thing. Why would they be laughing at you? Why would they even be giving you a single thought? People are mainly conerned with themselves and what's going on in their own lives. Scary thought, but a true one. Unfortunately I can write this and still have a hard time believing it. It's really hard for those of us who have this insecurity to not be paranoid in regards to others' thoughts.

I hope it's comforting for you to at least know you're not alone.

[jayT67 in reply to Hidden]

It is comforting knowing I’m not alone but I personally I wouldn’t call it a personal insecurity more like an uncontrollable one. Ig somehow if believing everyone hates me helps me hate myself and funny thing is I only hate myself for having mental health issues.

[Hidden in reply to jayT67]

I actually know exactly what you mean, if that helps. It is uncontrollable. I can't stop it. Sure, I can read books on the subject and sure, everyone under the sun can try to tell me otherwise until we're both blue in the face, but I have to be the one to believe it.

I'll be interested to hear what others have to say here. Maybe something will eventually click...

Please don't hate yourself for having mental health issues. You can't help that, right? Please don't hate yourself for something you can't help.

You're welcome🙂

[jayT67 in reply to Hidden]

It’s just that I wanted to tell someone how I felt who doesn’t have a diagnosis with a mental illness and when I do it makes me feel misunderstood and discouraged. Now I’m right back where I started not wanting to tell anyone anything about how I feel and what o go through because I feel like a bother all over again.

[Hidden in reply to jayT67]

Have you spoken with a therapist about this?

[jayT67 in reply to Hidden]

I have. Nothing helps

[jayT67 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for listening ❤️ I don’t get that a lot these days.