Everything sucks

[itsfine]

I feel like I'm watching my life go past in a slow motion sort of way. I haven't had such a long and rough period of depression in a really long time and that scares me. It scares me because I'm starting to become unattached to the activities and people I love and I have no motivation for the pile of essays and tests I have this week (freshman in college). I think that I have hated so much of myself that all that disgust and anger is now attaching to the people I love, particularly my boyfriend. I love him so much, he's been my rock for the past several months and I think he's the one but last night when we were talking on the phone (we live long distance) all the words I was saying just felt empty. I meant everything I told him-how much I love him, how grateful I am for him etc. I know I did because the way I feel hasn't changed since day 1 but all those words just felt...empty. It was like I was saying the things I truly mean with no emotional connectedness. Again, I know he's the one or at least I'm extremely happy with my relationship so I don't understand how I can lack so much feeling. I feel so guilty about it. Has anyone ever experienced this?

[pink83737]

You’re not alone! Stay strong and hang in there, this too shall pass

[ChareBear143 in reply to pink83737]

I love that saying pink83737 I had forgotten it, so good to hear it...yes this too shall pass.

[itsfine in reply to pink83737]

Thank you, I also think this is a really lovely saying to remember

[ChareBear143]

Dear its fine,

oh Sweet girl I am sorry to hear this. I was blessed with five daughters so my heart truly goes out to you. My youngest is still in college. I can imagine it would be so hard to see yourself feel numb, just as scary as if a part of body went numb. Sometimes things happen and it shocks us, or puts us in a place we where we cannot handle the emotions. I am sorry you do not care for yourself, I know that feeling. I am trying to live without my kids in my life, they always made me feel so loved. Now all grown up and gone, I am having to learn who I am outside of being a mom. Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves too where we need to learn to give ourselves Grace. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you find what a awesome person I am sure you are.

[itsfine in reply to ChareBear143]

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your kind words xx