Internalizing everything

[LordKnowsImTrying]

If your SO lost a relative and it put them in a depression, or they simply shut down on the world. How do you not take it personal? How do you not assume your relationship is not over if they wont talk to you? One day you had a normal conversation...the next day radio silence for days. Its affecting MY mental health now because lm severely worried, I feel rejected and unworthy, and its putting me in a bad state.

[Sunshine425]

My brothers have been the same way with me. My little brother opened up to me about anxiety, insomnia and recent diagnosis with ptsd. All things that I struggle with so I gave him resources, support and asked to spend time with him. (Just because I enjoy seeing him) I had told him things I do to try and cope.. anyway he doesnt make the effort to make plans and he rarely returns my.phone calls. The one time I saw him he had an attitude with me... and says I ask him too many questions. My.older brother wants little to do with me either and complained that my parents treat me differently than my brothers.... everyone knows its only because Im the only daughter ... but that doesnt mean Ive had it any easier.

Sorry this is so long. Point is... I had to realize that them shutting me out had nothing to do with me. They are clearly unhappy about themselves or upset about things that have happened in the past. When people shut you out or treat you badly.... its not on you. You cant take it personally. If you do, it will rip you apart. Dont ever let anyone, not even your loved ones question yourself.

I also believe when they feel better they will come around.

Hope this related to what youre going through.

🕊 wishing you.peace.

[LordKnowsImTrying in reply to Sunshine425]

This was such a comforting message. Thank you so much ♥️

[Sunshine425 in reply to LordKnowsImTrying]

As we get older we realize that acceptance is the only way to live. Accept that we are enough...we are worth it. We cant control what other people say or do. Its so hard, I know that feeling way too well. I wish I could shake people sometimes. But once you put it in your head that you are only responsible for yourself.... you'll feel lighter. Changing your perspective can really help. ☮

[All_alone]

Please try not to take it personally. Loss/grief is a very personal journey and is different for everyone. I shut down when I lost my father. I was just totally lost and felt abandoned and alone in the world. My husband at the time tried to be there in the beginning but he couldn't reach me. At that time I didn't even know what I needed at the beginning of the loss. Then he started saying very unsupportive things which pushed me away further which was no coming back from in our case. Just know it's not you, you cant fix it, and you cant replace the person. All you can do is offer kind support even if it's just sitting there for hours and letting your SO just cry while you hold them. Sometimes that may be better than words. ❤

[LordKnowsImTrying in reply to All_alone]

Thank you. I continue to tell myself “its not about you, its not about you” and to offer support and kind words like I would do anyone else in the world. So far, that frame of mind is working. Im keeping myself busy and productive in the meantime.

[All_alone in reply to LordKnowsImTrying]

Your welcome. For me, there were times I just wanted to sit with somebody and just be there with them. Just their presence was a comfort. Sometimes words, as well meaning as people try, may not always be helpful. Just my personal experience.

[LordKnowsImTrying in reply to All_alone]

I havent been granted the opportunity to be there. The funeral was yesterday and I never heard that from him. I heard it from someone else. I’ve basically been removed from the entire situation and the only communication Ive had in a week has been me reaching out. And getting a minimal reply. I feel like Im being pushed to end the relationship by alienation.

[All_alone in reply to LordKnowsImTrying]

I'm sorry you haven't been given that opportunity. It sounds like a difficult situation. Since the funeral was yesterday, everything and everyone is still in shock. Hopefully a little time will help ease the situation and the alienation will ease. I'm here when you need to chat.

[No1wthayla]

Hi, LordKnowsimTrying,

Ten years ago, when our mom died, my older sister got mad at me for "feeling like you are grieving harder" than her or my younger sister. I got ignored for 10 years and no I don't speak to either of them. My daughter, 17 at the time of mom's death, said that "(Your older sister) is mad at herself for not helping Grandma as much as you did. And that your sister is mad at you for being friends with Grandma and not just being her child. (Your older sister) has to take her anger out on you because she doesn't want to accept the blame for her inactions and shortcomings."

[Mrspjsmom]

Everyone grieves differently at their own pace. I know you want to help and feel like you're not wanted or needed but if your SO talks to you at all it's a good sign. Just keep letting them know you are there and try not to let it affect you. I know that will be incredibly hard but you need to take care of yourself. If you don't you won't be able to be there for your SO. By the time I was 33 years old both of my parents and my beloved grandfather, my Pop had also died. Sometimes I wanted to talk other times I just needed time alone to process the loss. My husband gave me the time and space I needed and held me while I cried. However like I said everyone grieves in their own way. I hope this helps a bit. HUGS and BLESSINGS!

[All_alone in reply to Mrspjsmom]

I'm glad your husband was there for you. 😊