You guys! I suck it sucks :( and my friends are in trouble most importantly

[Starrlight]

I did a sucky thing because of desire. I can’t even talk about it. Then I lied about it so that I could cover up how much I suck which makes me suck even more. Come on! I can do better than this. I can and I will. I hate myself right now. Right before my suckiness my friend got in touch and told me she considers me a very close friend and that she had to tell me something. She told me her daughter 3 years of age has stomach cancer. I feel the hurt in my chest and my stomach. I wonder how she feels. Treating cancer has come a long way I tell her mom. She said she thinks she will be okay. But of course we can’t know and it sucks sucks SUCKS. I’ve been working on myself and improved but still way far off to who I want to be. Today I proved to need a drastic change in being disciplined and I need calmness and goodness to be a part of who I am. I gained weight too. A lot 5 lbs in one week says the scale. Among other weight gains. I’m so depressed. Imagine what my friend feels. She says she’s full of hope but imagine...she’s got to be scared. I will be there for her. Who will be here for me? That’s why I’m asking you guys for help with hating myself. Prayer and positive vibes for my friends too would be nice and maybe things will work out. I intend to become a better person. Going to sleep being thankful for my kiddos. Goodnight. ✨ 🌚

[Hope4me1]

Oh, Starrlight, sending you prayers, hugs and please don’t be so hard on yourself. We are all human and not perfect. Pray for your friend’s daughter and her family. We are all here to support you. PM me anytime. I am here.❤️🌻🙏🏼

[Roxylox in reply to Hope4me1]

Indeed we are none of us perfect

It was only recently things were drawn up from my past l am totally ashamed of now.

Unfortunately we can not go back to undo these things.

Prayer is good

[Starrlight in reply to Roxylox]

Love ❤️ too you

[Starrlight in reply to Hope4me1]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️

[Hidden in reply to Hope4me1]

I am brand new here. How do I PM someone?

[Hope4me1 in reply to Hidden]

Tap on chat symbol and put in the name you want to talk privately to and then write your message and send

[melbrown]

Starrlight... you have so many people cheering for you... I wish you could see/feel it. You are loved, very much, dear one. My thoughts are with your friend, her little girl & all their love ones. 🫂💗🫂

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

❤️

[c-mac]

A priest once told me, sometimes the guilt you always seem to feel is actually appropriate. I'd gotten so used to writing off all the shame as just the result of childhood trauma. But once in a while, maybe we should be ashamed. We're only human.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to c-mac]

Writing off shame without self-examination strikes me as self-indulgent. When we realize we broke a code of behavior it's an opportunity to see ourselves as flawed, and to strive for better.

[Roxylox in reply to c-mac]

True l think

[Starrlight in reply to c-mac]

Smart thinking 🤔 ❤️

[Nothing_but_books]

I'm sorry you're hurting, I don't hate you.

There are just too many clubs you're beating yourself with. Your weight gain... being "flawed" -- aren't we all?... not being "improved" enough... worry... fear. Too much, too much!

My friend, I wish I could hug and comfort you really.

Peace and sleep. A new start tomorrow.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

❤️

[Mrspjsmom]

You don't suck. You are overwhelmed but still planning to be there for your friend and your children. I will be here for you. You have my word. Sending positive healing thoughts, prayers and hugs to you and your friend.

P.S.For now ignore the scale. It will only add to your stress. I don't even keep one in the house.

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Thank you ❤️

[Dolphin14]

I will always be here for you

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Love you 😍 thank you

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

I will always be here for you too

[primrose81]

So sorry you are hurting so much Starrlight. Your poor friend, it must be unimaginable for her but she is very lucky to have you as her friend. Please don’t be so harsh on yourself - I beat myself up regularly too so know what it is like. It has got to the stage when I close my eyes when I am brushing my teeth at night because I hate what I am seeing in the mirror. But hey it is my birthday today, 70 eek, and we are going out shortly for lunch in the café of our favourite park and I shall take care to avoid mirrors and enjoy lunch on a lovely sunny day. I am always here for you my friend xx

[Starrlight in reply to primrose81]

Ok let’s both not be harsh on ourselves. Let’s treat ourselves the way we would with someone we love. Maybe we can start loving ourselves.

I checked in with my friend this morning but I haven’t heard back yet. I mean it’s really hard to know what to say too like to me words would have barely have meaning when you’re in pain like she is.

[primrose81]

I throughly agree with that and will try to be kinder to myself….I am sure your friend appreciates you the way you are and as you say there are just no words for the awful situation she is in. I think true friends( in my experience) automatically tune into each other’s feelings and know what to say. Good luck and I hope she gets back in touch soon with more hopeful news x

[Starrlight in reply to primrose81]

Exactly!!! Thank you, beautiful!

[XoxoFaith]

So sorry for your friend that she’s going through that I couldn’t imagine going through that and going through my depression and anxiety at the same time hope she gets better and hope you are doing good

[Starrlight in reply to XoxoFaith]

Yeah really. Thank you! Love to you!