I have always thought I was just a worry-wart, until yesterday. I went to with my husband to a baby shower for his son and was there only an hour before I wanted to leave. I felt like I didn't belong, that the my step son's wife didn't want me and my husband there and that everyone knew we really weren't part of the core family. I felt like an outsider and just wanted to runaway from the situation. This was all so irrational as they are very sweet people and my step son has always been very good to me. I felt panic and wanted to cry for no clear reason. My husband obliged me when I said I wanted to leave. He has been with me long enough to know something was wrong and in his words was angry and knew it would get worse if we stayed. I wasn't really angry, I was scared.
Apparently, he has seen this type of behavior in me before and he knew better than me that making me stay was going to lead to issues.
I sat down with him last night, crying and tried to explain what I thought was wrong. He almost didn't seem to care. I told him that what I really needed when I got that way was to take me by the hand get me into a quite place or go for a quick walk outside to help me find my equilibrium. He turned away and said it would depend on the situation if he would do such a thing. I feel like he is fed up. He asked me what was wrong with me and why couldn't I just get it together. I fear he doesn't love me anymore, or at the very least lost respect for me.
I used to be very strong and now I feel like I am falling apart.