but then these last few years everythings started to go downhill fast.
i could figure out alot of things to cause me anxiesty, but its hard for me to say precisely whats wrong with me.
if i had to give one core reason it would be how scared i become of change, and how much i fear death.
each day i feel like im fighting through the day,
i have kept myself from alot of people and lost alot of friends the last few years. but i still have the most important people left, my mom, my brother and this single friend i still talk with online sometimes, though i think it would be scary to meet him in real life again, considering how im not proud of myself anymore.
but for these people, i really want and need to keep on living, im just feeling so awefull every day and i dont want them to remember me as damaged when im gone one day.
im 20 years old, and also i apoligize for the poor english
but good day to you all, and also theres good times too, so i hope we all have more good times, and that it will all be a little brighter one day
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theuglyfrog
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Hi "theuglyfrog" (why that username?) Reading your post, I was taken back when you
said you were only 20y.o. It sounded like it came from a much older person who had lived a long life and now was fearing change and death. We are not doctors or therapists
so letting you know when we offer advice, it is coming from our own life experiences.
I too had a perfect fairytale childhood but then just about your age, I became fearful. Changes were happening too fast, I feared I'd make mistakes and I just didn't feel like a
young adult but still an innocent child inside. For me, I knew that my anxiety was coming from an over protective mother who put the doubts in me with every choice I made. You can't grow emotionally like that. I don't know what happened in your life more recently to make you not feel confident or have self esteem in who you are. It's important as a young woman to be able to express herself w/o being judged or knocked down emotionally.
Why would you fear being thought of as "damaged" when you die. You are only 20 and have a lifetime to blossom and grown into the person you were meant to be.
Life is about learning and making mistakes along the way that just help as to grow.
I'm glad you reached out to this support site. We all have different life experiences along the way and by sharing those experiences, we help each other. We are here for you.
Agora1, I feel that one is just starting out in life and for some people such as myself ,when I was 20 ,and you were too Argora, beginning to find your feet and develop emotionally---I was too,but never really had any emotional support,my sister 6 yrs older ,also had none ,parents were both unhappy and Work was the only thing they knew-----------now at a very young 70 odds Im still not content though I am emotionaly and spiritually aware-------and at peace with my life such as it was ,sister took a nervous breakdown,and was more or less institutionalised,,,(hospital mental)i went on to become independent though I was always held back by my own judgement and ----sexuality........and the disadvantage of having Anxiety and depression,my life hasnt been empty but have never felt fulfilled either ,my spiritual beliefs have held me together and not my 7 siblings or parental love----Love is the one thing thats essential for ones wellbeing,sorry for rambling and glad that you are a great asset to this forum........as I too hope to be........
goldieoldie, you are not rambling but filling in the blanks of your life that made you
like this. The success in the end is about finding ourselves and going forward in life despite the bumps in the road. (which you have done) I respect the fact that you know that loving yourself is most important in your wellbeing. Your journey will help others as they struggle as we both did along the way. Make it an amazing day my friend xx
Thanks Argora,yes its very important to learn to love ourselves,a journey that most of us have to take in order to move forward,and we all need to forgive ourselves in order to keep going!and as you rightfully state we seldom have a smooth road to travel! Life can indeed be more joyful,when we can put our own pain aside and concentrate on the need of others,,,,,,hoping your day is good too,take care,we need you !
That is very sad 20 is still a very young person- in fact having such a fear of death sounds like you are not living. I am an old person by any means but I think young sometimes, and sometimes question myself. Trying to be an old person at 20 will not work- it is okay to look out for yourself and others, but you have an awful lot of living to do before you even think about dying. I think it's wonderful that you had a happy childhood so what changes are you afraid of- is it getting older ? Well, welcome to that. We are all going to die some day, and it is highly doubtful that someone is going to make it to 150 or 200! Why would we want to? It takes guts to get out there when we are older so make the most of life- sounds like you have a lot to live for, and there is a big world out there. If it makes you feel any better- there are those of us who are old who are still growing- nope we have not withered away!
Also, you say you lost a lot of friends- did something bad happen to them, and that is why you are this way? I hope you can also talk to a doctor as well as continuing to see a psych.
Am 29 years, a difference of 9 years but things here can be amazing, you fear death but me at some point I wanted it to come to me because of the unbearable thoughts which were in my head. I understand anxiety can bring with it all form of virtual feelings, I tell you don't be discouraged, you are not alone in this. Look for medication or talk to a psychiatrist. Tomorrow might be very positive we have experienced this so many times
Can I ask why you are not proud of yourself anymore?
I've felt this way at your age, even when I was in college and working. Mine was bc I never felt I was good enough, no matter what I did, even a 4.0 in college...i still felt like I wasn't good enough and couldn't be proud of myself for it but there was a huge reason behind it and I knew what it was. I shut out friends and family as well except for a select few bc they just didn't understand.
You are young and have a whole life ahead of you to live and blossom into the person you want to be, and you can do this.
I believe in you...now we just need you to believe in yourself!
thank you very much everyone, when i checked my message again today, i would never have imagined so many kind and caring replies. thanks a bunch everyone
It’s normal for you to feel this at your age. You are leaving childhood behind and forming a new identity, which is a daunting process sometimes. The structure of younger school days is behind you and now it’s up to you to figure out the structure. This is a normal phase of human development and you are not alone.
Hang in there, and get help! You have nothing to be ashamed of, and are not damaged. Anxiety, etc. are physical as well mental conditions. Please find a *good* psychiatrist and tell her or him how you have been feeling. Then, you will be working toward your healing. May God bless you!
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
xx
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