hello 
actually my life was great growing up.
but then these last few years everythings started to go downhill fast.
i could figure out alot of things to cause me anxiesty, but its hard for me to say precisely whats wrong with me.
if i had to give one core reason it would be how scared i become of change, and how much i fear death.
each day i feel like im fighting through the day,
i have kept myself from alot of people and lost alot of friends the last few years. but i still have the most important people left, my mom, my brother and this single friend i still talk with online sometimes, though i think it would be scary to meet him in real life again, considering how im not proud of myself anymore.
but for these people, i really want and need to keep on living, im just feeling so awefull every day and i dont want them to remember me as damaged when im gone one day.
im 20 years old, and also i apoligize for the poor english
but good day to you all, and also theres good times too, so i hope we all have more good times, and that it will all be a little brighter one day
Still cant find my way out of depression
Tell me what is wrong with me!
What's wrong with me?
help! I have no idea what to do with my suicidal pain and my meds. I cant take it anymore
What's wrong with my heart?
Hi "theuglyfrog" (why that username?) Reading your post, I was taken back when you
said you were only 20y.o. It sounded like it came from a much older person who had lived a long life and now was fearing change and death. We are not doctors or therapists
so letting you know when we offer advice, it is coming from our own life experiences.
I too had a perfect fairytale childhood but then just about your age, I became fearful. Changes were happening too fast, I feared I'd make mistakes and I just didn't feel like a
young adult but still an innocent child inside. For me, I knew that my anxiety was coming from an over protective mother who put the doubts in me with every choice I made. You can't grow emotionally like that. I don't know what happened in your life more recently to make you not feel confident or have self esteem in who you are. It's important as a young woman to be able to express herself w/o being judged or knocked down emotionally.
Why would you fear being thought of as "damaged" when you die. You are only 20 and have a lifetime to blossom and grown into the person you were meant to be.
Life is about learning and making mistakes along the way that just help as to grow.
I'm glad you reached out to this support site. We all have different life experiences along the way and by sharing those experiences, we help each other. We are here for you.
You are never alone.
xx
Agora1, I feel that one is just starting out in life and for some people such as myself ,when I was 20 ,and you were too Argora, beginning to find your feet and develop emotionally---I was too,but never really had any emotional support,my sister 6 yrs older ,also had none ,parents were both unhappy and Work was the only thing they knew-----------now at a very young 70 odds Im still not content though I am emotionaly and spiritually aware-------and at peace with my life such as it was ,sister took a nervous breakdown,and was more or less institutionalised,,,(hospital mental)i went on to become independent though I was always held back by my own judgement and ----sexuality........and the disadvantage of having Anxiety and depression,my life hasnt been empty but have never felt fulfilled either ,my spiritual beliefs have held me together and not my 7 siblings or parental love----Love is the one thing thats essential for ones wellbeing,sorry for rambling and glad that you are a great asset to this forum........as I too hope to be........
goldieoldie, you are not rambling but filling in the blanks of your life that made you
like this. The success in the end is about finding ourselves and going forward in life despite the bumps in the road. (which you have done) I respect the fact that you know that loving yourself is most important in your wellbeing. Your journey will help others as they struggle as we both did along the way. Make it an amazing day my friend
xx
Thanks Argora,yes its very important to learn to love ourselves,a journey that most of us have to take in order to move forward,and we all need to forgive ourselves in order to keep going!and as you rightfully state we seldom have a smooth road to travel! Life can indeed be more joyful,when we can put our own pain aside and concentrate on the need of others,,,,,,hoping your day is good too,take care,we need you !