Just cant figure out what to do, just... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Just cant figure out what to do, just looking for people to talk with



I'm 37 years old and was just recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the beginning of March. Up until then I have always been a pretty carefree and happy person. I have no clue what has caused this, by all typical definitions I have a good life, good job, nice house, great kids, no financial worries. I have been on two different antidepressants and have been seeing a therapist, but for some reason I just cant seem to shake these feelings of hopelessness. I have had some improvement since this all started, I have been able to return to work. I think it's just that I have learned how to push through and dont really feel any better. I spend lots of my day trying to avoid people for fear that i might start crying at any minute. I feel my wife and growing apart as i am going through this and i feel like i am continuing failing my kids. I am a Christian and have tried laying these burdens on God but they just seem to keep sticking which is really testing my Faith which ends up making me feel worse. Really I'm just looking for some people to talk with that somewhat understand what I am going through, my friends and family really do mean well b it t they just dont get that it's not something I can just force away, if it was I would have already.

19 Replies


Depression is caused by thinking about the past

Anxiety is caused by thinking about the future

Happiness can be found by living in the now

mdowning81 in reply to RAB888

I totally agree, and have started to implement a daily mindfulness meditation routine but it doesn't just work like a switch, I know I must be patient and in time the automatic thoughts I am having will start carrying so much weight and I'll start to see them decrease but in the mean time finding support from people going through the same thing to talk with will hopefully be beneficial

RAB888 in reply to mdowning81

Would you not want to learn something that can not only help you overcome these challenges but also get you to a place where you can enjoy a peace of mind?

mdowning81 in reply to RAB888

Of course, I think we all would.

RAB888 in reply to mdowning81

Did you know that we are all just one thought away from happiness?

We are all just led to believe the opposite

Hidden in reply to RAB888

Absolutely! I do my very best to live this way!

Hi Mdowning

I am also 37 year old and had more or less same position as you are ... from outside everything nice and good .. but inside it’s hell.

You need to understand the pattern of depression and anxiety.. they feed each other .. one thought to another till everything feels gloomy and hopeless .

I did all my level best to break the cycle .. now I am better off .

Started with meditation, join community, started doing exercise.. and now feeling much better and hoping life remains beautiful going forward ..

all the best .. in case you need to talk ping me or reply on post 👍

I just want to start by saying you are not alone by any means with this. I am 27 and have had anxiety since I was 8-9 years old and diagnosed when I was about 12. I didn’t know what to call it when I was a kid I would just tell my parents that I was worrying. After growing up and understanding more about my symptoms I found it to be anxiety and that those symptoms and feelings led me to feel depressed. So in that sense you should feel lucky that you got it later in your life and we’re not plagued by this at such a young age! You have so many things to live for, wife, kids, good job. There will be good days where you feel at peace but there will also be bad days where you feel hopeless. The best advice I can give is that when you’re feeling the worst is that it will always get better, it always does. It may not feel like it, especially when you are in the worst of it but it does. By being on here and seeing someone as well as you taking meds means you’re doing all the right steps in taking it head on to get better! Another thing you can do is when you’re feeling anxious from your mind giving you what if and worst case scenarios just take them for what they are, just thoughts. Acknowledge that they are there but also allow them to be there. Having an attitude that they are thoughts and giving you a feeling of anxiety is the best thing that I can do for myself. Another thing is get educated by reading books on it. One book I found helpful for me in being able to label what this is and why it’s making me feel a certain way is, “overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts”. You may never get cured or completely over this. But just know you will get through it!

RAB888 in reply to Agronseth09

We all live in a misunderstanding of where our experience comes from

There is a new understanding that is behind all human behaviour that once you get it can help you not only overcome your 'problems ' but can get you to a place where you can have peace of mind

Thank you for the positive and thoughtful reply. I have read quite a few books on the subject since they all began and most ok f them seem to say the same thing, that to truly see improvement you have to face these thoughts and feelings head on, which I am currently trying to do. At first I hid or tried to pretend like they weren't there, now I am trying to accept the fact that this is how I feel and still carry on with what i would normally do. Somedays I do pretty good but the worry is always lurking. Other days I seen to really struggle and the only thing I seem to be able to focus on is how I feel. On these days I am hoping that developing some relationships here will help. It really helps to talk about it but I know my wife is exhausted by it and is trying to hold everything else together for us. I think lots of times people just assume that because I've made it back to work that everything must be all better, it is hard to explain to them how exhausting and what a struggle it is pretending everything is ok all day long.

RAB888 in reply to mdowning81

It's totally normal to have days when you feel good and days when you don't feel so good, but it's the thinking during the down days that can lead to problems.

There is a way to have more of the really good days once you understand where our true experience comes from

It’s hard for people that I talk to about it who don’t have it to fully understand. They are like your wife where they don’t get it and that’s just because they can’t relate to the feeling. She vowed to be with you in sickness and in health so just do the best you can to kick this in the ass by being tough and trying through it

AZ1970 in reply to mdowning81

I understand the exhaustion from pushing through. Could it be that working full time is too much? I don’t know if part time is an option. I have found that I need a lot of down time and rest. Without it, I can’t function very well. Maybe it would help your wife to find a support group for herself. She is probably exhausted herself. I know it gets hard for my husband at times when I’m really struggling.

RAB888- it sounds like you are trying to sell some program. This is not the forum for that. If your interest is to gain business through this forum, please delete your account.

Mdowning81. Anxiety and depression just happens. You may gain some insight at some point as to what triggered this condition, but that isn’t as important as doing exactly what your doing. These feelings of hopelessness are very scary, the fear became the issue for me. It just rocks our core and robs of self esteem. The more this process happens the more symptoms we have. What I have learned is to try to find something positive ( that is believable) when I’m having this fear response. The fact is these feelings will come and go, the more we try to find the answers the more confused we get. We can’t think our way out of this condition because our thinking is what is causing the condition in the first place. It can’t simply be changed, we have to add tools to help us to find balance, mindfulness,meditation, prayer ( for god to help us find peace) exercise,diet changes etc. thanks for joining this forum, it’s very helpful

mdowning81 in reply to Rpan

Absolutely agree with you, even on days that I am feeling better my self confidence is no where to be found. It's like depression has completely robbed me of it and I am having prove to myself that I am capable of doing all the things I used t ok take for granted

I have no answers bless you but please be reassured that we are all here to listen and help in anyway possible. Totally understand every word you said and it can make you feel extremely isolated and alone. It is o.k. to not feel o.k. and please take one day at a time. Try not to pressurise yourself and think today only x. Here if u need a chat.



I am also blessed with a wonderful family and situation. That knowledge doesn’t help me when I am severely depressed. Self-loathing and hopelessness pervades. I believe that hereditary factors and being verbally abused as a child are the culprits. I have to work hard and practice to be balanced. Personally, I trust in God to deliver me. I make time every morning to read from a daily devotional book, read the associated scriptures and pray. I need privacy and quiet time to practice this effectively. Gratitude is a huge deal to me. I am constantly thanking Him all day long and take Him with me wherever I go. All these things take practice. Please don’t thing that God has deserted you, because He has not. Seeking Him is an action. I view my difficulties as preparation for His will for my life. Be positive with God, practice, and trust. Sorry so long! I truly hope your mood improves!

Hi Friend,

I am new to this forum and saw your post and decided to just dig right in. I am a 47 year old male who is married with one child, a 13 year old daughter. I've had anxiety my whole life probably due to the fact that it seems to run in my Mom's family. But depression is relatively new for me, at least to the level that its at right now. I should explain that I have a ton of physical problems. For the past 20 years I have suffered from increasing weakness in my feet, then in my legs. Then about 10 years ago, I started noticing tenderness in my butt when sitting. This tenderness got worse over the years and I basically had to stop sitting about 6 years ago. It has held at the same level as long as I don't sit or when I do sit, I can't sit long at all, a minute or two that's it. The doctors don't know what it is. I tried all kinds of tests, injections, etc, nothing has helped. The best they can figure is that it's some kind of neuropathy, maybe a sciatic compression neuropathy.

I also suffer from Tourette's syndrome which causes constant motor tics. For those who don't know what a tic is, it's basically an urge to move or contract a certain muscle or part of the body. In addition to all of this physical stuff, there is also the normal stress of parenting, finances (I'm on disability now though, so that helps), and over the past 4 years my Mom has developed Alzheimer's disease. It's been a pretty miserable time. Because of the anxiety over all of this, and the increased tics, I was hyperventilating near constantly all day for several years. My anxiety got so bad a year and a half ago that I had to go back on medication to control the tics and hyperventilation, medication I had also taken years before for awhile. The drug has helped to calm me down, but this medication also causes a lot of side effects that make me feel weird. It can also cause permanent neurological damage. This knowledge combined with everything else has caused me to descend into depression over the past 2 years or so.

Reading your post, I can relate to several things you said--1) How your wife bears the brunt of it. Mine does too. And of course that makes me feel worse knowing that all my stuff is stressing her out. Although we are blessed that we have a good marriage and she is a super patient person. I also understand the feeling that you're failing your kids due to your struggles. Most days I don't even feel like being bothered with my daughter and that makes me feel like hell. 2) I'm also a Christian and I understand that whole dynamic of the depression testing your faith. I'm a Catholic so in our faith we have a strong understanding of our sufferings uniting us to Jesus and deepening us in our walk with the Lord. I truly feel that is what has kept me going so far. We know that things got pretty dark for Jesus mentally in the hours before his Passion and so I have some personal prayers that I pray to help me unite my mental sufferings to those he suffered while on earth. "My soul is sorrowful even to death," as he said. We can always go deeper in our faith and so I think my struggles have helped me to go deeper. Of course, faith is only one coping mechanism, there are others. I have learned to find little things to look forward to whether it be a particular meal or a good movie or show. I like to watch old shows from the 60's and 70's like the Twilight Zone. Regarding my daughter, I try to connect with her at least once a day, even if only for a few moments. I've found that this helps. Sometimes we watch a show together, or play a quick game on the Wii, or I try to share some thought with her regarding our faith.

There are probably many other coping mechanisms that I use that I can't think of right now because my mind is whirling from trying to write all of this down. I'll try to think of some more and post them.

God Bless and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

You are not alone, I am working and feel intense loneliness, it’s a lonely illness, I try to be positive , and do daily stuff, I am trying CBT , but have been let down recently, when I needed it, this is a great place to talk, sending healing hugs x

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