Want to be the old me

[Want2BetterNJ]

I'm a guy in my late 30's who developed mild anxiety in my mid 20's. I was able to handle things fairly well until my late 20's when work stress got to me and I sought out the help of a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with GAD and was prescribed Cymbalta, which changed my life.

At the end of last summer (2017), after a job change, I made the decision to come off of the Cymbalta after being on it for almost 10 years. While I had some mild withdrawal symptoms, I tolerated it pretty decently, and started to feel like my old self, anxiety free.

Unfortunately, at the end the year, my anxiety returned worse than ever, and I was effectively house-bound while I worked through several weeks of trying to get myself back onto a medication (and into talk therapy) to straighten things out. Since the beginning of January I've gone in and out of bouts of anxiety and depression. I've had days where I feel great, and days like today where I've been nauseous, dry heaving, and just generally not in good shape.

I'm currently on 30mg of Prozac which I take in the morning, and .5mg of Klonopin twice a day (in the morning and before bed).

I'm not looking for any advice on meds or anything, just looking for support from others that know how difficult this can be and be a source of encouragement and support. Hopefully I can positively contribute for others as well.

[Michael8072]

Hi want2betternj

I'm also in my late 30s and have been battling depression and anxiety. Have my good days and bad days. Currently not feeling well for the past week and has made things rough. Evenings are the worst for me. It's when I feel the most lonely. My thoughts take over then.

Anytime you need to reach out vent or chat we are all here to listen and support.

Hope for better days ahead soon for you!

[Want2BetterNJ in reply to Michael8072]

Thanks so much for the response. I actually seem to have the opposite issue time-wise, things (usually) get better for me as the day progresses, but sometimes not. I used to be a great sleeper, but now I wake up very early (between 3-5am), but when I try to fall back asleep, I get bombarded with intrusive thoughts - nothing dark, but just random images and sounds that wouldn't normally disturb me, but do for some reason at that time. Hoping for good days for all!

[Sprinkle1]

Hello, I think I can relate to your situation, I found coming off my med's when I was feeling better, and peer pressure "You are not going to stay on that are you?". I found it was not a wise thing to do, my Dr. convinced me, i.e. "If you were diabetic or head heart disease, would you take your med's?" Answer "Yes", :"This is no different, you need this med". So now many years older and learning the brain has it's own way of dealing with me, I built up a tolerance to Prosac, and then Zoloft, and now have been on different med's, now I have not only clinical depression, but severe anxiety, thank goodness my psychiatrist has played pill roulette with me and I am now on Gabapentin, Zyprexa, and the star that has saved me Viibryd. I am now feeling more like my old self, it is wonderful, this is only in two weeks, so I am looking forward to the 6 - 8 weeks when they are supposed to get to maximum strength. Be kind to yourself, take your med's and if they do not work, plan on asking your psych. Dr. to try something else, and attempt to stay on it as you would if you were diabetic. One of my good friends is diabetic and has been on insulin for years (also watches closely all foods she eats), she has just turned 85. I am 76 and now functioning , it got so bad I could not, read, watch TV, cook meals or drive. Now I am doing all those things, I am so happy. I plan on swallowing this pill every day til I die or build up a tolerance, (we live to be old in our family), so hang in there, come and talk to us, we will support you and help you if we can. Sending love & hugs Sprinkle 1........ xxoo

[Want2BetterNJ in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thanks Sprinkle1! My family had experience with anxiety and depression (both fortunately and unfortunately I suppose), so I'm not bashful about telling my Dr. what is and isn't working, but as you said, sticking with these meds, especially during the first few weeks of your body getting used to it can be the toughest thing. I'm only on 30mg of Prozac now, which had been working for about 6 weeks, but I'm going to check in with my Dr. again soon for an adjustment if things don't improve, assuming that's the right next step. I'm hoping this is shortlived, I have a family wedding at the end of the week and I REALLY want to enjoy it.

[Sprinkle1 in reply to Want2BetterNJ]

Prozac worked great for me, and quickly, I missed it once I built up a tolerance, I did OK on Zoloft, but the pills since led me on a wild ride, and not a nice one. But it looks like the Viibryd is going to work, only problem it does not come in generic, so is expensive. I am going to look into a program for uninsured users, should be able to get them free with my Dr's help, I did that with Prozac. I think it is disgusting we do not have better mental health care in our great US of A. You may need a higher dose, or if it does not work, perhaps another SSI, I did good on Zoloft for 10 years. I hope you can go and enjoy your wedding, let us know how you do, we and I send you support and love. Sprinkle 1..... xx

[broken4886]

Dear want to be Better,

I understand you frustration. The same happened to me...once I hit my early 20s anxiety and depression came roaring in. I was on lexapro for 6 years and my body got used to it. I started to decline again and ended up hospitalized. Now I’m on Prozac for the last 3 years. I have good days and bad. I know it’s so hard. And I’m sorry this is happening to you. So many days I wish I was the old me before my mental illness fully presented itself. Lately I’ve been feeling bad again. I don’t know if I need a med change or an up-ed dosage, but I know I need to get to the doctor soon before it gets too bad. My insurance kicks in tomorrow and I’m hoping that is going to be the start of some relief. Just know you aren’t alone. I think I will need meds for the rest of my life. Every time I go off...it just ends in me feeling horrible. I understand the want to not need the meds. But maybe we do need them to become our new selves. Maybe the answer is to be a better version of our old selves. I think it can happen. That is my hope. And I hope it for you too.

[Want2BetterNJ in reply to broken4886]

I'm not opposed to medication. I'm a pretty scientifically minded person and understand, likes Sprinkle1 pointed out earlier, the body may need them, just like a diabetic needs insulin, or heart patient needs heart meds. It's just frustrating to feel pretty good for a while, and then have things take a negative turn for what apparently seems like no reason. Today is starting out a little better than yesterday, and I'm not taking that for granted.

[SirGrits]

Hey Want2BetterNJ, while I'm in no place to tell (especially off of just an online post) but I'm not convinced that your "right now self" is a significant downgrade at all. From this sample, it seems to me that you are making the right choices for the right reasons. Hang in there.

[Want2BetterNJ in reply to SirGrits]

Thanks for that SirGrits. I'm usually a very outwardly social person, and while I'm in "this mode", I'm not "me". I'm hanging in there, knowing better days are ahead. Best to you as well!