Suicidal Thoughts

[amazingiraffe]

I have had depression for many years, and recently I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. Not that I actually want to die, but thoughts that randomly occur. Like I’ll be driving to work and I’ll think “if another car hit me and I got seriously injured, would that be so bad?” And then I realize what I’m saying and disregard that. I don’t want to die. It just seems easier sometimes.

[Red_Angle]

I understand this a little too well. I think all the time "I couldn't get lucky enough for someone to hit me...that would be too easy." I feel guilty sometimes for thinking it but I can also feel the relief it would bring. Dying is easy, but living is hard.

[amazingiraffe in reply to Red_Angle]

That’s exactly how I feel. And I don’t have much to complain about and I would be leaving behind people that love me. It’s just too hard sometimes

[Red_Angle in reply to amazingiraffe]

I understand that. When I get those feelings I just think that I'm being selfish. My husband and I barely make ends meet now and if I died who would help take care of him? He has children that I consider my own as well, who would help them?

[amazingiraffe in reply to Red_Angle]

It’s a complete cycle/battle in the war of depression. You have these thoughts and they sound so good. Then you realize what you’re thinking and you start feeling guilty. Then the thoughts start again because you’re a selfish human being

[Red_Angle in reply to amazingiraffe]

finally someone who understands! The other day I was driving with my step child in the car and all I could think about was how much I wanted to leave this world. I cried when we got home because I felt so bad about it. Not about wanting to leave but having those thoughts while my step child was with me

[amazingiraffe in reply to Red_Angle]

I’m so sorry. But you’re not alone with having those feelings

[pink318]

Hi Amazingiraffe,

How are you today, I hope you are doing great!

I have a friend and her father committed suicide when she was young. It was 15 years ago but she still remembers the pain of losing him. Until now she is traumatized and has many questions why did it happen. I want to encourage you to stay strong. You have a family who cares for you and they will be devastated when something bad happens.

I pray for peace as you pass through this season and you will overcome. Take care. We are here for you. Keep sharing.