My first thoughts are I want to die. It is my first reflex.
If I question that, my second thought is something like I don’t like how I’m feeling in this moment. I’m disappointed in myself. I want to feel better. I want to believe it’s okay and I’ll be okay.
Why does the second option seem more exhausting? Or why do my thoughts think the first one? Why??????????????????
maybe those thoughts ease the pain …
Three of my beloved relatives took that drastic path to relief from heartbreak and depression. The pain and grief of those of us left is excruciating. Please try to be hopeful and cultivate a gratitude habit, for things no matter how small. Author Matt Haig suffered severe depression and suicide attempt. If you could read his book, "Reasons to Stay Alive" please do that. Also know that people care about you, even though it might not always seem that way.
I found some relief from a sermon called, "God loves a broken heart". Because the broken heart called me back to Him.
hey man, keep hanging on. Try and find a therapist. If you do and it doesn’t feel like you’re getting anywhere, look for another. I had an issue with going to same therapist for 3 years and got nothing but losing my co-pay. Read an article about thinking that therapist are more like a significant other than a doctor, you need to find someone you can open up to. It’s the sweetest thing in the world when you find that one. Once you can open yourself to them, the real work starts.
If you ever need someone just to talk to, you can always reach out to someone here to talk! Venting goes a long way!!
Sorry you are going through this hard time. I’ve been trying to think positive for the last two months. Making a point to do so. Its definitely hard and alot of work to do. Everything points to that I should just complain and be negative, which feels much better. However, I have kept pushing through and I do see some positive effects from positive thinking. That being said I do have some really bad setbacks. Wish everything was easier. I have been listening to Marisa Peer which helps me believe. Take care. Best wishes.
I have the same issue. If there are no actual plans it’s called Suicidal Ideation. I am 68 and have had thoughts like yours most of my life but somehow I’m still here. In my case, I finally realized that thinking about dying was a kind of refuge for me. It’s a way for my mind to deal with and escape the tremendous mental anguish I sometimes feel. I told my doctor it is desperation. At the same time, I have a love of the beautiful things in the world like rainbows and flowers and sunsets, and I don’t want to miss out on that. I remind myself of the things I love when I am in the depths of my own hell. When you think that you want to die, remind yourself of all the things you would miss. Remember the things that bring you joy. Take care and keep on fighting for yourself.
I agree with the others. Having suicidal thoughts and ideation is a way for you to think that you can be rid of your pain. I'm not sure how serious your thoughts have been, but remember that suicide is PERMANENT and you can't change your mind. It also devastates your loved ones and some of them may never get over it. I am 62 years old and if there's anything I've learned in my life it is the fact that change is inevitable. The good news is that bad times don't last. Things WILL change for you. If you don't already see a therapist find one. Concentrate on the good things in your life, and ways that you're grateful. I try to think about those things when I'm lying in bed before I go to sleep. It also helps to do a morning meditation. I just found out I'm going to be a grandma, and that gives me all sorts of reasons to want to stay around. You will be in my thoughts.
Because the first one feels like a relief - I've been there. It's your brain chemistry messing with you. I hope you can get past this and find relief in your life. The world needs you!
My Depression is very painful at times. It feels unbearable. I think my brain decides Suicide is the best solution. I use CBT and reframe the thoughts. I tell myself I am capable I can handle this pain. I also pray often and meditate. It's been a hard life fighting my negative thoughts.
Very simple -- giving up takes far less effort than continuing the fight.
How to deal with suicidal thoughts 
Suicidal thoughts and attempts
Trigger warning: passive suicide thoughts
Suicide Thoughts 
