Learning to accept the loneliness - Anxiety and Depre...

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Learning to accept the loneliness

ABeth
ABeth
18 Replies

Good morning, this is my first time posting and I am already judging myself as I type. “Get over it” “be stronger” “you don’t need help” “overthinking” “grow up” etc etc etc. I’ve had depression for at least 30 years. I’ve managed to have outward successes but I struggle inside. The last month, “friends” are leaving me. I’ve been struggling with pain for 3 years. It’s changed who I am. I’m having more trouble hiding my depression and SI. When I drink which is few times a month. I’ve been drinking more. I’m hurting myself by doing this. My friend said it’s hard for her to care about me when I don’t care about myself! Someone explain to me this rationale. Depression most my life. Deep rooted emotional pain. Frequent SI and now pain that inhibits my ability to be active. And people think this is a good time to leave me alone. What this has taught me is I can only depend on myself and God.

18 Replies
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Spirit19

I’m only 19 years old and I suffer from depression and anxiety and PTSD from past abuse . I am sorry you’re struggling depression sucks and it’s hard to deal with when you’re feeling lonely . Nobody will judge you here . The loneliness becomes more and more everyday for me . I have so many people around me but yet I still feel lonely.

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ABeth
ABeth
in reply to Spirit19

Thank you Spirit for responding. I am going to make an effort to visit this site more often as I believe it will help me to feel less alone and not judged.

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Spirit19
Spirit19
in reply to ABeth

We are always here to listen and to not judge. This site has helped me a lot .

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legallystressed

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I lost people who I thought were lifelong friends and even my own sister due to my depression as well. It hurts like hell. I just try my best to value the few that are still there for me even more. I hope you have at least one person in your life like that. Hugs

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ABeth

Thank you, I do have a couple friends left and I am careful to not burden them. I am trying to keep things to myself. People ask “ how are you” but they don’t really want to know the truth. I will use my therapist as my outlet and I will check in with this group.

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Hidden
Hidden

Your friend is so wrong but this can be the way people react. It is a self centered approach to friendship, when someone is struggling that is the time to be there. Just being there for you is the best help to give because you need to rely on God, and yourself but it is important to have someone to talk to who will not judge you when you tell them what you are struggling with. They do not need to help just listen and assure you of the love and support they give. I pray that the Lord send you a friend who is compassionate and wise. I will be praying as always. God’s blessings.

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ABeth
ABeth
in reply to Hidden

Thanks, I think it was shitty too cuz I am a good friend. It was a mutual friendship. We listened to each other and supported one another. It’s because of the drinking. I was using it to escape the pain and bad feelings. Just looking for some relief from the depression. I know it makes it worse and I have stopped but telling me to stop drinking and walking away is cruel. I can’t stay mad and hurt thou. They are ignorant and I need to accept it and move forward 🙏

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to ABeth

Hopefully time will heal the relationship. Please do not go back to the drinking, you do not want to add another struggle to your plate. We have to retrain our minds to think right. Reading the word of God and prayer. Devote this time to your healing and things will change.

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ABeth
ABeth
in reply to Hidden

Yes agreed. I went back to church this week which helps. Can’t isolate

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to ABeth

It was a battle that I had to fight but it wasn’t until I learned the fight was building my faith that things got better.

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hypercat54

Hi I am sorry you are suffering so much but this is what I think. It is often the case that people walk away when we need them the most. I am sure this is because they feel under pressure and can't cope with the full weight of their loved ones feelings. In other words they get scared and run. I don't think it means they don't care but rather they don't understand or feel inadequate to deal with it.

Don't forget that others also go through terrible times in their lives sometimes, ok they haven't got any mental health issues, but everyone has problems in life as you well know. No one can allow themselves to be dragged down beyond their own level to cope.

One of my sisters has an undiagnosed personality disorder and can be very difficult at the best of times. When she was physically ill last year she was a nightmare. Ok she was in a lot of pain and on strong meds but she several times viciously verbally attacked me even though I was running to the doctors and shops for her and cooking her meals, seeing to the dog and keeping her company. As soon as her very close male friend was free I was very relieved and left it to him as I was much too fraught and upset to continue.

I long learned to cope alone with my own depression as my family didn't want to know and just made it worse. I do talk a bit about it with a couple of friends who understand but keep it short and occasional. I do think that is the best way. The only time I really talk about it much is on here and another site. x

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ABeth
ABeth
in reply to hypercat54

I understand. It may not be personal but it feels that way.

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kimmy30

Hi ABeth I can relate to u,100%. Almost like ur telling my story. Accepting loneliness is really hard to do. I have been told many times that I dont love myself. I was looking for love sometime anyone to love me. in away my ex friends was right, i didn't love myself.

sometimes it not want you say it how u say it. A real friend would tech u how to love yourself and not preach about it. KIDS are tought to love there self,just like kids are taught to hate.

I wasn't raise in a home to love myself and those issues stay with me.

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ABeth
ABeth
in reply to kimmy30

Same. So sad but true. Learning to love myself just the way I am. Not when I lose weight, but new car, get another degree etc etc. 🙏

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mlj6019

I am very sorry you are struggling. Know that you are not alone and I’m thankful you decided to share your deepest thoughts and feelings. I think we all are our own biggest critical judges. You seem to be very insightful and in touch with your inner self. Alcohol is a depressant and makes us even more depressed. The bottle is never the answer to any of life’s problems. I’m glad to read that you have a therapist you see and that you went back to church. God will never disappoint and always loves us in spite of ourselves. Loving ourselves is the hard part. Hang in there and may God bless you.

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ABeth
ABeth
in reply to mlj6019

Thank you for your thoughtful response

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pam4him

So sorry you are struggling with so much. First, we all need help at times. We cannot do this thing called life alone. Self talk is good, but try to keep it positive. "Come on, get up, you can do it" rather than "why can't I ..., Grow up, etc." It's not weakness or immaturity to be depressed. Second, as for the friend, I'm not sure they know how to help you, maybe leaving them feeling helpless. Sometimes instead people will walk away when they don't know what to do. Hang in there, and keep on keeping on. You. Can. Make. It. Prayers for peace and strength.

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ABeth
ABeth
in reply to pam4him

Thank you

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