I live a very lonely life.

[Shutterbug65]

I wish to say thank you to all those who read and responded to my post. Many times I often live in the past. Trying to relive happy times with friends and family members who are no longer here. I was so happy when I was younger, but the people who loved and cared for me I often took for granted, figured they would always be there. If only I had listened more.

I know I must have disappointed a lot of people, I let social anxiety control my decisions to be with people, basically I abandoned my family, but also I let anxiety prevent me from doing things that would have made a difference in my life. I dropped out of college three times because of anxiety, but I kept it hidden. I just figured I was young and eventually things would go my way. Now I’m depressed, filled with lots of fears and anxiety, and of course alone. I’m 53 and I wasted my life. If only I could do it all over again. I’m so sorry for all those I’ve hurt and abandoned. And now after all these years I have no one.

I do have occasional thoughts of suicide. I just can’t imagine continuing a life like the one I made for myself. I have no one to blame but me.

Thank you guys for your understanding.

[Hidden]

I'm so so sorry you're feeling so down. Ya know it's never too late to reach out to try to reach out to a family member or friend, then you will be able to say you tried, that's of course up to you. I'm here for you sending love, peace & hugs!!!

[gogogirl]

Not too late to possibly take college courses or get a certificate. Listen, I am much older and also have some regrets. Sorry that happened, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Welcome to this post. Perhaps you could also volunteer? I know what it's like to look back with the woulda coulda , but guess what- I'll bet you did the best you could have at that time.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to gogogirl]

The thing is I didn’t do the best I could years ago. I simply made excuses and let my anxiety make the decisions for me. I pushed people away, I shrugged off whatever advice was offered. I thought things would get better by themselves. That I’d figure it out some how. I didn’t push myself, whenever I would feel uncomfortable I’d quit.

So here I am. So many years later, no friends and no family. I lived a very narrow existence, I was always afraid to try something new, something unknown. And this is the rrsult.

But thank you for your reply. Everyone here is so kind and supportive. I wish I had your strength.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

I can relate to you, but you are strong...stronger than you think. Im here if you ever need a friendor someone to talk to who can relate. Take care 😇

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

A very belated thank you. It’s hard for me to keep up with these messages.

[Lakewolf]

Your life is NOT wasted.

You will never know how many people’s lives you changed for the better.

Just because you don’t know doesn’t mean it didn’t happen...and it can be as innocent as smiling to someone on the street.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Lakewolf]

Thank you. It’s a nice thought to believe that through some kind of small gesture we can change someone’s life. And not even know it. But I go through life believing no one would want to be with me. All I have are negative thoughts about myself, of missed opportunities, a lifetimes worth. I need to start being kind towards myself, and see the good in me. If only it was that simple. I’m just so afraid of change.

[Lakewolf in reply to Shutterbug65]

It really is simple to see the cascading effects of your kindness on someone’s life.

[Lakewolf in reply to Shutterbug65]

It takes courage, I know... but if you do this, not only have you done something for yourself, you can feel proud of yourself for accomplishing something that seems impossible now.

I’m here if you need me. Love you.

[gogogirl]

You could also say to yourself: Do I really want to live the rest of my life like that? I remember an old therapist saying that to me. I'll bet your family who has passed would want you to be happy. Also, there is nothing wrong with reliving happy memories. Isn't life ironic- like looking back with the eyes in back of our heads? What kind of degree or career would you like to pursue? Also, you might not know it, but you've already helped people right on this site!

[Shutterbug65 in reply to gogogirl]

Sometimes I feel like I’m all alone. That everyone atleast has one person in their lives. And I could not imagine living the rest of my life this way. What will happen to me as I get older? I’m absolutely alone and it’s my fault, I let my life come to this.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

I'm here for you shutterbug!!! Sending you love & Hugs!!!

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

I know you are. Thank you for your understanding.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

Hey man it's my pleasure! Talk soon???? Love & Hugs!!!

[Lakewolf in reply to Shutterbug65]

I’m here, too.

[gogogirl]

PM me if you'd like.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you. I will

[gogogirl in reply to Shutterbug65]

Good- I know what it is to look backwards with some regrets .

[gogogirl in reply to Shutterbug65]

Looking forward to that.

[Hidden]

Can relate but it is not over, start again. Get your relationships back, fight for your healing, do things you always wanted to do, do not give up, be strong. God’s blessings. Jesus saves to the utmost!

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much.

But I feel like it’s all over. I’m so scared every morning when I wake up. The mornings are by far the worst time of the day for me, and I never get enough sleep. I wish I had the courage to fight, but I fell into this pattern of putting things off and filling my head with negativity. But every day I get up is another opportunity.

Thanks for your wonderful words of encouragement.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

I woke up this morning at 4am singing the gospel song. To the utmost Jesus saves, Lord revive us again. God has heard you and seen your distress. Hold on God is going to strengthen you so you can fight. Hold on.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

Shutterbugs65, I pray for others because God says it is what we are to do. Not enough prayer goes up for people in our situation. When we pray for others God hears us and while He is working for the person you are praying for He also remembers you. So I am staying in prayer because I do not want us to continue to suffer when there is a God who is able and willing to help us get back to health. Retrain your thought life, like we got in it, we can get out. It is not easy, if it were easy we would not need God’s help. I heard it said, a problem is not a problem if you can handle it yourself. I will be praying.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

I’m sorry I’m so late with my response. I often have a hard time keeping up with my messages.

Thank you for your uplifting message. I hope God hears all of us who are struggling with anxiety and depression.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

Not late Shutterbus65, I believe it is as the Lord God planned it. I also hope and believe God hears all of us who are struggling.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

[Hidden]

I have the same lonely issues. It's a painful realization when you get older. You had no control over the anxiety, it was not your fault. I will be fifty this year and surrounded by emptiness.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Try to make friends. I am fortunate to have a loving family and a very good friend who stays by my side. When I was lonely I thought I was not going to make it but I did. I am no longer lonely and thankful to the Lord God. For people suffering with anxiety, depression, PTSD, bipolar, and all such things, loneliness is not a good thing to have to deal with. I pray that friends come into our lives to help enrich it.

[crowningglory19]

You can not keep people here by appreciating them more. There's no guarantee they will stay then.

53 is young, you still have much time to make a better life for you by improving it for others. Get involved! Go help others thru volunteering and saving them from making same bad choices. The best teacher is experience so you can teach others. Also, now is the time to change! These are the things I found that helped me a lot! I take Vitaman B complex for energy every morning! Get a good brand. I love Nature's Sunshine. I also in evening take magnesium and ginseng. They calm the mind body and spirit and get rid of those sticky negative thoughts that loop around and keep us in regret rather than change. Magnesium malate is the best type, citrate is good too but too much will make you GO! =) tmi? =D It's really important to laugh too! Watch funny shows, and funny videos online. Laughter does heal. Blessings to you, here's to a new future!

[BW33]

I know how U feel. Anxiety controlled my choices, and I didn’t make good ones. We have each other n all the good people on this site.🦋

[Shutterbug65 in reply to BW33]

Very true. Anxiety tends to isolate us and prevents us from experiencing the joyful things in life. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand. Which one comes first? I don’t know.

[morenews]

It is not too late now, you should try something, one little thing, connect with someone, take one course. The step would give you strength to take another. We are still here while we are alive and it is never too late ...not to change our life but change something about our life...or even try.

You helped me this morning, I am also anxious and I can because of that sabotage my own steps and decisions. But you gave me strength this morning to take next step regardless of anxiety ...thank you so much for that.

[gogogirl]

Einstein said something to the effect that if someone had never made a mistake, then one would never try anything new.

[Hidden]

On my way to church this morning. I will lift you up in prayer during the service. Do not know where you live but if you are ever in East Brunswick, NJ let me know and we can go to church together.

[bw333]

We r her for U. U. Not alone. Many of us feel this way!