I work in tech support for local government. I have a ten year old, amazing girl and we live with my boyfriend in this cute apartment that we love in a nice town. My life has turned into something I could not have ever imagined.
But I don't have friends, my family is a wreck. And I have a panic disorder that no one understands. No one can talk me through the attacks, which makes them worse. My incredible boyfriend has reached his limit, it seems, and is shutting down.
I don't know what to do. I make friends easily, sure, but not the kind of friends that you can say a key word to and they coach you out of the darkness. I don't have anyone like that, and that scares me. I do as much on my own as I can. I'm currently between therapists, waiting another two months for an appointment with a psychiatrist. Meanwhile I hate that I have this thing that makes me difficult to love and impossible to support. The fact that no one can handle this with me is terrifying.
That's why I'm here. I can't put this on my boyfriend anymore, at least not right now. "I've never done this before," he says. But his body language and facial expressions, voice, EVERYTHING screams "I can't do this, what have I done, why are we together" and I can't handle that.
I need support, so I came here.
How does this work? How do you maintain loving relationships with people that you know can only handle you on the surface?
Somebody, anybody. Say something. Thank you.
I feel this exact same way with my husband. I can tell he is just getting tired of me constantly nagging or needing reassurance but I can't help it. I don't have panic attacks I just worry constantly about things that will probably never even happen. I can relate though when you say you can tell your boyfriend is getting fed up. I feel so much the same with my husband. I have never been on any medication so I am talking to my doctor about that now. I'm sorry I don't have better advice for you, just know you're not alone!
Wow, thank you!
It can be so tough. I try to give him as much time in between the attacks as I can, and I talk myself out of most of the daily worries. I try to only bring him what I truly can't carry, but I guess that's more than I thought it was.
Bubbles, that's my answer. Little bubbles of days where you smile and laugh and remind them why they're with you without saying a word about it. Today I'm using Bitmojis in texts because they look so cute and happy. I don't know what else to do.
Take care and good luck to you. I hope you find some relief. <3
Thanks! Giving my husband time away from me when I know I have been very needy seems to help him. But it makes it difficult for me until he comes back around to being him normal self just like it does for me to. It just stinks!
Yes it does! And it can cause resentment. When I have to pull back because I recognize that he can't handle it, my affection afterwards is almost passive aggressive. It feels like lightening up the expectations of a child. And that's not right.
Yep, I know exactly what you mean! I have to really try hard to just walk away and get myself together so I don't cause any more problems. Then I feel super guilty once I realize it's usually my fault there is tension between us. I'm also a really confrontational person and it just does not help at all when I am feel anxious