I work in tech support for local government. I have a ten year old, amazing girl and we live with my boyfriend in this cute apartment that we love in a nice town. My life has turned into something I could not have ever imagined.
But I don't have friends, my family is a wreck. And I have a panic disorder that no one understands. No one can talk me through the attacks, which makes them worse. My incredible boyfriend has reached his limit, it seems, and is shutting down.
I don't know what to do. I make friends easily, sure, but not the kind of friends that you can say a key word to and they coach you out of the darkness. I don't have anyone like that, and that scares me. I do as much on my own as I can. I'm currently between therapists, waiting another two months for an appointment with a psychiatrist. Meanwhile I hate that I have this thing that makes me difficult to love and impossible to support. The fact that no one can handle this with me is terrifying.
That's why I'm here. I can't put this on my boyfriend anymore, at least not right now. "I've never done this before," he says. But his body language and facial expressions, voice, EVERYTHING screams "I can't do this, what have I done, why are we together" and I can't handle that.
I need support, so I came here.
How does this work? How do you maintain loving relationships with people that you know can only handle you on the surface?
Somebody, anybody. Say something. Thank you.