Needing strength... (sorry for the rant) - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
44,084 members45,762 posts

Needing strength... (sorry for the rant)

faulhallen
faulhallen

I find myself needing strength more than usual this week. I ranted about some of what’s happened in a comment while upset and maybe I shouldn’t have done so but it’s a bit late for that now.

I have an interview Friday for a job that may not quite meet what I made with GM but will be pretty close and potentially have more useful company discounts depending on where I end up living next year. Even if things work out with it I probably wouldn’t start working until January because of the holidays though. My friends have all been supportive and I seem to have been approved for unemployment even if I don’t know for what amount....

But I am so depressed already...

I can’t believe how fast I seemed to backtrack on the progress I’ve made over the last several months. Saturday I was awful, Sunday I felt pretty good after spending a lot of time with my children until something happened that evening and Monday I was surprisingly ok... but all of that is gone already.

Losing my job and no longer knowing if or when I can move out without going home to my parents 2 hours away has a lot to do with it. Most of it is my ex mother-in-law though.

She has been nastier to me than she has probably ever been before this week. She’s yelled about me losing my job, about wanting to take my daughter to see a movie like I had planned all week so my daughter would know things were ok, about “wasting gas” to take my kids maybe 2-3 miles to go to the park my daughter loves, about wanting to simply go to a friends house because of gas, about my daughter seeing me cry on Saturday, for not doing enough around the house after spending 6 hours cleaning and doing special projects on top of taking care of both kids all day, helping my daughter with her homework, cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards.

I lost a job she encouraged me to take through no fault of my own. Two days before I got the phone call she sat in the same room as me and went on and on about how awful it was that people were being laid off.

I know she’s mad at my ex and is worried she’s dying but that’s no excuse to drag me into it or belittle me in front of my children. I’m really losing sight of why I stay here. That if I do move out to the only place I’d feel comfortable asking and can afford it would make it almost impossible to find and hold a job up here and be near my children.

There’s a large part of me that just wants to throw as much of my stuff in storage as I can afford, abandon the rest and get the hell out of here... I can’t take this anymore...

16 Replies
oldestnewest
Hidden
Hidden

I watch the news...I saw the GM story...and never once did I think of the actual people affected.

I am ashamed of myself. You made it real. I am so sorry for the loss of your job.

And your ex mother-in-law is simply wrong. Her actions are wrong.

This is not your fault. My therapist is trying DBT with me. A big part of which is understanding that most of the things we deal with are the result of choices we made...but not always. This is the case for you.

You did nothing wrong. Take care of your children as you see fit. Life gets hard, but we still have to keep living.

You have my sympathy...and my support. And my apology for not considering the ones directly affected.

faulhallen
faulhallen
in reply to Hidden

Don’t feel bad about not thinking about the actual people. Anymore you hear so much awful news it’s understandable to not think about who it actually affects because it would weigh down everyone so much if they did.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me 🙂

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to faulhallen

We...I just get so caught up in our problems, we forget it could be worse.

I read this yesterday somewhere...never forget that there is someone out there who would be grateful for 10% of what you have.

I have so much to be grateful for.

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your job. It sounds as if you have taken control of the situation and are on the right path! Good for you! You could have chosen to shut down and instead did the opposite! That’s awesome. As for your ex mother-in-law, she is projecting her own issues and fears on you. I’m not making an excuse for her, just saying; try not taking all of what she has said to heart. Time spent with your kids is not a waste ever, as you and even the ex MIL know. Don’t let her stress bog you down. Keep thriving friend!

faulhallen
faulhallen
in reply to Krn210

I’m trying not to but it’s getting to me worse this week than it has in a long time. I’m trying to stay positive and stay on the right path but it has its share of problems and her acting this way certainly doesn’t help.

Thank you for your response. 🙂. I hope you’re having a good day.

Krn210
Krn210
in reply to faulhallen

Have you said anything to her? My Mom has a habit of just saying whatever whenever. I used to take it and hurt in silence. I finally got to the point that I call her out. I do not do so in a confrontational manner. I usually say something like Hey I’ve heard enough of that. You may not mean it to sound so harsh but it does and it hurts. She has apologized to me on more than one occasion because she really is just oblivious. 🙄

Today is an ok day. I hope that today is better for you!

faulhallen
faulhallen
in reply to Krn210

I generally try to avoid any interaction with her that isn’t absolutely necessary. There are times where it may be she didn’t mean to be so spiteful but a surprising number of her attacks can’t possibly be anything else. She’ll start with something like “you have no f-ing sense you know that?” So I have not said anything to her about it specifically because anything I say will just give her more to provoke me with.

I do like your suggestion though and I have done that with other people and it’s worked. Today has been okay for me overall. Thank you for your continued support and suggestions 😃

Krn210
Krn210
in reply to faulhallen

So she’s one of those people 😉 I have an aunt like that, and yes you’re right. If you say something it could go one of two ways. Adding fuel to her fire, or her feeling “personally attacked.” Maybe just a I hear all of your unnecessary commentary and for the record it needs to stop. Unless we’re discussing the kids all other discussion isn’t needed. I mean if you didn’t have any sense you’d walk around acting like her. 😉😂 Hope that one made you laugh.

faulhallen
faulhallen
in reply to Krn210

Thank you I needed that. I do agree that it could go one of two ways and I might try your suggestion. I’m not sure it could make things worse for me to say that I’m really struggling right now and her comments only bring me down and make it harder to look for work. She was in a decent enough mood what little I was around her last night and I’ll be out of the house a large part of today but I’ll definitely consider telling her soon. 🙂

Hidden
Hidden

Hey buddy, I am so sorry. I know you’re going through so much right now, but keep holding on & fighting to get through this. I’m always here for you if you need me. I love you! 💖💖✨✨

faulhallen
faulhallen
in reply to Hidden

Thank you! I’m trying. I love you to! 💕

Your ex mother in law is a piece of work, when she start yapping you should get up and leave she's not worth it and you don't need the stress that she brings. It's the holidays can you get out of there and go somewhere just for a weekend

In general I try to avoid her as much as possible and I have just up and left while she’s talking to me. Usually it ends with her screaming insults after me and slamming doors. The last couple of times it’s happened she’s done it while I’m setting up my son’s next feeding or doing his medicine so in those moments it’s hard to just leave as much as I want to.

I’m going to find ways of getting out of the house again. I’m toying with the idea of driving to my parents’ house for the weekend but I haven’t decided yet and it’s getting a bit last notice to drop in on them. Thank you for being there for me 🙂

This might be crazy, but have you and your ex thought about rooming together somewhere (for a while at least.) ? I mean you're already living together, and money is tight for both of you. Just like, anything to get away from your insane mother in law abusing you both. I just feel so bad that your whole family is at the mercy of this spiteful old lady.

faulhallen
faulhallen
in reply to Eowyn7

As much as I hate the idea and as weird as things can be it has come up as a possibility. It puts moving out closer to February probably now that I’m out of work unless something changes or unemployment works out correctly and for a good amount. I’ve hit a snag involving calendar quarters and when and where I worked in terms of the state that I didn’t know was a thing but I think it’s progressing correctly agin just at a slower pace in a lower-budget state 😕. Thank you for the support! I hope you’re doing well 🙂

I am sorry for what you are going through. This stressful situation may be more anxiety related. I read a book by Max Lucado called " Anxious For Nothing" that really helped me. One thing I do is think about all the blessings I have in my life ( or you can write them down too) Are you seeing anyone professionally that you have been able to talk too. If not here is a number for a great organization that can offer FREE counselling advise and can refer you to professionals in you area 1-855-382-5433 also here are a couple links to resources that might help bit.ly/2QRzBrr and bit.ly/2yc8nk5 bit.ly/2SoiFFH and bit.ly/2BK9A33 Prayers my friend

You may also like...