Down and alone

[Wilderness13]

Tgis is my first time on this platform.i just needed to find people who understand how it feels to be surrounded by people who may know exactly how you feel without judging you.

[Hidden]

Well hello & welcome....I think there are always people who are going to judge, it's easy I guess to do when you don't walk in our shoes. What's going on with you? I'll try to help however I can! XXX

[Wilderness13]

I am married. No kids.. And from time to time i feel very low. And sometimes i will be okay but something little may put me into anxiety attack. I think amd i just react. Needy or seeking attention from my spouse. But he gets angry and calls them tantrums. And now he wants to leave because he thinks i may hurt him. He thinks i am a narcisist. He thinks i am disrespectful and out of control when i have a tantrum. He thinks my needyness is an abuse on his part. I feel like a burden to him and i want to free him but we have not been married very long. I worry about what people will say. I am so depressed and confused. I have no desire to keep going through pain amd rejection over and over again. I keep thinking i am not good enough. I will never be good enough for this world. I have been dealing with this pain for since i was a child becaise i remember attempting suicide at that time.

Sometimes i feel like disappering. I wish there was a way i could reset my life and know what happiness means😥

So i decided to join a group of people where people who do not know me may possibly understand me.

[Hidden in reply to Wilderness13]

Wow I really feel for you. Are you getting any help from a Dr. or therapist? only you have the answers & if you aren't getting help, I would suggest you do. I know how hard the first step is, but you will not regret doing it for yourself! Remember you are special because there is only 1 you!! Love & Hugs!

[Wilderness13 in reply to Hidden]

Not yet. In my country its not that easy. I wish i could disappear.

[Hidden in reply to Wilderness13]

No you don't really want to do that, do you? You've got to fight the good fight! You'll get a lot of support here, I'm included! Are you able to take your mind to a happy place or focus on something you really enjoy? I'm just trying to think of things I do. Try slow breathing in through your nose, out through your mouth, I find these things to be very helpful for me. I wish for you peace of mind! Love & Hugs!!!

[fauxartist]

welcome....can you share a bit about yourself so we can get to know you, and you can get to know us by reading others posts and comments and hopefully it will help you as well.

[Wilderness13 in reply to fauxartist]

Hi Fauxartist.

I am from Africa. And my marriage is on the rocks i suppose.

Whats more is I feel I have been the only one fighting for this marriage.

I will keep reading but as it is i feel so drained from life.

I am thinking of quitting my job too.

[fauxartist in reply to Wilderness13]

I know that when we are going through a relationship that's in trouble, it's very scary, sad, everyone is emotional...and you just feel like life has let you down....but I will tell you my friend....if you can manage it...hold onto your job....unless you have another one lined up. As hard as it was for me when I realized my marriage of 15yrs was over, and I felt like I had been hit by a tank.....the smartest thing I did was keep working.

Things are so much harder when you have to worry about income, the other thing is, the last thing you want right now is a lot of time on your hands....working keeps you busy through this process....it's pure hell...I really understand it...but you don't need the added anxiety. If you feel you have no chance and things are too far gone, then start planning what your next step is...sure you want to curl up in a ball and leave the world out side...but you have to keep moving through this no matter what. If your partner has given up....then your going to have to take care of yourself and your needs. If you do have counselling available...it's really good to have a non-bias professional to give you some good pointers on getting through this process...it's a terrible loss right up there with the lose of someone....it helped me a lot.

I am so sorry...it's not one person's fault when things don't work out....it takes two to make a relationship, so don't blame yourself, or feel guilty or bad, it's just the way things work out sometimes..your not alone with this. There are a number of members here going through the relationship thing, divorce, separation, and post divorce. I'm really glad you found a place to share here, your in good company and not alone.

[Stilltrying_]

Which country are you from? If you don't mind me asking. It will help us understand more or you can just tell us somewhere near where it is or something. I'm guessing it's not UK, or USA?

[Wilderness13 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Hi,

I am from Africa. Zambia.

[Stilltrying_]

Ah, thank you for sharing this information. I must admit I know nothing of what services are available or how the whole counselling/mental health thing works in Zambia though I did try a little Google search and I saw that mental health has only a tiny budget.

It's a tricky situation and it seems that you are distressed and anxious and your husband is seeing your "lack of stability" for want of a better description as a tantrum. What do you think is the matter with you at the moment and what do you feel would help? You say you are also thinking of leaving your job. Do you feel that you possibly have a mental illness which is causing these things or is it situational? New marriage, difficult job etc.

There may be some online counselling you can access if face to face counselling is not readily available in your area but I just thought I would ask you a few questions, as it's difficult to say for sure what is happening with you. Sometimes with mental illness people can have "outbursts" through no fault of their own and their moods swing. I don't think you are a narcissist by the way as narcissists would probably rarely or never come on a forum like this as they think themselves superior!

Sorry not a great response I know but my brain is a bit "foggy" at the moment. It's 9.30pm here in the Uk. What time is it where you are?

Gemma x

Ps Also , what was your childhood like? Do you know why you felt you wanted to commit suicide at so young an age?

[Wilderness13]

I really do not remember what about my childhood madr me feel neglected. I just know i have constantly had to deal with rejection all my life.

[Wilderness13]

I think it is really situational... Tiny things get to my head and its so hard to explain or be understood.