I am hurt and alone.

[silverashes]

When someone who you had no intentions of becoming romantically involved with, pursues you relentlessly and you being vulnerable due to negativity at home, succumb to this pursuit. It's your very first adult relationship and you start thinking this person loves you therefore you fall in love with them. But they hurt you throughout the 3.5 years y'all were together. And now you're lost because you thought you found home in someone and gave them your body, mind, and soul and they left you. It's been over 5 months I haven't seen him or spoke to him . I cry randomly and have panic attacks. People don't seem to care. I can't live like this anymore.

[Hidden]

Hey, I care. I know heartbreak a little too well. I'm not sure what I can say to comfort you. Breaking up is hard to do. I believe it's better to leave than to stay in a relationship where there's a lot of issues and problems going on. But I know it still hurts like hell. Be kind to yourself. Take one day at a time.

[silverashes in reply to Hidden]

My heart is broken because it was my first relationship. I had a friend who was a "boyfriend" when I was 16 but we had nothing special besides movies and teenage thrills. I feel empty when I go anywhere. The roller coaster of feeling like dropping everything and driving over to him mixed with the reality of how wrong he was towards me... I mean three years and the man never even said happy birthday to me on my birthdays... I knew he had a few mental issues himself but all I asked of him was to be honest and be there for me..... I feel like during an experience like this it is very important to reach out to people. Many people told me to consider therapy but I don't have health insurance therefore that's a negative. I am very happy I decided to become a member here. Your considerate words have given me much more power than you can imagine.

[Hidden in reply to silverashes]

The thing about getting therapy is even if you had great health insurance a lot of times it's only partially covered or not covered at all. However, I bet it would be helpful for you. Maybe it would help to go on Amazon and pick up some kind of book about relationships. I've read some books by Barbara DeAngelis that have helped me, one that I thought was good is titled, Are You the One For Me? I tend to watch all kinds of stuff on YouTube, there's a woman on there, her name is Susan Winter who has a channel where she talks about relationships, I watch her sometimes and I like some things she has to say. Those are just suggestions. Look, you will get through this. He's not the only guy out there. Find someone who's good to you and treats you right and who genuinely wants to get you a nice card and gift for your birthday. Nothing wrong with wanting that. Don't put up with bad and rude behavior. I'm really into music. Why don't you look up this song that helped me get through a rough break up? Go to YouTube and look up He's Gone by Tove Lo. Maybe you already know it, but I hope it cheers you up. Take care!!!☺

[Sunflowerxxxxxx]

Hi have you considered counselling because with five months gone by i would have thought you may have started to find things easier... not forgot and not think about it because that doesnt happen but certainly coping much better i think you would benefit from counselling maybe😊

[1OshunDreamer]

Silver there isn't a time limit on this type of loss. When I was 18 I met a man, dated for 3 & 1/2 years, married for 30 years and divorced for 2. He hurt me a lot but I never realized it was mentally abusive until my sister told me he was. The 28th year of marriage we had decided to split but neither of would leave the home until it sold. So it was in our 29th year that I finally moved out and was crying, couldn't get out of bed, missed work and a total bitch to my loved ones. That's when my sister basically told me to snap out of it. She told me that I had, had a hard life and how he was abusive mentally. I sat there stunned when I realized that hurt was actually mental abuse. It was then that I could move onto the "anger" stage.

I talk about journaling a lot and had done it years ago with a counselor. I started, again that day. I cried really hard while I was writing but it was worth it because I had a couple of ah ha moments. It was about 6 months ago, after I started dating someone that I finally could say goodbye. I still think about good times and him but more as a friend I grew up with.

Take your time, for now, and find what works for you. For me, journaling, joining this site and finally speaking up about all of those awful things he said to me over the last year has helped me greatly. You will heal and you will be a stronger person because of this experience, I promise.

[silverashes in reply to 1OshunDreamer]

I cannot thank you enough for sharing your experience with me. Before joining this site, I have been bottling up all my pain....I still live with my family because I screwed up after high school and didn't attend college until 5 years after...so basically I'm 5 years behind....During those 5 years I worked at banks and from teller went to personal banker..... When you spoke of mental abuse that hit home. You know what the worst part of it is? That you don't even know you're being abused until the damage is done. I loved this man more than anything and he kept hurting me and playing around with me. I want to start dating again but I find myself lost.... Time will heal... I appreciate you so much.....

[Hidden]

Hi Silver, At least you didn't say all men are the same Heartbreak is had to deal with but the other way to look at it, is what you lear from it. It is better to have tried and it it isn't you that failed, it is him. You can't love everyone that comes into your life and perhaps he wasn't prepared to give the commitment that was needed. Something I find useful is to make a list of the positives and the negatives of the situation. Work your way down the negative side and turn them into positives.

[silverashes in reply to Hidden]

Heartbreak is horrible and I feel lost many times throughout the days. I tried and constantly kept going back even after he did some very nasty things to me. I believe this is where the list is going to start. To not chase someone especially when you know you've done nothing wrong besides love a person. Thank you for your response.

[Hidden]

Ik exactly how you feel, I've felt like that about a girl and I'm still lost and broken and have panic attacks from her breaking me. Idk what I can say to make it better, because even after 3yrs I'm still not better. But I'm here if you need a friend to talk to that understands.

[silverashes in reply to Hidden]

Hi there RKJ33. I appreciate you so much for reaching out to me. The whole reason I came to this site was to connect with people because I've isolated myself for such a long time already. I realize more and more with each day that passes, I am better off without him, and the saying time heals is def on the money. I pray and am sending you happy healing positive vibes from my end.

[Hidden in reply to silverashes]

You're welcome anytime you need to talk I'm here for you. I hope you find a wonderful man who appreciates you and treats you like a queen. All women deserve to be treated like queens.

[Panicqueen]

Someone cares. I care. I know this pain you speak of, I've experienced it several times in my life. Time is your friend, although it seems forever, but it really isn't. You are loved.