I'm Aurora

[aurora31]

Hi, I'm Aurora, I'm 31 and I've been depressed with ups and downs in the last 5 years. The last two years the situation has gotten worse as I've been raped and tortured by a guy I met online. I feel lonely all the time, I have panic attacks and I hate going out and meet new people because I feel scared, unworthy and I don't think anyone would like me.

[Hidden]

Oh Aurora31!! I’m so sorry you’ve been traumatized...I hope you have gotten rid of him. That’s no good. I know your self-esteem has taken a blow. Is this man out of your life?

[aurora31 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your answer. I got rid of him a long time ago. I wasn't involved with him, I just invited him over for a coffee and he tortured me for two days. I blame myself for trusting him every single day. It's so sweet of you to take your time and talk to me...Thank you.

[Hidden in reply to aurora31]

You are worthy, as we all are! Work on boosting your self-esteem and go do things sometimes when you don’t want to, especially with friends. Isolating just intensifies all of our negative thoughts. Try to think positively and know that you’re worthy and able! Wishing you the best 🌷🙂🌷

[aurora31 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your advice! You're right, we all are worthy. I am always trying. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I wish you all the best too!

[Hidden in reply to aurora31]

I understand 🙂

[Gloria_carr]

hello Aurora ive been raped twice & i know how you feel, Never think your not worthy your more than worthy i hope you is stronger thanni was at that time in my life & had him arrested i lived with this for 20+ yrs thinking it was me ,thats what makes us human trusting people even the wrong people at time. You are beautiful you are courageous to even put this out there take your power back & look in the mirror & say im more than worthy & he will reap what he has sowed! Sending u hugs & love & a 🌹 today!

[aurora31 in reply to Gloria_carr]

Hey, Gloria. I don't know if you got my answer. Thank you.

[Gloria_carr in reply to aurora31]

No i didnt but ur welcome im here day or night

[aurora31 in reply to Gloria_carr]

Oh, I see. I answered you right away yesterday because your words just touched my heart. I don't know why it wasn't sent. You made me cry. I felt relief, somehow, it's the first time someone tells me "I know how it feels". I'm so sorry you had to suffer, you are so brave, so amazing to show compassion after all you went through. I was too scared to go to the police and I also thought everyone will say I was the one who invited him in so it's my fault. I hope you do know you are worthy, you are beautiful, I hope all the kindness you show comes right back to you. I feel no man will ever want me after all that happened two years ago, I stopped smiling to men or look them in the eyes. I avoid men all the time, I guess it's the trauma. Did you manage to trust men again, Gloria or feel safe again?He tortured me for two days, I remember everything as it happens one million times more in my mind. I send you love and hugs, Gloria 🤗!

[Gloria_carr in reply to aurora31]

My heart melted for u Aurora, u sound just like me thats how i felt , twice i knew in my heart i didnt ask for that or deserved to be treated that way i couldn't trust no man & still til this day its hard for me to look a man in the eyes you will get. Thru this , i couldn't get imitate in the dark with my husband he walked me thru it & reassured me that he was not. That man! That violated me

[aurora31 in reply to Gloria_carr]

My dear, dear Gloria, I wish I held your hand now. You make me feel I am not alone in my pain. I am happy you managed to get close to a man and let your husband reassure you he is not the monster who scarred you for life. I guess there are men out there who don't despise a woman or think a woman is dirty for being raped and tortured. Those men must be real men, those men really know how to love a woman with all her scars. Her beautiful scars! I wish you all the best, Gloria and I hope we keep in touch! I send you all my love 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹!

[Gloria_carr in reply to aurora31]

Blessing 💞💞 to u!

[Hidden]

God bless you, you’ve been through a lot. You showed real courage posting your story online though. That takes guts and a lot of strength.

[aurora31]

God bless you for showing you care! Your kind words made me feel better about myself. I think we, rape survivors,are in the dark side of trust, constantly running away from human touch. It took me two years to get rid of the shame I felt and speak up. Yeah, I guess I do show courage and strength, but behind it it's the terror that keeps me up all night or makes me stay inside my house because people just terrify me. I do fight all these feelings, but sometimes they get the best of me. Thank you for seeing the light that lies inside me... God bless you!

[Crackerjack4u]

I'm so sorry that you and Gloria too had to go through all that, and my heart breaks for you. In no way will any decent person judge or condemn you for what happened in your past, and that you had no control over. You invited him over for coffee, nothing else, you didn't ask to be raped or tortured. I'm sure trusting others will take some time for you to be able to do again, but you can do it. Have you received therapy for this traumatic experience, if not, that might be a good place to start.

Thankfully, not all men out there are like that monster, and there are plenty of decent, kind, caring, loving, and gentle men who would love to have a beautiful woman like yourself in their life.

All you can do now is try to take things slowly, day by day, and realize that you are special, you are worthy, you are beautiful, and you deserve nothing but happiness in your life. Please do NOT allow that monster to control and dictate your life, or your happiness in life for another day. Prayers that you are able to move forward, and have the kind of life that you truly deserve because you are so worth it. Hugs to you!!!

[aurora31]

Thank you so much for showing you care. It means the world to me and I really hope the kindness you gave to me comes right back to you! It was a time when I thought people who judged me were right, things have changed now and I can breathe easily knowing people like you do exist. People who are kind. Maybe, just maybe, even men. Though I find it difficut to believe, I know they do exist.

Loving, decent, caring men. Thank you for making me believe such men are out there. Maybe the world is not all chaos, maybe the world will be a place where I can feel safer one day. Thank you for saying he is a monster, he is indeed. Mean, cruel, sadistic. Monsters are among us, but they're not human. Thank you for not saying I should get used to it because "men have their needs and it's your fault for inviting him in !" I heard that before, I can still hear it in my mind when depression gets the best of me.

I don't know who you are, but your kindness warms my heart so much, I wish I hugged you. One day, maybe now, if you ever need support, just come and ask for it. I am here for you 24/7 and I would be so happy to warm up your heart if you ever need to! Thank you! 🤗