I've been fighting so hard for myself the last couple of years. I put myself through school, I worked my ass off to pass all my classes. I'm on my last step to get to the career I want and the career I have been pushing for for the last 2 years and now I've hit such a wall.
Honestly I haven't just hit the wall in my education but in my life. I'm crying more often, starting to have more panic attacks, and I just feel like I'm having a huge mental breakdown that isn't just lasting for a moment it's just continuous.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't want to be calling up some of my friends and saying the same thing over and over or even calling them just crying all the time like who wants to be around someone like that?
I just don't know what to do anymore. I was doing so good for those 2 years and now I feel like its all falling apart. Like i'm falling apart.
XOXO
Jay.
Written by
jayT67
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I just want to say how fucking proud I am to hear that you've passed all your classes that you pushed yourself through and how close you are to the career you wish for. I kind of understand your feeling of that mental breakdown you say is just being continuous and all I can really say is to remember how close you are to your goal and keep pushing yourself till you're there. I'm not sure how your depression and anxiety may be affecting you since it is different with everything but I know that this is just another wall you've run into and soon whether it be a day from now or a month from now, you will break down that wall.
I'm glad you reached out, check off the question "idk how to ask for help" You've just done that, and its a big step for most people; having the courage to share with so many people is amazing So is keeping up your grades for your future career! That's spectacular!!! :))))) I'm sure you will pass through this. You are saying its continuous, and that began at some point, and it will end at some point, too. There is always some loophole, or tiny mousehole to squeeze through. I can see that you're strong with all of those accomplishments under your belt, so kick depressions ass! I believe you can! Try not to let it control you. Something that always works for me is to just to take a deep breath and tell myself I don't need this in my life, and I won't let it affect me. Ik depression and anxiety is different for everyone, but we can bounce ideas off of eachother for a bit if you'd ever like to. feel free to message me anytime you'd like. You'll always have a friend in me!!
even if you could, you're a different person now than back then so it might not work the same. has anything happened recently that you had to rise from happen? maybe you could pull inspiration from that.
I've been thinking a lot about what could be the big trigger and I'm thinking its my bestfriend going to the Navy. He's been by my side for 9 years helping me through my problems and now that hes gone I've felt more alone. But I'm not too good on knowing anxious triggers...
I think you just need new friends/companions. It is really difficult to be alone and it isn't uncommon for people to feel at their worst when they are alone. I think it would be good for you to push past it, but if it does stem from your best friend leaving, it might be hard if you have issues weighing on your shoulders. Please be careful and stay safe, though. Do you have other people in your life that support you like your friend did?
honestly i feel like i do but i dont know how to talk to them. I've had people end friendships because of my bad moments. But i'm not sad they left it lead me to better people.
then find those new people, and don't be afraid be vulnerable in front of them early on. it will show their true colors most times. To find them, you just make small talk at your work place/school/grocery store/park, y'know?
I think the whole world is going through some kind of transformation at this time. 2020 has been so tough on so many people. It's hard for anyone to ask for help. Most people do not like to be thought of as a burden, so we feel ashamed to ask for help. No one likes to be put down or thought of as weak or mentally ill. So the paradox is, it actually takes some strength to ask for help. You have to be able to say to yourself-screw what others are going to think, I DON'T want to end up making a suicide attempt, I'm willing to at least try to see a therapist to see if I can get some relief. The sickest people out there are the ones in total denial that there is anything wrong with them and they run around saying how normal they are while they're screaming and yelling and putting down other people because they can't face it that their emotions are off the charts. You've made a great first step coming here and being honest. I hope you can try to find someone to talk to about what you're going through, some people are safer to talk to than others. Don't be ashamed if you think you need some therapy or some medication- that's why those practices were created!!!! Better to get some help than to be thinking about suicide.
Some of the most amazing people have anxiety. It sounds like you're doing quite a lot and that's fantastic but it's also very stressful and you need to be patient and kind to yourself. High achievers don't always realize how hard they push themselves and how hard can be on themselves. It's okay to feel sad or stressed, you're doing a lot. Validating yourself is so important. It's sometimes in trying to ignore our feelings and stresses that we bully ourselves without even knowing it. It sounds like you need some good old fashion self care. Self care can mean a lot of different things depending on the person, but it's really just taking the time to take care of you, to put a pause on anything stressful or difficult long enough to recuperate and recover. Even something as simple as writing down all the things that are bothering you and writing down all the things you are proud of and reflecting on all of your hard work can be soothing and recuperative. Self care is an effort to soothe yourself and give yourself the well-deserved space you need to drop all of your stresses and expectations of yourself for long enough to feel better. It can be so hard to stop when you have deadlines and you're used to putting the pedal to the floor all the time, but learning to stop and take time for yourself is a big part of long-term success in life. Even something as simple as turning off your phone and taking a bath, or putting on something comfortable, making yourself something good to eat, and watching your favorite movie can be helpful. Anything that feels like you're taking care of you. You're amazing and you deserve to let your mind and body rest regularly.
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So is keeping up your grades for your future career! That's spectacular!!! :))))) I'm sure you will pass through this. You are saying its continuous, and that began at some point, and it will end at some point, too. There is always some loophole, or tiny mousehole to squeeze through. I can see that you're strong with all of those accomplishments under your belt, so kick depressions ass! I believe you can! Try not to let it control you. Something that always works for me is to just to take a deep breath and tell myself I don't need this in my life, and I won't let it affect me. Ik depression and anxiety is different for everyone, but we can bounce ideas off of eachother for a bit if you'd ever like to. feel free to message me anytime you'd like. You'll always have a friend in me!! 
I'm done.
This is just my fault, right?
Trying hard but feeling empty
My latest post.
If it's not as I pictured it
