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I've been dealing with mental illness since I was about 16 years old. It's been 4 years and I still wake up wanting to not exist. Most days I don't even feel like a person. Some days are easier than most but some days are just really bad. Today I decided to look up painless ways to die and I'm really happy I came across this site. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in how I feel.

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  • I know exactly how you feel. Most of the time I feel like an alien, on the outside of humanity looking on but never actually being a part of it. Maybe I'm not as alone as I thought here

  • That's honestly how I feel all the time. I feel like I'm living life through the eyes of someone else. I don't even know what feeling like "me" would be like anymore

  • Unfortunately understood. I've lost all contact with the world and I can feel it constricting me. It's like I'm choking for air but my depression just causes me to lose myself

  • I never leave my apartment except when I go to work. I've isolated myself from everyone besides my best friend but she lives hours away from me. Sometimes I just never know what to do with myself. Sometimes I really feel like a wasted sorry excuse for a human

  • Deanaww, I am so sorry you are going through this. I had those sensations when I was 19 and clinically depressed. I am 60 now and depression comes and goes, but nothing like the first time. You sound pretty young. I'm sure you're on meds and seeing a therapist. You know the combination really can help. Please don't harm yourself. You can get better, it's true even if you don't feel like you can. Write back please. This is a great site, people really respond. I know the scary feelings well.

    LD

  • Deannaw, I am sincerely sorry for your struggles. But, know that you are special, unique, and important in this world. You are a gift from God and you have a special purpose. Please don't harm yourself! Instead, seek help from a therapist. I understand your draw to isolate yourself. I do that, too. But, I am in therapy and trying very hard to get better. I am glad you found this site, and I hope our encouraging words have helped. Sending you a big "cyber hug"!!!

  • I was in therapy when I was 18 but I couldn't afford it anymore. I'm hoping there's support groups where I live that I can go to

  • deannaw, i looked for the "quickest and most comfortable method" exactly in ur age, and now I am 53, still looking for methods...The good news however is this, that in between I did three degrees, married and raised a family, had a rough patch with wife, then realized it is my disease, not her fault. I continue with life, I don't know how much remains for me. One thing I am sure about is this that a few decades from now, u will be writing a similar note for someone. Mind u the disease will still be there, but u will be a survivor with better than average success in life! Good luck dear.

  • You are all the most comforting people I've ever had the chance to speak to and for that I'm so grateful. I know this is a battle and I know I'm strong enough for whatever comes my way. Thank you all for the kind things and I hope we all have the chance to continue to talk about this. Sometimes I feel so alone in the world and it's so nice to be able to talk about this all

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