- I'm currently doing a PhD where I've just entered my final year so I'm constantly under pressure and stressed out plus to make matters worse the place I work is full of nasty people so my working environment isn't great and I hate being there everyday.
- I'm very lonely as I only have my boyfriend in my life (I have family but I'm not close to) and all my friends have come and gone so I only have him to talk to. I've always struggled to keep close friends so I'm now at the point where I know someone isn't going to stick around so I don't feel the point of getting close to anyone (not as anyone tries to be anyway).
- I'm still at home with my parents while I study for my PhD as it's close to where I work but both are alcoholics and watching them kill themselves with their booze and other habits is hard to watch and always drags me down.
- I was diagnosed with IBS 3 years ago and that's massively changed my life making it hard for me to eat at social gatherings etc and to be a normal person as I've had to completely change my diet and I feel sick every single morning so it gets me down a lot.
So I guess due to all this building up over time I've become depressed. I never feel truly happy anymore...I don't really laugh and can't enjoy situations without faking it. I also struggle with motivation to do my work, which is horrible for me at the moment as I really need to be productive in my weekends for my PhD but I just can't physically do it...Also, at times I feel so down for no apparent reason and I just want to cry. The last two weeks I've been thinking about death a lot...not so much killing myself as I don't want to commit suicide but I've had thoughts of not caring about being killed (by a car for example) and recently I've been having a weird pain in my lower abdomen and part of me thinks 'Good let it be cancer so I can just go', which is awful as I don't want that to happen but I just can't stop thinking it.
I know it's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend as he gets frustrated with my unhappiness but I can't help it. I've pretty much lost my libido too but I've never really had much of one anyway (but I think that may be because I'm on the pill but I don't know...).
So, the point of this really is that I'm contemplating starting antidepressants but I'm too scared to. I have no idea what they're going to do my body and I'm worried they'll make me too groggy to do my work...I don't want to be on them as I feel like I'll look weak and part of me wants to fight it myself but it's getting to the point where it's too hard. One of the main reasons I'm thinking of going on them is to get motivation back to do my work as I can't keep promising myself I'll do some at the weekend and then feel too sad/drained to do it.
So my question to you is do you think antidepressants will help me at all or should I just try to fight it myself, even though I'm not being that successful at the moment? What happens to your body symptom-wise when you start antidepressants? Do you need time off work at adjust to them? When do you know you can come off them?
Thank you for listening
xx
Written by
Kweh123
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Hi no wonder you are so stressed with what you are going through, anyone would be. It is very easy for stress to turn into depression as well.
There is no way you are 'weak' if you are then we all are too and also the millions who suffer from a mental health condition. Sometimes life is too hard for us and we do what helps us at the time. Many turn to alcohol (like your parents) or drugs which in turn makes everything worse so ad's have got to be better than that.
Most people who take ad's only need them for a short time. You might need to try several different ones before you find one that suits you. They are not strong drugs in that sense but if they help then why not. You probably wouldn't need to take time off either.
However if you have deeper issues then counselling is the way to go. Meds can help you feel better about yourself and more able to tackle your problems. x
I'm hoping once my studies are over I can start to feel normal again as there'll be less for me to worry about!
Yeah that is true. I'm so glad that I haven't hit the bottle like my parents do and I just try to cope with my issues differently but sometimes I think it would be easier to be that way than stew about my issues and make myself mentally ill but I won't I've grown up trying to be different than them so I'll never hit the bottle.
That's good to know that antidepressants don't cause strong side effects. I was worried about taking them and making it obvious to people at work that something was wrong with me due to side effects.
I wish I could go to counselling but I really don't have the time Maybe when my PhD is over I can try to organise some...
The things you're trying to deal with really sound like a lot for just one person so give yourself a massive pat on the back just for getting through every bad day so far. You sound quite strong really.
I can offer personal sympathy on the PhD front and would like to ask if you're in any position to get help from your institution? I was partly lucky; there ought to be some support even if it's very little, it might be better than none. If you want to vent or chat about the PhD I would be glad to listen. If your workplace (I assume you mean where you're doing the PhD) is that bad - I hope you can take heart from reaching your final year, it'll be done soon.
The other things - can you get support for those? There are organisations for families of alcoholics, is there anything in your area? And the IBS - again I have so much sympathy, I've seen it in my friends and family and it can't be easy dealing with that alongside everything.
Anti-depressants - well, I'm not qualified to advise, but I do take an antidepressant at the moment. They do normally take a few weeks to kick in to affecting your mood and all have differing side effects (which might kick in sooner!) and of course they also vary person-to-person. For example, mine makes me drowsy which is great for helping me sleep but I can't take it too late in the day or I do find it hard to get up the next day. There's others which seem to often cause insomnia instead. I think they commonly might also dampen libido, but then depression can do that anyway. Overall I believe they helped me get through the worst and stop things getting too dreadful. If you can discuss with your doctor, just the act of discussing it might help, and then of course if you decide to go on one then your doctor should want to check on you often.
Do you ever get any time for yourself, maybe just to go for a walk (somewhere green?)
Oh - looking weak? No, it's just looking after yourself. It's medicine, nothing more, nothing less, maybe more mysterious than other medicines as the mind and mood are a bit less easy to examine than say a broken leg.
Thank you for your kind words. That means a lot to me.
The problem with my PhD is that I'm not doing it at my university as I'm based elsewhere where the samples I'm working on are stored. I rarely get to go to my university so I don't really have access to their facilities Oh yes, I am counting down the days until I can get out of there! I can't wait for this year to be over with and for me to get my life back! Thank you for the offer It's nice to find someone who has experienced how stressful a PhD can be!
I haven't seen any support groups regarding families with alcoholics in my area...Trouble is I've gotten to the point where I've accepted that they probably won't be alive in the next 10 years and they don't listen to me anything so nothing is going to change so it's best if I just try to ignore it..
The IBS is awful. Stress from one of my previous jobs caused it and probably the situation with my parents did too. I hate how it's changed my life so much that I have anxiety about going out and I can't be normal when going to social events. I was meant to go to my boyfriend's aunt's house to watch her shave her head for a cancer charity thing and my IBS kicked off and I couldn't go. It was so embarrassing and made me upset that I'll never be normal, which made me feel very depressed that day.
I'm glad that antidepressants have helped you with your depression Being drowsy sounds good as I sometimes struggle to sleep as my mind keeps racing so insomnia is something I would like to avoid! I'm still thinking whether I should go on them or not but it's probably because I've been feeling better today however I know that's not going to last! I probably just need to suck it up and go for it.
Unfortunately I don't live in the nicest of areas so going for a walk isn't really an option...but I've started knitting again in the evenings though so that's helping me relax a little bit I just wish I wasn't so lonely so I would be able to go out more to take my mind off things but it's just how things are at the moment. Hopefully things will get better soon...
The setup of your PhD sounds familiar... someone I know was doing a PhD at one of those places, rarely went to his university (which was very far away) and so those student support facilities weren't there for him. He quit his, not exactly because of that particular setup, but if he'd been elsewhere he might have been able to change things rather than quit. I can't say that was a great place either.
I wonder if there's still someone you could email at your uni? You never know. But you're on here now so at least you've got an outlet here!
I really feel for you with the IBS. But as stress kicks it off, it might ease when you're less stressed. I can't give you any medical opinion, but it has happened in my friends, there is hope.
Oh I definitely remember the days of "well I feel ok now so maybe I'm ok" - meant it took a while for me to seek help with what was clearly a longer-term problem! Do seek some sort of help, if you can. I'm really happy to read that you have such a lovely hobby that you can do! I'm sure someone will mention also exercise and meditation, there are so many things like workouts on youtube or meditation apps that mean you could get some benefit without going outside, but honestly knitting sounds really ideal so I hope you get some calm from that.
I think CJ1454 is totally right about the antidepressants potential to help you to feel like yourself, it's like depression steals you and these help get you back.
I know how you feel. I just wrapped up grad a school myself and have hit a rock bottom in my life. I think years of being overwhelmed have finally caught up to me. I tried to avoid them and work on myself but my cup overflowed and I reached the point where I needed help. I have tried antidepressants in the past and have never felt tired. If anything, it's the opposite. You start feeling like yourself again and your energy returns. I hate taking pills, it freaks me out but if I were you I may consider it. When I started getting those "death thoughts" myself, I knew it was time. My Doc prescribed Fluoxetine because she said it had an energizing effect and would even help take off a few pounds I put in from stress.
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling too I'm glad to that antidepressants have helped you and that that they gave you more energy. I desperately need some to get through my work! I'm not comfortable with the death thoughts either but I'm still too scared to be on them. I don't know if I'm worried if I'll be on them the rest of my life or not...That's a pretty scary thought.. xx
Most people are only on meds for a short time and never need them again. Very few suffering from depression and/or anxiety are on them for life. You would need to be very ill for that. They are not like the meds of old as the newer ones are much less addictive and less strong. It's up to you though. x
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