Cheating partner : My boyfriend of 1... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Cheating partner

hrand00
hrand00

My boyfriend of 12 years (then 11) cheated on me last year. We’re making it work, we have good days and we have bad days. It definitely doesn’t help my depression. I don’t trust him. I see the worst in every little thing, and he gets mad at me for not trusting him. I’m having a hard time moving past it, but I still love him and want to make it work. I think a big problem between us is he doesn’t understanding my depression. His answer is always, “go to the doc and change your meds”. I don’t know how to make him see what I go through, and how the answer isn’t as easy as changing medication.

6 Replies
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Hrand00

Looks like it’s one way work to resolve the issue ..

has he come forward to give you more assurance that he is now clean . He has broken the trust now it’s his duty to re establish it .

Also You need to evaluate more practically .. how is he working to make it happen . Because if he get the impression he can get away with cheating , he will be more prone to do it again .

He should be sorry and apologetic and work twice hard than you to make it happen .

As far depression is concerned, send him some article and cases to make him understand how difficult it is to deal with depression. Also send him article on how to help your closed one when he/she is under depression.

If he is concerned he will read and discuss with you .. if he say all this is rubbish .. you got your answer any which way .

Take a day by day .. it’s long solution ..

All the best .

Hidden
Hidden

Hello hrand00!

My experience and advice is very different! My husband and I went through this years ago and we were divorced for 4 years due to the cheating and then re-married. We’ve been together now 18 years since it all happened. I realized shortly after getting back together that if I was willing to take him back I HAD to trust him. No question about that in my mind. Taking him back and then making us all miserable with my lack of trust, just wasn’t any way to live. We would never be happy. I feel like working through my trust issues was MY problem and responsibility. He had his guilt over me and the kids to deal with. Once I decided to trust him again, everything changed for the better! I don’t hold his mistake over his head, ever...not even when we’re arguing about something, which doesn’t happen very often. I feel like he made a mistake, and God knows, I’ve made my share of them! He doesn’t hold any of my mistakes over my head either. I don’t think he should have to spend the rest of his life kissing your bum to make up for it and you shouldn’t expect it. You must trust and respect him to make it work. Start over on even ground. Let go of the pain, humiliation and fault-finding! Literally start over. If he should cheat again, then you have your answer. I hope it all works out for the two of you! 🙂🌷🙂

Rpan
Rpan
in reply to Hidden

What an inspiration

Trust is a tough thing. I went through this in my previous marriage. I can share my experience. First of all, he needs to know that the more he is trustworthy, the easier it will be for you to trust him. That is on him. Little white lies will erode the possibility of trust. On the flip side, you cannot control him enough to keep him from cheating on you again. You will drive yourself crazy. This is what I learned and it is based on my spiritual beliefs. You can substitute your own. I let go of being so vigilant watching his every move, trusting that God would show me if he was messing up. And guess what? I always found out. I did not have to go searching all the time. And the biggest lesson was this: it wasn't so much whether or not I trusted him. Because I knew there was a chance it would happen again. I needed to know I could trust myself to do what I needed to do to protect myself. I couldn't rely on him to protect me from those feelings of betrayal. If he is a cheater, and I choose to be with him, then I am choosing the possibility of that happening to me. If I cannot handle that, then I had to trust myself to stand up and do what I had to do.

I don't know if this helps at all. Your depression is understandable. But don't make his mistake define you or your relationship. If you do, it is so much harder to bounce back.

Sending a big hug.

Hidden
Hidden

Are you able to get any info on it or go to the internet so he can read about it & maybe try to understand! I give you a lot of credit for hanging in there with him...I don't think I could do that!!! Wishing you all the best!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX

Thanks for all the advice. It’s good to hear different perspectives. I need to let go or move on. I’m not ready to move on, so I better work on letting go and trusting again.

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