It’s been a minute since I’ve made a post on here but I just had an epiphany that I wanted to document and see if anyone has any advice on the matter.
I think I may have a bit of a shopping addiction. When I was in high school (I’m a 5th year undergrad college student) I was so good at saving money and since I didn’t have any bills I was able to save at least half of my paychecks from my after school job and to the point where I was able to afford to fly myself to Berlin to visit my exchange-student friend for two weeks starting on my 18th birthday. But since then, as I’ve had long and intense struggles with depression and anxiety (but mostly depression, {I’m a 5th year college student because my depression has caused me to transfer schools 3 times which has wrecked havoc on my educational progress since each college has drastically different class requirements}) have become a major theme in my life, I’ve noticed that my ability to control my finances has gotten really out of hand.
I don’t make much money to begin with, (because I make my own hours and therefore don’t work that often due to my depression and lack of motivation 🙃) so I try to make every dollar count and save up as much money as possible. I even decided not to take summer classes so I could pay off my maxed credit card (which I took from being completely debt free to completely in the hole within a matter of weeks due to my compulsive spending). I’ve just now realized that I feel like I have little control over my spending habits.
I don’t do huge $5,000 Gucci shopping sprees or anything (because I wouldn’t be able to get my hands on that kind of money if I tried), but I’ve noticed that any money that is in my bank account I struggle very hard to keep in savings or even leave in my checking account to boost my next paycheck. I just realized that I have a tendency to do lots of small shopping sprees almost every day, in which I’ll tell myself I’m going into X store to just buy this one thing, I’ll go into the store and get this euphoric rush of dopamine picking out and buying lots of little things I don’t need, but tell myself I can and will use, and then get up to the counter and get a big rush of anxiety when I realize that I’ve accidentally charged 10 times more money than I intended on spending, but I get too embarrassed to cancel the transaction and feel a need to buy all the things I’ve picked out. The things I buy make me so happy but as soon as I get in the car and sit with the fact that I spent so much money that I should have put in savings or put towards my credit card bill, I feel like a failure and a huge dumbass (sorry, are we allowed to lightly curse on here? Lol)
I had always chocked it up to being a stupid person with no impulse control and no money skills (which, I mean isn’t really wrong, especially when I’m on my ADD medicine or Wellbutrin since they can mimic the symptoms of full-on mania when the dosage gets too high), but I just now realized it could be a shopping addiction. My family was never poor to the point of not having our needs met, but most of my life we were financially insecure with my deadbeat dad losing jobs, my mom being a single mom, and then my mom and stepdad being in a perpetual loop of financial security and insecurity depending on what job my stepdad had at the time. Because of this, now that I have my own money and can get the things I want when I want them, shopping for myself feels like some kind of poetic justice or fulfilling wants that weren’t able to be filled as a child.
I’ve tried budgeting in lots of different ways, and trying to stop myself from having access to my own money, and even sometimes I’ll go to the mall just to tease myself by looking at things and not buying them, but it feels like an alcoholic buying a bottle of booze and trying not to drink it. And my urge to spend money and buy myself things pretty much on a daily basis always beats my long term financial goals. Oftentimes I don’t even allow myself to check my bank account because I’m so ashamed of how much money I’ve allowed myself to spend over the week, which means I’ve had quite a few angry calls from my parents warning me of the dangers of overdrawing, since they know firsthand how horrible it is to be perpetually in debt. I’ve decided that with this upcoming paycheck I’m going to put whatever spending money I’ll allow myself into cash and leave the money that needs to go towards my credit card bill in my checking account so I won’t be tempted to use that money and I’ll be able to see how much spending money I have left easily. But it’s like I can’t save money or pay off my debts if my life depended on it. And I don’t even have rent or insurance bills or anything to pay yet! This is not a good business model for future financial success!!!! Helppp!
Has anyone else had this problem? How did you break the cycle? How can I stop being such a stupid millennial who wants everything she wants RIGHT NOW!? How have you been able to differentiate between things that are necessary and will genuinely make your life better and what is just me trying to get a dopamine rush to my brain from picking things out and paying for them and taking them home and having a nice new thing that will probably just wind up on my floor at some point? I haven’t been very depressed lately but I have had ups and downs from medicine changes. Idk. Help me Suze Orman!!!!
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Annabanana0715
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Hi when I was a lot younger and at uni I spent too much money and ran up big bills on my 2 credit cards. It got so I was borrowing off one to pay the other. One day whilst in the bank a credit card got refused and in front of all the customers the cashier cut it in half. I was mortified at the time but it did teach me a valuable lesson.
I went home and cut up my other credit card and since that day I have never had or used one since. Despite being offered one countless times and friends being astonished I haven't got one I consistently refused. I know they are very handy especially for big items and for your credit history etc. but no way in a million years.
Cut up your cards and pay them off and resolve never to borrow money again. Many people can use them sensibly but others like you and me can't so they are a no go. x
Lol that does sound like a good idea. My parents didn’t let me get one forever because of this exact reason lol. I thought I could control myself but oooooohhhhh wellllll lol I did good for like 6 months at least! 😂
But don’t you have to have a credit score and a long credit history in order to rent an apartment or buy a car or anything like that? Also what do you do if your car breaks down or something? Lol destroying my credit card is tempting but I don’t wanna shoot myself in the foot for the future. I’m in America so idk if the rules are different (I assume you’re British from somewhere else since you said “uni”😂) but I don’t wanna shoot myself in the foot more than I already have lol.
Hypercat is right. Get rid of your credit cards. Just cut them up. In an urgent situation you can always use a check. Having a credit history is over hyped in my opinion. Also, you might try investing your money immediately. Some brokerage firms will open very small accounts.
I am in the UK yes. Over here you just have to have proof of always paying your rent on time and not a good credit history as far as I know.
I agree it is handy for something like your car breaking down but at the end of the day it is borrowing money you don't have. Isn't it better to open a savings accounts instead and build up some money in there so you don't have to borrow it with interest rates?
You could also have a debit card and an official loan at the bank. For example I am allowed to go several hundred pounds into the red which is great for emergencies. It's much cheaper doing it that way too. x
Yes you need a credit history in the USA if you plan on renting an apartment or get any kind of a loan. Your credit worthiness dictates to the lender your ability to pay them back. As long as you pay your bills you should be ok. If you can’t pay them you should call the lender and explain what is going on. They usually work with you. It’s when you don’t pay and don’t contact them that crap hits the fan.
If you're worried about your car breaking down, try joining AAA. I have been with them for years. They will tow your car ( within a certain distance) if you break down. Also, credit card companies have been known to prey on students and even senior citizens. When they prey on students , they probably figure that the parents can always pick up the tab. I would also look up the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau - they might even have a website or the office of your rep in congress can probably provide the number. Credit card defaults as well as defaults on other loans are some of the reasons the USA has so much debt. In my opinion, college students do not need credit cards. Stores always try to tempt people also by offering a "discount" if you buy something and sign up for one of their credit cards like Pennys or Sears. Not!!!!
I am not a doctor. Judging from what you posted it sounds like you might be bipolar. Have you brought this up with your doctor?
Sorry I'm just now reading all of these, I've considered this before because I definitely go through long periods of deep depression, but all the episodes of "mania" I've had can be blamed on the various stimulants I've been prescribed throughout the years. Right now I'm on medication to treat my ADD and depression (and the antidepressant I'm taking now, if I take a dose high enough to actually treat and get rid of my depression it makes me act completely manic and gives me terrible insomnia, but if it's any lower I have crushing depression that makes my life extremely and unnecessarily hard). But that's something I've been working on with my psychiatrist so HOPEFULLY if I actually am I'll get the proper treatment.
your statement: 'I get this euphoric rush of dopamine...that's your drug of choice. And yes...it absolutely is an addiction no different than drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex addiction, work addiction, even over exorcise. First thing to do is seek support group help. There are groups out there for those with this shopoholic addiction, cut up the credit cards, change the checking account to savings only...so you don't have easy access, and start paying rent or payments with a cashiers check you actually have to pay for in cash . All these things will slow your roll to having quick access to what cash you have. Start dealing with why your trying to fill that big needy hole in the middle of you with 'stuff'....it's a quick fix that goes almost as quickly as it came. And the debt, guilt , and shame just makes the empty bank account worse. Therapy with a good fit of a therapist who understands addiction would be extremely helpful to work out the issues as to what it is your trying to feed, as addiction feeds feelings, and these kinds of feelings are unresolved issues.
there are support groups online for shopping addiction....you may find them more helpful than talking to a regular doctor. A therapist who understands addiction may also be very helpful.
What you’re doing for which I’ll admit I struggle with is “medicating.” That is using shopping for items we don’t need to feel that “rush of satisfaction.”
How many times have we purchased something, brought it home (or had it delivered) and once its in our hands we’re bored with it? And then on to shopping for something else we don’t need?
The Shopping Addiction (as I call it), the medicating is “the thrill of the hunt” (finding that item we oh so want but don’t need).
For example, earlier this year I bought a new laptop (the latest and greatest). It was such a rush buying it online and obsessing when it will be delivered. Then I got it all set up and quickly grew bored of it. My previous laptop was fine enough, I didn’t need a new one. Thus, I “medicated.” And then the thrill wore off.
So what do we do to control this addiction? I wish there was an easy answer. For now what I do is if there’s something I want that I don’t need, I’ll talk to a close friend about it and tell them to talk me out of it. For example, I want a new car. I have the money in savings to buy one with cash. Yet my 2009 Corolla is just fine. So my hubby keeps telling me “you don’t need a new car.” I NEED to hear that over and over again... until the need for a new car wears off.
We live in a consumer society that wants us to buy buy buy. Well screw that, I’d rather live live live.
Thank you! It's good to know that I'm not alone. It's so difficult because sometimes there are things that I genuinely think will make my life a little better (like supplies for a hobby I like [especially since I've recently gotten very into makeup for everyday and as an art, which can quickly become a money black hole, and I do lots of various crafting projects], or buying a tshirt for a band that I love) but it's SO hard to tell the difference between things I'll actually enjoy and things that I'm just throwing money at for the sake of it. Maybe I'll start asking my best friend who likes buying similar things but is actually good at keeping money around lol.
I actually just went through this whole self learning with buying stuff and I'm a little older than you. You're buying things because of the feeling you get of having new stuff but also you're trying to fill an empty space. Something is missing in your life and you're using shoppiy as a way to try to fill in what isn't there. You have to stop and take a look around. It starts with saying, "I'm going to stop buying random things I REALLY don't need." I know I didn't need any of the stuff I bought and I eventually started returning things. The hardest part is returning stuff, but it helps you realize you didn't really need it. You feel better, and you realize that you don't need that to feel good. You need a hobby. I read a lot but I also do art which helps because I can work on it whenever I need to. Sometimes that's what you need is something to fill in the space. Taking a walk everyday, going somewhere and taking pictures, yes even with your phone, going to the gym, going on a bike ride, hiding in the corner of a coffee shop and people watching, volunteering at an animal shelter. These are just a few ideas. If you can change the way you think it helps, immensely. Try this app - Wysa
The funny thing is that I actually am into quite a few hobbies (doing my makeup as an art form being one, but also cross stitching, making bracelets, and even listening to audiobooks or podcasts, and recently cooking healthy meals), but I also tend to accidentally pour too much money into those things (makeup ESPECIALLY since there are so many nice products that I actually use but don't really NEED, and the same with cooking since I'll go into the grocery store wanting to buy 2 things and walking out with $50 worth of food, which is especially frustrating and ridiculous since I live with my parents and can get free groceries lol). But that is still good advice! Maybe if I start feeling the need to shop for something I'll instead use that focused energy on forming ideas for new projects or makeup looks (with things that I already have lol).
I like what hyper cat had to say. Credit cards are one of the worst inventions , and economists will say they were actually made for rich people to use as a convenience. If you pay your bills on time that is what is important not to ring up debt. If in the USA- there might be some social service agencies that can help you get some advice. You should give yourself credit ( pardon the expression)! for seeking help at such a young age.
You know gogogirl, that's the truth. I remember my parents always paying for things in cash or you just didn't buy it. Then came the day they wanted to buy a house. They needed a credit history, my mom said we paid for everything in cash. (as proud as could be) That wasn't good enough, from there my parents fell into the credit card trap. Although she paid it every month, so was still conservative.
My daughter on the other hand, has more Yankee Candles than she knows what to do with HSN and QVC know her well.
Thanks for sharing that bit of info. Make it a good day xx
You're right- it is a trap. I think that just proving that one pays bills on time is more than enough! Actually people's credit scores go down when they are no longer paying on a loan - isn't that pathetic? It's like punishing people for doing the right thing. My late parents did the cash thing also. No such thing as credit cards way back when!
Lol oh my god I've banned myself from Yankee Candle because I love candles so much but their candles especially are SO expensive!! There is literally no reason why I would ever need a candle except for making my room more aesthetically pleasing so I've limited myself to only buying unscented ones lol they're so fun to buy though!
Great- that 's a first step- give yourself a cheer for that. The US economy is a consumer one- you are wise and have targeted that- I hope that people in your family and even possibly your college can get you help as well.
It may take a generation- but wouldn't it be great to reverse this trend of credit cards? I even heard of a trend where these companies were targeting intellectually impaired folks so they could take advantage of them!!!!
Yeppppp. Ugh gotta love our state of immoral and unchecked capitalism! As much as I'd love to "not be a part of the system", unless you're going to go live alone on a deserted island the rest of your life you have to play by society's rules. Now if I can just find a way to play by the rules and not ruin my own financial life in the process... Hmmmm..... LOL probably not gonna happen since I'm already in the process of taking out student loans just so I can get a decent job in order to be able to pay off said loans *wahhh wahhhhhh*.
I hear what you are saying about that reality- but "society" at least the commercial version tells us we need more of this or that. Many people are actually downsizing. For instance there is a tiny house movement now ( especially in Vermont) , as well as movements not supporting big box stores especially. The old capitalism no longer benefits many in society. I have seen presentations on C Span by Dr. Richard Wolff economist and professor emeritis. Look him- he talks a lot about the capitalism and coops also.
Oh my gosh yesss I agree. This generation seems much less enthralled with the materialistic ideals of the “American dream” of generations past, so maybe we’ll see a shift back towards nature and being less wasteful like we saw in the 60’s. Or maybe it’ll just get worse lol with this political climate, who knows?! I like how this turned into a discussion of economics! 😂
Also I sound dumb but are you from Vermont? I’m stuck down here in Georgia so I have a really romanticized vision of what the New England area is like haha especially Vermont since that’s home to Bernie Sanders and maple syrup! 😂
Actually, many people in the sixties rebelled from the "American dream." There were civil rights movements, anti war and capitalism, green environmental movements from which the clean air water and of course the EPA was formed. You sound like a real conscientious person!
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HSN and QVC know her well. 
There’s a little light shining through
Anxiety spending money? 
Do we sabotage our own positivity due to our negativity?
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Addiction
