I try hard. I work hard. Ive been exhausted and in pain and I am tired of my problems... I like solving problems but I’m having quite a time so I need to forget them for a while... I try to distract myself from them... it’s not working. So yesterday I craved alcohol badly for the first time since I quit Oct 2 and now today I’m in the same position. I’m on new meds and I’ve gained a lot of weight. It’s making me feel so bad I think I’ll never loose it I can’t seem to stop spending money but I’m getting better... I just feel like a failure today. Everything just seems so big right now like I’m extra sensitive to everything especially in regard to the things that I’m trying for but not seeming to make progress in. I see my kids and I’m glad they are pretty carefree ... I need some of that... maybe I’ll try to see things through their eyes. Beautiful eyes. I feel worthless today. I feel like there’s something very wrong with me; I’ve pretty much always felt this way with small stretches of not and I don’t know how that was but I pray for it now. I’m tired of living this way. I’m done. Things could be way worse I know. I have all these other little worries that I won’t recall a year from now But I feel what I feel. Thanks for listening. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I am sick of my problems I’m just done - Anxiety and Depre...
I am sick of my problems I’m just done
Hi beautiful! Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. I hope it helped some to write it down. I'm sorry you feel bad and I am hoping that tomorrow will be better. I like how you have positives mixed in (" maybe I'll try...", etc.). After all, trying is what it's all about!
Thanks beautiful
I’m prayed but I don’t even believe He will help me and that disgusts me as I have always been very spiritual I just don’t feel a good connection with Him now
Keep talking to Him, He never leaves us we leave Him. He is there and He has never left your side. He is just waiting on you. 💕
Thanks ❤️
Your kids are pretty carefree, you say. You have clearly brought them up well, not all parents are able to do that, you have fulfilled the most important role in your life.You have small worries that you won't remember a year from now, bring forward that date by twelve months, they were either unimportant or easily within your capability.
You are clearly a very competent person, write down your worries in order of importance and tick them off as you deal with them.
Unless you're an alcoholic what's wrong with a drink (or two) now and then? I think you underestimate yourself and have what it takes to change the aspects of your life that you dislike. Successfully. Like many you have a low threshold for anxiety, nobody can expect to be perfect, but you know from experience that you will still solve your problems, you are qualified for that.
Jeff you know what you are right! I’m qualified to solve my problems as usual and you know I can allow myself to feel good about my kids being happy 😃
I like a whisky dram and a bottle of beer a couple of times a week and still the Doctors are not that happy at my little habit, I do not smoke so I suppose every one should have a little habit they enjoy as long as it is doing no harm to me in general or those around me. At this time of the year Malt Whiskey is really cheep and what with the Black Friday it is the perfect time to get my twelve months supply.
Starrlight is your Doctor treating you for your Mental Health issues, I know in my case with all that is going on in the world it is really affecting my mood and future expectations ?. I was getting a checkup last week and we were talking about Covid and many people are really feeling frightened, even though we live in quite an isolated area. People worry when they are approached with something they do not understand.
BOB
I do not really trust myself with alcohol. It gets out of hand. I need to stay away from it. It is looking pretty good right now. I’m so thirsty 😆 there’s always water
There is nothing wrong drinking as long as you can control it. I have two nights a week where I have a Strong Beer and a Scottish Malt Whiskey about a double, sometimes triple measure, I never really go over my set limits. To do that means you could be put to risk. To stop the urge I normally have a can of Ginger Ale, no alcohol the taste takes away the craving. Is anyone treating your mental health concerns. Your Doctor may be able to provide a treatment pathway. Also if you are frightened regards drink He should be able to introduce you to an Alcoholics Group to gain some support and in turn help you to move on. Why do you Drink ? to know the reason will help you move on
BOB
Well I’ve decided not to drink anymore. It’s just not for me. I used to have wine mostly but I got caught up in it and I’d drink too much no matter how I tried to limit.
Good Luck with that Starlight. Personally as we get older we need diversions and hobbies to keep ourselves busy
Keep a Hold
BOB
Hi Starrlight, hang tough girl.
I posted a nature pick for you. Your paintings inspire me, hope you find a moments peace and calm in the image I captured.
Thinking of you. 🌺💜
Starrlight, sometimes that is all I can do but listen. Know that behind that is a lot of caring 
xx
Thank you my friend ((((((((((hug))))))))))) 😊
Dear Starr,
Here is a trustworthy promise for you:
"For I well know the thoughts that I am thinking toward you,’ declares
Jehovah, ‘thoughts of peace, and not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope. And you will call me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."
(Jeremiah 21:11,12)
Yes, our Creator reveals His personal Name to you...He knows your name.
He knows every hair on your pretty head... He knows all our weaknesses.
We actually need to know Him. Just as you know your friends...
Just as you bare your soul to inquire of those you trust. You can inquire
of the One who'll always give you loving direction & guidance.
Think deeply about that promise. 📖
Love that. Thank you for sharing
Well, your name says a lot. Love cast out fear and never fails.
(((((((((((Newbie)))))))))))
Starr,I'm actually an oldie.😜 Remember, i have kids who are 'old'.
Enjoy your youth, your children, pets, friends & many talents.
In summary, you are truly RICH... Give thanks, sweetie !
😍 🐕🦺🌠🌟⭐💇♀️💝🎁
I’m reading your words and listening closely. I’m here for anything you want to say or scream
I hope you feel better soon! You’re not a failure, remind yourself you’re doing the best you can. I would look up some positive affirmations / sayings online and write them on a note card and stick it somewhere where you will see it and be reminded.
I hope venting to us could help a bit 💗
You’re gonna be okay x
Your words mean a lot to me You are amazing... glad you are you
I’m so glad they mean a lot to you starrlight! You are amazing 🌟
✨
Hi Starr,Been thinking about you all day and tonight as well. You know I'm always here, ready to listen. And, you know I will usually write back with my long, probably boring reply.
So...I think you're very angry. I have no particular reason for think this but your post made me feel that you're really angry...really fed up with many things...disappointed that you only have those few precious moments when you're feeling good about yourself and your life.
You said you feel like a failure...worthless...that something's wrong with you. Feeling that way makes everything look dismal. You mentioned that you're on new meds...maybe they'll help...and of course you'll lose any weight you may have gained. Don't worry about weight gain. You, my dear friend, are a skinny soul with very few adipose tissue cells...you know, those fat cells ...so any weight gain will be temporary. I only think I'm worth anything when I'm real thin. It means I have lots of self-discipline. No ice-cream for me, I shout at the mirror. No carbs for me!!! Remember!!!! You have thousands of FAT cells. But I keep on fighting...slip many times...refuse to knock myself on the head with a huge hammer!!!
When you're not as thin as you'd like, I think it's sort of a dress rehearsal for oh so, so, so many things that happen to your body as you age.
Do you know exactly what you mean when you think you're a failure??? It's not possible to fail when/if you're trying and determined!!!
Look at your painting. Sad lady of the low lands. I see people throughout the face...a very sad, frightened little girl, a man who dresses like a prince...or some man in uniform...but he's looking down his nose at the woman's face, above it all...I see a beautiful angel with wings...a kind, protective angel...I see an animal, a cat right underneath the angel...there's a frightened person under the face's nose...but I also see a woman who has a self-assured smile...a smile that show wisdom. I could go on but I hear you shouting, "Okay, Soph!!! ENOUGH!!!"
Starrlight, you're going to be full of emotions that fuel your creativity...happy, self- confident emotions, sadness with fear, DETERMINATION, disappointment, hope, thrilling feelings that make you kick off your shoes and turn the music up high as you dance and dance and dance!!!
You're going to feel the range of emotions that only highly sensitive, very creative humans experience. Sometimes you'll hear birds singing their love songs, and sometimes you'll hear howling...but listen to your inner-soul and you'll hear gentle, beautiful music telling you all is well.
You have so many friends here...I'm one of them...I'm a fan too!!!! Feel the caring...feel the love.
Sophieeeeeee! You are amazing my dear friend!!! Truly. I love the way your mind works, Sophie. I think you must be very intuitive and intelligent with such a kind giving soul. Love ya ❤️
We are here for you. Keep working hard. The negatives try to weigh our hearts, souls, and minds. Hold on to the little moments in your heart and mind. Sorry, you not feeling well. Keeping you in my heart and prayers that positives surround you. Can you do zoom meetings with family? Sometimes talking with someone during those moments helps me. We are here keep strong.
I’ll keep working hard. Thank you so much for keeping me in prayer.
Hi Starlight, I haven't been on here for a little while, but I'm back. You are a beautiful person and you've always been so nice to me. Don't give up hope. As Gloria Estefan would say, there's always tomorrow. Maybe look up that song on YouTube, it might comfort you in some way!!! These are very hard times we are all living in right now, but I believe 2021 will be a much better year. I don't have children, but I can put myself in your shoes, it must be hard sometimes to try not to snap or be mean when you have to constantly have them around because of the schools shutting down and all this rather weird virtual learning. A computer still does not replace being in a classroom if you ask me. I happen to be a 50 year old woman, I'm more old school I guess, I'm not crazy about some of the technology, sometimes I think it's become too much technology. And I don't do Facebook at all anymore, it's like, if you're really my friend, send me a text or give me a call!!! That's just how I am. I really hope you feel better soon.❤️
Missed you! I don’t do Facebook anymore but I am on Instagram . I think my kids are learning better online because there isn’t a class full of distractions and they are honors with both all As and Bs but it is annoying that one of my son’s computer isn’t working and I had to call and email a bunch of people to try and find the tech guys and still so far nothing back from them. Makes me anxious. Enough of that- How are you doing? What did you do on your break from here?
Oh, thanks for asking. I really had a nice Thanksgiving. I've been staying with my so called ex boyfriend at his place. We really are living more like roommates than a couple, we're not having sex and we sleep in separate places, but he's been really sweet to me and we get along well most of the time. He understands me better than anyone. His family has been nice to me too. Living at my parents house, there was so much tension. My dad and I do not get along well. So we need a break from each other.My legal address at this point IS my parents house though so I'm planning on going back to it after New Years, unless my dad just wants to totally kick me out. It's a weird situation. My mom wants me there but my dad doesn't. I really think he's the one with the problem and not me.
Well I pray that whatever happens will be what is best for you. Good to ‘read’ you my friend. That’s nice that your ex really gets you! I bet he still loves you how would I know but just get that feeling.
He does and I still have feelings for him, but it's just not going to work. I'm not trying to sound like a gold digger girl, but he has trouble holding down jobs and he's not a good provider. And he's 11 years older than me and he's letting himself go where I mean, I'm not attracted to him like I used to be. I still consider him a good friend though. He's really been there for me.
hi Starlight,Im curious about yourdrawing /painting----it seems like a face ,but the actual person im focused on is what you said,you gave up on your problem ---can you share it------Actually did you know Van Gough was plagued by his Mental health,High Anxiety and bipolar too.........so we are not to give up but spill the beans ,if you can,2heads are better than one ......love your creactivity!!
Sorry can I share what? Ha I’m confused. Oh my problem? Ha I have no idea now. I’m okay now. Thanks for being here with me. I love Van Gough and I ordered Van Gough Starry Night Christmas cards this year,... so excited about them. How are you doing Goldieoldie?
Quite well,you can tell me surely was that ment to be face in your painting?you seem to shy away from directness,its not a problem ,but it could be if your not -direct,😇🥰
Hmmm yes it’s meant to be a face. My problem is even the very littlest things are getting to me. I am who I am. I’m just so sensitive right now. I need a break
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