Learning how to live again

[Missnoname]

So, after sleeping almost 36 hours straight, I got on this forum ready to post about how aggravated I am, how worthless I feel...how finished I am with living this way (or, essentially, not living). But I waited, took a bath, spent some time trying to separate my feelings from my logical mind. No problems are ever effectively solved with emotions. What I've realized is that this has been a downward spiral for years. Yes, I've seen doctors, therapists, been medicated...and while I've had small windows of remission, my symptoms return worse than before...every time. What I realized this morning is that I've always had an all or nothing attitude about my illness and iv been inconsistent in dealing with it. Because when my mind is healthy enough to want to fight, I fight too hard, expect too much, too fast, and become too exhausted to continue.

So I've decided that I need to really learn some mindfulness techniques, maintain a loving attitude toward myself and make the changes I can, no matter how small. It's easy to feel like you have no control over this disease, but it's not true. I may not be able to just jump on a treadmill for 2 hours like I could five years ago...sometimes I don't feel like I have enough energy to check the mail. But I can just as easily lay in a hammock in the sun as I can lay in bed in my messy room all day. I can drink a glass of water instead of a can of soda. Because the little things WILL make a difference, and there is life to live between well and unwell. It's not all or nothing.

If you have any books, podcasts, etc, to suggest, i would be appeciative

[Hidden]

Hi Missnoname!

I’m so happy for you! Those few and far between “clarifying moments” in life rank right up there with the “little things.” It’s a process that I repeat over and over again and it still hasn’t lost its luster! The recovery process is essential no matter how many times we repeat it and being appreciative of the little things brings a wealth of joy and contentment. I’m so happy for your breakthrough!! Wishing you the best! ❤️🌞❤️

[Missnoname in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the kind words!

[CTLibraryGirl]

Hi,

I just joined this forum. I agree with what you said. The small choices we make affect our health. I too am interested on reading, hearing more about Depression & Anxiety. Any books, podcasts, movies folks can suggest?

[GodspropLizzy in reply to CTLibraryGirl]

Hallo CTLibraryGirl,

I was once an avid reader too but don't really read now as much as i used to. But, in 2006- this revolutionary book I found was by Dr Paul Meier, Todd Clements, Jean Luc Betrand and was titled Blue Genes: Breaking free from the chemical imbalances that affect your moods, your mind, your life and your loved ones. I loved it!

If you're interested in it, I hope you'll like it

[CTLibraryGirl in reply to GodspropLizzy]

Thank you, I plan on looking for this book!

[GodspropLizzy in reply to CTLibraryGirl]

Wonderful!! Jane Austen would be glad! Sorry, I worship her.

This talk about magnesium, is it like folic acid?

[Missnoname in reply to GodspropLizzy]

I researched it and it plays a part in quite a few metabolic functions. I've been taking it daily as well as vit D ( I have a deficiency), tumeric and a b vitamin supplement and I definitely can tell the difference. I have more energy, a better general sense of well being, and my ankles aren't swelling by the end of my shifts lik they have been recently. I've also been drinking only water and black coffee and making sure I get some exercise everyday.

[GodspropLizzy in reply to Missnoname]

Really, Wow, I should get it at the chemist! But this Vitamin B and Vitamin D- my shrink has been trying to get me to take DS-24, this multivitamin supplement for my body. You've just sold me!

i think i understand the link between mind and body much better- you've helped me connect the dots. (And I'm usually more slow, sadly)

[Southpark in reply to Missnoname]

Yes. The vitamins really help. I’m on supplements that have helped my sleep too. So much of what you said makes total sense. Magnesium is really important as well as the others you are taking. Thanks for sharing these things.

[Missnoname in reply to Southpark]

I'm still supplementing and it's made a big difference as well as dietary changes. I don't take any meds now and I'm much more even keeled, sleeping well and NORMALLY and have energy throughout the day. I'm pretty sure the effexor I was on was the culprit to me sleeping 14 hrs a day and still being tired. I've also lost 25 lbs!

[hypercat54]

Hi well done for realising this and making the small changes. I have had depression all my life and know I will never be rid of it, but I make enough small changes to end up with a big enough change to have a reasonably good life and to feel ok about myself.

It's not an either/or situation is it. x

[Missnoname in reply to hypercat54]

This is what I was hoping for. This morning I just wanted to go back to sleep (really... after 36 hrs)..but I got in the bath instead, and it motivated me enough to leave the house and go to the park. From a practical standpoint, I feel like I learned some really bad habits over the past 5 years, so I need to learn some better ones..and that takes time and repetition. I'm trying to make it more of a process and less of a fight, if you know what I mean.

[ReardenSt33l]

This is such a great post. Thank you for sharing your experiences and I hope to be in your shoes soon

[Missnoname in reply to ReardenSt33l]

Hey, thanks! I took a look at some of your posts...I'm interested in the magnesium thing. I have a bottle in my cabinet but couldn't remember why lol

[ReardenSt33l in reply to Missnoname]

I’ve found magnesium to calm me down a bit. (It could just be a placebo effect - but either way I’m not complaining lol)

I want to check in on you in a few days to see how your new mindset is helping you

[Missnoname in reply to ReardenSt33l]

I took some magnesium and vit D just in case lol

[ReardenSt33l in reply to Missnoname]

That’s great I hope magnesium works for you. Be careful not to take too much - it can cause diarrhea if you take too much. The daily recommended amount is about 400mg

[deborah27]

Superb piece, uplifting and full of hope. Keep it going, it is inspirational.

[jackiesj]

Vitman d gel cap only works for me along with vit d.family has a genetic disorder i found too late.My mender bender(OCD sorta) can hit which if i have the physical i can clean so good.If not i put a dresser drawer nex to my pillow and clean it. all this is a wear down process of myself.Do you understand that term?Very nice to meet you.Have you ever felt so aware that you are over aware?.....You tube is my friend for snow storms warm firescenes or the 10 ten of my state....what ever it takes to get to sleep and feel better safely.