So, after sleeping almost 36 hours straight, I got on this forum ready to post about how aggravated I am, how worthless I feel...how finished I am with living this way (or, essentially, not living). But I waited, took a bath, spent some time trying to separate my feelings from my logical mind. No problems are ever effectively solved with emotions. What I've realized is that this has been a downward spiral for years. Yes, I've seen doctors, therapists, been medicated...and while I've had small windows of remission, my symptoms return worse than before...every time. What I realized this morning is that I've always had an all or nothing attitude about my illness and iv been inconsistent in dealing with it. Because when my mind is healthy enough to want to fight, I fight too hard, expect too much, too fast, and become too exhausted to continue.
So I've decided that I need to really learn some mindfulness techniques, maintain a loving attitude toward myself and make the changes I can, no matter how small. It's easy to feel like you have no control over this disease, but it's not true. I may not be able to just jump on a treadmill for 2 hours like I could five years ago...sometimes I don't feel like I have enough energy to check the mail. But I can just as easily lay in a hammock in the sun as I can lay in bed in my messy room all day. I can drink a glass of water instead of a can of soda. Because the little things WILL make a difference, and there is life to live between well and unwell. It's not all or nothing.
If you have any books, podcasts, etc, to suggest, i would be appeciative