After the truth I'm back to reality again

[vanessi]

I thought after I knew more things about my breakup I was feel peace. Well I did for a couple of hours but then I came back to my reality.

I got so nervous when I saw him through Skype, like the first time but kind of different due the situation. I'm in a hole because again everything come back to my head, the moments and the thoughts. I looked at him with the same love but I felt I am not important for him anymore,he was very distant and not interested in me a lot. I can't do anything because sometimes people don't love with the same intensity.

I only pray God I can smile again, I can feel peace in my soul. My life is a constant routine and a circle that doesn't end. I know I have said this a lot of times but I feel everyday I'm losing this fight. I would love to be someone else or disappear.

I try to be ok but my feelings are stronger than my good sense. I feel I'm not good enough for anything and for anyone, not even to get a better job.

Anyway, I'm having so much anxiety right now and it's hard to control it, i wish all this were a nightmare. Tomorrow is gonna be tough.

Before I go I would like to ask if you thing is normal or weird I'm having kind of cramps in my hands and arms when I'm sleeping, I always wake up about 6 am feeling so much pain and takes me like 1 or 2 hours to sleep again.

I think my body is changing, the headaches, cramps, period, illnesses, sickness in the mornings. I hope my eating disorder doesn't come back again.

Thanks for reading, I have nobody to talk to about this.

[Stilltrying_]

Bless you; you are still going through this bad break up (: I have read your other post and to be honest if he is going to get jealous from looking at a photo of you and your best friend, and not trust you, then he is not the guy for you and this behaviour would only get worse if you got back together again.

So you have skyped and it isn't the same as before. That is the sad reality. He has changed and moved on and you are still wondering if you can rekindle it, but really being completely honest with you, it is already gone. You say he is distant.

From my own experience as on older lady and I'm sure many others could vouch for the same, it very rarely works when people try and go back again to a relationship that has split up. The same problems keep rearing their ugly heads and usually whatever was the problem the first time gets worse the second time. There are rare occasions when people can get back together after splitting up and for it to work but these are the minority, and it sounds like you guys are not one of those couples.

I know it is hard to hear and hard to do, but you need to think of this relationship as over and just get used to that. From everything you say he isn't interested any more. It doesn't matter the reasons. Personally I think he could have just made up that reason about the photograph to ease his own guilt and put the blame on you (men often do this in my own experience).

So move on girl. Yes, its the only choice and the only solution. Lose yourself in your job and try and sleep as much as you can. When you are good and ready and over this guy you will in the end find a better match for yourself and in the meantime you will have matured and found ways to live independently of a guy.

Take great care,

Gemmalouise XXXX

[vanessi in reply to Stilltrying_]

Yes I guess he moved on, I don't know if it only was an excuse to dump me but the truth is for me it is very hard. We had a great connection and I do still believe he is the love of my life, I feel a part of me died since he is gone.

He is not very jealous , maybe he was a scared of commitment or realised he never loved me. Only God and he knows.

I can't help it, I can't stop crying and missing him, I don't care if he does the opposite and is enjoying his life, I can't do it because I have love for him. I think we all feel very different talking about relationships.

Thank you for sharing your point of view

[Stilltrying_ in reply to vanessi]

That's fine, I understand. You are like me; one of those people who need time to experience all of their feelings. I had breakups and a year or sometimes two years afterwards I was thinking of them and told that I should have moved on after a few weeks; but we all have our own way of processing things and this is yours. I hope it is helping writing about it; you sound like a lovely girl. XXX

[vanessi in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you. Well sometimes it helps me to write about it because I have no one to talk to. Still feel bad today, actually worse. I remember everything I lived with my ex and now I have nothing. As soon as I woke up realise my life is a mess

[Dubba61]

I so know what your going through and getting over your ex takes a different length of time for everyone. It's like grieving. My husband left me after almost 20 years and i would meet up with him because i thought it would help to get closure. It never did. He would be Cold and uncaring. Eventually, after about 2 years, I realised that the Man i,d loved no longer existed. That he had changed, so much. And that helped. Where i had felt constantly​ unwell with ache's and pains, Colds and lack of good sleep, i began to feel better. Pills for Anxiety helped for a time and life moved on. i moved away and met someone new. All in all that breakup took me around 4 years to recover from and that was more than 25 years ago. It's just a very distant memory now and one day it will be for you. Take one day at a time.when you can, do some new things. Things will improve. My good thoughts are with you.

[vanessi in reply to Dubba61]

Thank you. I still believe he is the love of my life. I know deep inside he is the same man I fell in love, even though right now he has changed and he seems he doesn't love me anymore but I can't change my feelings and he has destroyed me completely but still hope one day I can be happy with him. Or at least will be a dream

[gogogirl in reply to vanessi]

You are very brave to come through with this. Your honesty not only about him but yourself, I will bet will help to move you forward. I hope you will also address your health concerns with your family and your physician. I even read recently that depression and anxiety can take their tolls on the body as well. I hope you stay in touch as you connect the dots in your life.

[vanessi in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you but I'm terrible today. I only see black, I don't want this life anymore

[Hidden]

My heart breaks for you! Time to move on even if it's hard. I know the feeling and it will take time. You are a beautiful women and in time this too shall pass.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. I hope one day can smile again and wake up from this nightmare

[gogogirl]

I think you will smile- and yes you DO deserve to have a nice life.

[vanessi in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you

[Dubba61]

Vanessa your such a pretty and caring young girl. I would think any young man would be pleased to be with you. These feelings will pass. Till then. Please take care of yourself.

[vanessi in reply to Dubba61]

But I don't want other men, I want my love, the only man that has made me feel complete, alive, my best friend, the man I gave my life and my soul, all the good I had. I never felt I could be myself with anyone, he is the only man I love how my heart can't stop loving him, I can't

[AMIGOMAN in reply to vanessi]

Hiya xx

Been reading your posts.

I think you are such a good sweet girl.

You've just been un-lucky,

That's all.

I really hope you get back to being strong minded and positive again.

Time will heal.

Try to keep your mind busy with positive stuff.

I really hope you find lasting peace and get over anything that is negetive.

Best wishes from me xx

Feel free to shout me at anytime ..... 🌹

[Hidden]

Even just getting it off your mind by talking it out on here helps.

[Broken327]

sounds pretty normal to me. I'm going through the same thing. Om hoping to get out of depression soon, i hope you do too.