Idk if this is anxiety or ptsd or me just being messed up...

[Siara_14]

Ever since I was raped people expect me to just be the same girl I was before it happened. Tbh the assault wasn’t the worst part. It’s what happened after. Thy got me pregnant and 7 weeks later I had a miscarriage which I didn’t go to the hospital for because I didn’t want anyone knowing I was raped especially my dad. But that’s not entirely what this is about. It’s about my mind. Two things I need help with. The first one is am I too messed up mentally to be in a relationship again? I talk to guys but only keep ones around that I’m interested in. Little things they do make me panic or make me upset and or not saying the right thing or talking to me enough makes me really question them and then I’m stone cold to them. Then they tell me I have issues and idk... it makes me feel bad about myself. Little things they do trigger me. I feel like I’m not really there mentally like idk how to explain it. They also call me crazy in a bad way. Maybe I am. But after what happened relationships just really give me anxiety and I don’t think I am mentally stable to date again. The last one is am I bipolar? If not now I will be because the lady who gave birth to me is. I get angry and irritated pretty easily which scares me. I remember how my mom treated me and other people and I think what if I’m turning into her anger? She also has many personality disorders but bipolar is still one of the many and I notice my anger is not far off of her anger. I will scream and yell and cuss and punch the wall and hit sometimes and ugh idk what to do.

[Rick1on1]

Hi,

You are the survivor of a terrible ordeal. You are not over it and for that reason agree wholeheartedly that you should not be dating. You are causing more harm to yourself when putting your emotional state out there to be ridiculed.

Bipolar has a genetic component but does not mean that you will definitely suffer from it. It can be avoided if you make the right choices now.

There are a lot of tips that we can give you in the forum. The first is too remember that there is always hope.

If you would like to take this conversation to the message side and discuss things in more detail - please do so.

Take care and good luck!

[Susan512]

I'm so sorry for what you been through and going through I have Anxiety and Depressed at times, please get help I committed my self in the hospital twice this year one week apart 5 days at a time and went to programs that the hospital recommended​ to me I'm off prescription drugs and taking CBD OIL , but I'm also dealing with Gastroperisis stomach issues which I wake up every morning feeling very sick, nausea, bloating and stomach pain, if it's not one thing it's another, fatigue and dizziness and it's been a hard year for me, had to quit my job because I have to have shoulder surgery I was a cosmetologist for 26 years, both knees replacement and lower back pain let's pray for each other 💜

[Cat_cat44]

Hi Siara_14, I'm so sorry you went through a very traumatic situation; I pray for your healing and peace. I commend you, you sound like a very strong person, we are all here for you. Please take your time and allow yourself to heal. The guys will always be there but you come #1 always. I'm still learning that myself. If u ever wanna talk message me.❤️❤️

[Siara_14]

Thank you all for your comments I deleted the dating apps. I’ve really realized that I am harming myself by being in the dating scene because I’m not even close to healing from what’s happened and I have really been in victim mode which is also not doing any good mentally. These guys made me feel like I’m crazy because of how I react to stuff and respond and what not. I don’t know how to go back to trusting people especially guys and all that again. It’s really hard. I’m thankful I posted on here because it’s made me feel a little better.

[Sprinkle1]

Hello from a fellow rape victim, it happened years ago and I am over it, but it took time. One thing I would suggest is you find the Rape Counseling Service closest to you. It is run by trained volunteers I became one myself at one time. You need help, support and a safe place to get your anger out. If there is not one in your area, find a therapist who deals with rape victims, you need to be free of the suffering. As for males in your life, leave them out until you are healed. My heart is with you, I send you blessings, love and healing. Sprinkle 1 xxx

[Hidden]

I think the anger could be PTSD. I've been reading up on it lately and one of the things people are advised not to do is react when the PTSD person has a sudden outburst. Don't be hard on yourself, don't think you have bipolar, because you will put another obstacle in your recovery. I know the anger that you get and the outbursts, I also know how it feels for someone to say your not normal, your cold, your crazy.... remember there is someone for everyone and someone will come along and love every little thing you do and say. I wouldn't even give up on dating, because it will help you find someone your compatible with, by getting rid of your app, your stopping doing something you previously enjoyed. Even if you just make a few friends on there, it will help you regain your trust and confidence. Just be cautious if meeting up with people.. public place. Don't start isolating yourself, because it's one of the worst things to do. Better you have your outbursts with guys on the dating app, than sitting at home having outbursts to yourself ?