Depressed and suicidal

[AngieBrooke]

Hello everyone. I am new here and don't know how to use the forum yet, so hope I am posting correctly. I am 55, disabled due to PTSD and major depression, and there is literally no joy in my life. I want to end it all.

[gilded_masquerade]

Hello Angie, I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling the best.Do you have anyone in your life you can talk to about how you're feeling?

Do you have any hobbies or anything that can help keep you distracted?

I want to say thank you for posting as well, for new members it's not always an easy thing to do.

No matter how you're feeling know that you can come here and talk without judgment, this community will support you no matter what.

If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me.

You're worth more than your darkness, stay strong ❤️

[AngieBrooke in reply to gilded_masquerade]

Thank you. I have no friends and my adult kids live out of state. There is no one to talk to. And my kids don't understand. My house is falling apart. I can't afford to fix it, and I begin a new job on Monday but am uncertain about transportation in the future. I do believe in God, and know I should put more faith in Him. Depression makes it hard.

[gilded_masquerade in reply to AngieBrooke]

You're absolutely right, depression is extremely hard to kick some days but I think it's important to hold onto the good moments or people we have.

Whenever I feel like I can't carry on, I think about my friends and family, I couldn't hurt them like that. Despite how I'm feeling I couldn't bear having them hurt.

You're a strong person, I know that much because you came here despite everyone being a stranger to talk about how you're feeling, if that's not a form of strength or bravery, I don't know what is.

Depression may at times shake your faith but it won't take it away from you. ❤️

[AngieBrooke in reply to gilded_masquerade]

Thank you so much. My faith is being tested, but you're right in that I still have it. My suicide would hardly affect a soul. My parents died of murder suicide when I was a child. This has been a black cloud hanging over me since then. I have no family, and my kids would grieve superficially and briefly. They would soon get over it. When pain is all there is, there is nothing to live for.

[gilded_masquerade in reply to AngieBrooke]

I'm so sorry to hear that :/

But you are important and worth saving.

There will only ever be one of you in this world, you're irreplaceable despite how it may feel some days.

God loves you and put you here for a reason, when it doubt turn to him.

This world needs you ❤️

[ksc46]

hello angie. I am new to this group too. I almost feel better knowing I am not the only one who feels this way. I just keep reading posts looking for anything positive. this anxiety is awful to live with. And no help on how to stop it. So even tho we don't know each other just take it a day at a time and pray for answers. that is all I can do at this point

[AngieBrooke in reply to ksc46]

Thank you. You are in my prayers. I hope things improve for you. This depression is a black cloud shrouding a black hole.

[Hidden]

Hi and Welcome!

I can completely relate to how you’re feeling. My spiritual side is best cultivated by making a daily, morning routine out of it. I read from a daily devotional, then read the associated scriptures and then I talk to God. I need quiet time without interruptions. This routine is imperative for positive thinking! I have found that I cannot make it without that daily talk/connection. After practicing for awhile, you begin to look forward to that quiet time. I’m so glad you’re here sharing and I hope you begin to see that beautiful light shining down, engulfing you in peace and joy!

[Southpark]

Hi Angie. I agree with what everyone wrote. You are special in God’s eyes. It is horrible to Be in such pain. I struggle through it a lot. God is what keeps me going. If it wasn’t for my faith I would not make it. You have experienced horrible things and I am so sorry for that. Do you go to a counselor to talk to? My counselor told me to journal and write out my thoughts. Also to write out all the good things God has done for me in the past. Then look at them when the darkness comes. She said it would create neuro-pathways in the brain. We are all here for you. I’m so thankful for the encouragement from everyone here. Please call the suicide hotline if you have no one to talk to. There is one called Resolve: 1-888-796-8226