After a very hard last 4-5 years of my life I feel my depression has only gotten worse and worse causing me to not be myself at all. So a couple months ago, I finally asked for help after I had spent most of my life battling depression. The past 4-5 years has been a constant struggle for me in school, work, doing daily activities, taking care of responsibilities, relationships with family friends, etc. Being said, I am so tired of isolating myself from the world, questioning my purpose in life and my future. I am tired of letting myself down and letting this cycle repeat itself over and over again until I feel I have nothing left anymore. I am on medication, I am in therapy, I am trying to be patient but I just want to know how can I get better? How does someone with depression find the motivation to go about a normal life without letting their mind get in the way of it? I am tired of having crying spells out of nowhere, sleeping all the time, feeling lazy, emotional, irritated, and hopeless, all alone, with a lifeless personality. I want to be "me" again, I want to be in control of my life, and not let my depression have a say so in what I am capable of doing or in everyday for every move I can or can't make. Depression has made life that much harder on me and I feel like even though I know I need to be patient because I've only been in treatment for a few months, I still don't know how to get any better or if my medication is working or if I should be talking about particular things in therapy? When will I be able to see an improvement?
My depression is ruining everything I want in life and it's making me forget what is important to me. I feel worn down, I feel lost, I am losing interest in things that I have always loved and I find myself giving up on goals because they feel impossible, or just because I have failed, doubted myself, made mistakes or ruined relationships, I cannot go about the process of pursuing the future I wanted to have. It sucks because this is not how I ever pictured life would be at this stage of my life. I expected myself to be in a much better place than this yet three months ago I found myself crying in a psychiatrists office wondering what the hell is wrong with me and constantly apologizing to my peers for being so emotionally unstable. The whole reason I decided to get help is because I have had enough and I don't want this to become who I am because it is not who I am at all. I just want to get better, why's that so hard? Am I permanently messed up or can I still recover?
- Thanks for any help or advice or words of encouragement you can give me.