Can I trust anyone

[Lifesearching]

I’m just struggling with trusting anyone. I’ve reached some life milestones recently, but people around me have shown their true colors. I can’t tell what terms I’m on with them, even those close to me I’m keeping a close eye on like things they say or do. I don’t completely believe they’re happy for me no matter what their words say.

I’m constantly worried if I’m being betrayed behind my back. I get that saying of “self fulfilling prophecy”, but I iust have a super messy past that’s been hard to work through even after two years of therapy. I barely know if my last therapist even wanted the best for me because they were so inconsistent.

I just had to let this out. My town is so small that if I told someone about my problem they’d likely tell others about it :/ I’ve been praying to God for guidance as the cliche goes, but it’s just hard tonight if anyone has some advice.

So far, people close to me who say they trustworthy have been nothing but consistent and supportive. I should be happy, but I just have this deep seated fear that behind closed doors they have another personality that’s malicious. It’s super hard for me to even accept if someone is nice! Makes me think there’s an ulterior motive

[Dolphin14]

Lifesearching

I'm not sure what your diagnosis is but I don't think your thoughts are uncommon. Many of us overthink what we think people are saying behind our backs.

We have to come to a realization that this may be totally false based on our fears, or it's totally true and there's nothing we can do about it.

We have to retrain the brain to stop obsessing over it.

Great book out that some of us are reading.... Mel Robbins ..... Let Them. I will probably be reading it more than once so I can really absorb and practice the theory

🐬

[Lifesearching in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you so much for that insight🙏🏽🙏🏽

[Lifesearching in reply to Dolphin14]

There’s this other book I’ve been reading “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale that’s been helping a lot, just helps to have actual advice from real people

[Dolphin14 in reply to Lifesearching]

I will check that out. Thank you for mentioning it

I'm glad it's helping

[CLB1125]

ever hear the saying “the proofs in the pudding “? They will show their true colors in time. I have learned to share only what I don’t care who hears it. The rest I keep to myself or share with my therapist. Or in here. Nobody knows our identities so it’s a safe place. As for a small town, I live in one, people know more about you than you do! That’s why I talk to an online therapist.

[Lifesearching in reply to CLB1125]

thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to respond🙏🏽🙏🏽

[Lifesearching in reply to CLB1125]

I think u gave me confirmation to get an online therapist rather than an in person one

[jadeite11]

Hi there, Firstly it sounds like you have been through alot and it can be difficult to trust people if you have been betrayed in the past. All would say is that its ok to take things slowly with people, time helps build trust. If you re not sure thats ok, perhaps don't open up too quickly about too much. Writing a diary is great as you can be your own best friend, and can keep this locked away if you want. Then you can be honest with yourself about exactly whats making you feel like you ront trust someone. Sometimes its your intuition warning you that tis person may not have your best interests at heart. The other thing I would say is that it is good that you are trying to still build relationships and open up abit because being a little vulnerable although uncomfortable at times will allow them to open up to you too. Trust yourself too is another thing I would say, maybe they are not your tribe and maybe you need to search people out more on your wavelength. Finally just remember all of us are human and we all make mistakes and sometimes our intention is not to hurt someone but maybe we do, so allow the human in yourself and others as long as you are not putting yourself in harms way all the time. There are many u tube video and books out there to explore things for yourself. I have also been highly intuitive and knew that someone wasnt right for me, then failed to trust my intuition. There are books out there about intuition that may help and highly sensitive people. This is all just info. though, you have to try things to see what is right for you. I wish you all the best ..

[Lifesearching in reply to jadeite11]

Thank you so much for your words and taking the time to respond. I feel validated knowing someone sees I’ve been thru a lot, not that I’m being a victim but it seriously has affected my judgment on the present day way more than I thought. My old therapist who apparently lessened their hours didn’t help either, as they would be unavailable when I needed them most. It just felt super fishy and it’s weird how much more peaceful I feel since they left my life. I’m looking for new one still so wanted to hop in here to see if anyone has opinions.

I get that about trusting intuition, I’ve been thru enough to kind of gauge people just by what they say or their facial expressions, etc. Currently I’ve had someone close to me really earn my trust, like to a point where I would be absolutely horrified if I found out there someone they aren’t! So I think lately I’ve been getting these “feelings” that I’m not sure are just the fears or feelings from past hurts, or if it’s that voice in my head saying “hey look out!”

[jadeite11]

I hope it helped x Its really important to find the right tgerapist fir you too x I wish you well, it sounds like you have learned and become stronger for it x