Loneliness

[Shutterbug65]

I wish I could go back in time and do so many things differently. I lost all of my friends, I hardly hear from my family and this all happened because I let it happen. I pushed people away but certainly my anxiety and depression had a lot to due with it. As a kid I was always very shy. But I’m tired of making excuses. I never been married or have any children. I actually look forward to work simply so I can be around other people. I don’t want to be alone, and I’m so afraid of what will become of me.

I could go on but basically I’m so tired of living. I’m so tired of waking up feeling this way, I’m tired of meds. I’m 53 and I just want it to end.

[Minnnie]

I can understand what are you feeling like. Everybody needs a campaign but we forgot something that we came alone in this world and when we will leave from this world nobody will accompany us.

For people like us who are or were in depression and anxiety lost there precious years dealing with our fears but we cannot help it because it’s not in our hand Nobody wants to feel depressed for purpose. What’s gone is gone. Look ahead doesn’t matter if it doesn’t seems like what u dreamt of but wait for a moment and realise that u can see the world whether it’s good or bad and on the other hand there are a lot of people who can’t even see.

[CazO46]

Hi Shutterbug, I don't think it is ever too late to make changes and make your life better. Perhaps you could think about reaching out to friends and family now. I'm sure even after a long time they will accept you, wouldn't you accept them if it was the other way about? I know it's not easy especially with anxiety and depression but it is possible. I wish you good luck, you are not alone

[Shutterbug65 in reply to CazO46]

Thank you for your kind response. I just feel like a loser compared to the rest of my family. They are all doing so well. I have a half sister, 16 years younger than me and we weren’t raised together. So we are not all that close. I just have so much anxiety and fear. My girlfriend of nearly 9 years passed away 8 years ago and I haven’t met anyone since. I just miss her so much. My Dad passed four years ago and since then I’ve been mostly alone.

I can’t take this to much longer, I feel like I’m the only one who suffers like this. And I do think of suicide once in awhile. I just don’t know where my life will lead. I don’t sleep well because I’m always worried. But the thing is I wasn’t always this way. I wish I could go back to those times and rediscover my happiness again.

I apologize for the long response. Thank you so much for taking the time to message me.

[Starrlight in reply to Shutterbug65]

I often think of the old days, too, times I was not suffering as much from fear and the other aspects of mental illnesses. I am so sorry about your girlfriend and my heart goes out to you. I hope this place will help you feel less alone.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Starrlight]

I was happier when I was younger. I miss the life I had., especially the people who were in it. I miss my grandparents so much, even though they been gone for many years I felt so happy and secure. I never imagined my life would turn out this way. I miss that happiness, that joy and most of all the feeling of not being worried and sad. I’m not sure what will become of me and that’s a very scary thought. Who will take care of me when I need help? Do others feel this lonely?

[Starrlight in reply to Shutterbug65]

I could have written much of that. I feel like not sure what will become of me too and it brings such anxiety. I feel like my life is ending. I think you will be happy again even if the worry and sadness creep in, I hope you can still have moments of joy and peace along your journey. It is for sure possible.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Starrlight]

It’s certainly a scary thought, being alone. My sleep is poor because I used to wake at 4:00 or 5:00 am in a state of instant anxiety. I think and constantly go over every aspect of my life and what has become of it. One worrisome thought leads to another until I’m on the verge of a panic attack. I take Doxepin before I go to bed and that helps, I no longer wake up that early, now it’s 5:30 or 6:00 lol. But the thing is the mornings are always the worst time for me. I’m tired of dealing with this, I’m tired of being alone, I’m tired of being so sad.

[Starrlight in reply to Shutterbug65]

Yes one worrisome thought can easily lead to another... I am sorry you are suffering...I used to practice positive thinking and it retrained my brain nicely but now it’s just not working the way it once did. But you know we are never really completely alone well I don’t believe we are. I hear you it’s all very tiresome but there is hope I think I really believe it, sometimes anyway. I’m here any time you want to talk. Best to you!

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you for your understanding. These feelings of loneliness and isolation make all my troubles seem so much worse. It’s just that I don’t see things getting better. I see a phychiatrist and she said I live my life in a very narrow safety zone.

[Starrlight in reply to Shutterbug65]

I can relate I’m tired of feeling sad and alone I have people with me but in my illness I feel cut off from everyone a lot of the time. Things do get better. I’m sorry about what your psychiatrist said. I wonder if you feel that is correct? I feel for myself that I have small zones I stay in like towards people since typically I stay to myself and with driving I can allow myself to go only so far before I am struck with panic. Sometimes something out of the norm will trigger me some days almost anything will trigger me. I wonder what would make you less sad?

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Starrlight]

I’m sorry I haven’t replied. I’ll write back soon. I’m getting ready for work.

[Starrlight in reply to Shutterbug65]

No problem. Hope you have a good day!

[clj460 in reply to Shutterbug65]

I just found this group today. I hear everything you are saying. Being alone is hard. Losing people is hard - I lost 2 siblings in the past 6 years, so I understand . One of them was also my closest friend. Reaching out to friends who used to be in your life is hard, but they may be glad to hear from you. At almost 61 years old, although I don't have social anxiety, I really only have 2 close friends, but they have their own lives too. A pet or roommate is out of the question for me, but maybe they're an option for you. This is the first summer I have felt so alone, and although I do many things alone, I'm now tired of that, so I stay home a lot. Talking helps me. Are you in therapy?

[hypercat54]

Hi I get that as I am older than you and have never been married or had any kids either. What has kept me going all these years is friends and having a couple of passions in my life. Sometimes it has all been too much though and I get thoughts like you.

I think as we get older we are keener to have family and friends around us so my advice is start mending bridges with them if you can. x

[Shutterbug65 in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks. I don’t have much family. I have a half sister but she lives up in Massachusetts, I’m in N.J. She’s 16 years younger than me, we weren’t raised together so we never developed that closeness. I have cousins but it seems they are all busy with their own lives. I feel like a loser, my life is so empty. And I’m so frightened of what will become of me. I don’t see anything good, and all I do is worry.

Thank you for your reply. Sorry for my late response.

[CaptainCrunch in reply to Shutterbug65]

Don’t give up. You are not a loser though you may feel that way. Just posting here is sewing good seed. It just takes some time to see the harvest. Always keep in touch and keep posting and reading. You are not alone in this struggle called life.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Thank you Captain. I’m so happy you responded. I’m at work today because I can’t stand to be home. I actually get anxiety on Friday with the thought of another lonely anxiety filled weekend. So I need something to do. Compared to the rest of my family I do feel like a loser. We used to be close to some of my cousins years ago but time marches on and we grew apart. They all have good lives with families, some have kids that are in college already. So much time went by.

But I made this life. I pushed people away by not showing up for family things. I just never felt comfortable around people, even my own family. They always seemed to be better than me. I guess part of my anxiety is that Im constantly comparing myself to others. And to me they ( my cousins) made a good life for themselves. And Im the pathetic loner.

Thanks for posting Brian. I got to get back to work. But I feel a little bit better. I just feel alone in this struggle.

[CazO46]

I'm so sorry about your girlfriend that's heartbreaking. Are you kept awake at night with fears of being alone? I know that anxiety and depression can keep you feeling islolated but you have already started to break that cycle by reaching out here. Sometimes telling people you are why is a great way to break the ice when starting a conversation. It's surprising how many people will say "me too" ☺️ It's ok to be just as you are but I think it does mean we have to accept the vulnerability that putting yourself out there brings. None of us know where life will lead but it could just as easily bring happiness. Is there someone haven't spoken to for a while that you would feel safe enough getting back in touch with? We are all at risk of overthinking but I'm sure you can do it. You are not alone and you don't need to be alone you can make little changes to make your life better. Best of luck X

[Hidden]

Your not a loser..

Every good wish to you x

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

How do you post photos on this site?

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

When you write a new post ..it says add photo , you click and choose a photo from your photos 😊

[Shutterbug65]

Thank you. But I feel like one. Have a great day. 🙏☺️

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

🌻 hope your day is kind to you x

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. So far it’s the same as every other day. Hope your day has gone well.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

Not bad 😊

[Dubba61]

Hello Shutterbug, I'm a little older than you. But, apart f

[Dubba61]

Stupid phone! 😊 As i was saying. Out of a large family i only see my daughter and one Aunt. Mainly because most of my family don't even try to understand Mental health issues. Like you i have had thoughts of not wanting to be here. But, these thoughts pass. I lost my Boyfriend 6 years ago n my Mum last year. And they were both very valuable to me n to my life. Recently i have started to make good friends by Volunteering locally. No one expects you to be perfect n no one is perfect. So it takes a good friend to be a good friend. We have to try to overlook our differences. I find i no longer want a life partner, n that friendships suit me better. Maybe you can concentrate on finding friends too? Best of luck 😊🌻✌️

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Dubba61]

I would like nothing more than to make a few friendships. I’m just so self conscious and always believe others will judge me negatively. All my life I only had a few close friends. And for 8 years it was just myself and my girlfriend, other than a few family events we pretty much did things ourselves.

I just wish I could go back to happier times and get out of this cycle of constant anxiety. I hate being home, everything seems so much worse when I’m home alone. And I’m tired of meds. I can’t help but keep thinking I’m a loser compared to others.

Thanks

[Dubba61]

I don't think your a loser. Shutterbug. I just think your a sensitive, person who suffers from anxiety. I do too. And i think it's about finding ways to liive WITH it.Often that means taking Meds. We can only move forward and longing for the past won't help us. Best then, try to make a new future. Good luck 😊✌️🌻