Depressed and alone

[KimmieV]

Hi, im Kim. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 23. Im 47 now and the list of diagnosing has extended to bipolar and personality disorder. Not sure what all that means. I no longer work. My nursing carer just increased my anxiety. I no longer have any friends. I don't want to leave my house. All my housework is a major task and I find it hard to accomplish anything. I have 3 children who I thought understood my illness but my daughter hasn't spoken to me in 18months. I've held my only grand child once! She says I'm toxic ! And doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm crushed. Nothing makes me happy, I have no motivation. I have suicidal impulses. Im on meds but still can't dig out of this hole. Please help me!

[tamka38]

Sorry to hear that, it makes our illness worse when the people we love don’t understand what we go through daily. I don’t have any friends and the only time my cousin comes around when she want to drink and I stop drinking 2 weeks ago and I suppose to go to my cousin birthday party but am scared because I know they going to pressure me to drink when I don’t want too. U should let your daughter know how u feel and how much u miss your grand baby

[KimmieV in reply to tamka38]

I asked my daughter if we could talk via message and she said no, she had nothing to say to me. I was on life support for a month and she never called or visited. I dwell on this situation sometimes. I had all kinds of so called friends when I drank and worked. Quit all of it and there went my friends. Explain your concerns to your cousin. Maybe the two of you could celebrate another way?

[tamka38 in reply to KimmieV]

Drinking is all they know and not willing to stop for me they will just get mad and ask me why I come if I wasn’t going to drink

[Marshall64 in reply to tamka38]

Just tell them you are taking medication that doesn't mix with alcohol.

[Change7777]

KimmieV, sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I'm 48 with major depression, ptsd, anxiety, ocd, and a eating disorder. I also have grandchildren. Hope your relationship with your daughter improves so you can see your GC.

My motivation is about zero. My sucidal thoughts increased since resigned from my job in April. I lost my only therapist I was able to connect with. I'm really lost right now. No one understands my situation. I guess it's the same with your daughter and grand daughter. The only reason I feel my daughter understands because she is in the medical field. She does not know about the suicidal thoughts. Healthunlocked is a great place for help.

[KimmieV in reply to Change7777]

Im sorry to hear about your therapist. A good one is hard to find! I'm hoping meeting ppl that understand will help. I hide behind a mask and im good at it! No one knows what's racing in my head

[Change7777 in reply to KimmieV]

Yes, I completely understand. The mind racing and isolation over powers my life.

[BrandiJo]

Well good news is, now you do have friends. I personally want to give you an open ear and lending hand. I’m 24 and have been depressed since 13 and recently have started to notice more going on... I’m truly sorry for how you feel, but you are not alone. PLEASE KNOW THAT. <3

[KimmieV in reply to BrandiJo]

Thank you sooo much. It's helpful when someone understands how I feel. I try to think back to when I noticed depression symptoms and I do believe I was young as well. Life didn't start out so well for me but, im not sure how much of that affects me now. Therapists want to bring all that stuff up and I would leave therapy feeling worse! Thanks for lending an ear!

[BrandiJo in reply to KimmieV]

Hmmmm... I have a girlfriend who has many issues due to unfortunate events in the past. She hated talking about it or bringing it up. But she found a therapist she liked and finally opened up. Did her own self healing at home, and now she’s able to try and resolve some of the underlying pain. It’s a battle, but you never know if you can win the battle until you start to fight. You’re awesome Kimmie, and God has a purpose for you. Give all your worries away to God, then let your heart rest and trust that he will guide you.

[SuzanneJohn in reply to BrandiJo]

What do u mean by more going on?

[tamka38]

Ok

[Ayla-Kat]

We understand. The people are so nice here. It is hard when the people you love don't understand. I'm off meds because I moved states and lost healthcare. So, I understand daily activities can be draining and overwhelming. Some days I'm angry or depressed.

I work as a Special Education teacher. It is so stressful but I love the children. I took a teaching and I'm so anxious and stressed about getting back to the work force.

when you are feeling really severe . Perhaps try breathing slowly. Or take a shower and pretend the water washes away your pain.try to get out of your head for a minute. listen to good music or watch a stand up comedian. I know these are small things but just things to get you through. I don't have friends near me. So I take care of myself.

Get a picture of yourself when you were little. try to comfort yourself like you would a child. I do that because no one will comfort me.

I keep a notebook of my worries and fears. I draws a line down the middle and see if I can solve it. If not, I leave it to God and pray.

Please be kind to yourself. It will take some time. Plants don't grow if you pour a bunch of water and let it scorch in the sun. It needs to be nurtured. sending you love and hope.

[KimmieV in reply to Ayla-Kat]

It's 2am here and I couldn't sleep. It was so nice to read your reply just now. I will define try try some of your techniques. Thank you for listening! It also takes someone with so much love in their heart to be a special ed teacher. God love you! I hope you can find insurance soon. I know my meds help!

[Hidden]

So sorry to hear about the difficult time you are having. There are lots of people here who will offer you support and empathy. Please keep reaching out and communicating. We all need each other. Take care,

[KimmieV in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!

[menagerie11]

Dear KimmieV, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. There are lots of great, supportive people on this site who you can connect with. I hope that you are seeing a professional for support, and belong to a support group. Both of those things can make big impact, as well as taking a course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Have you thought of volunteering somewhere? That could help you make social connections and make some friends. Sending positive vibes and hugs.

[menagerie11]

Also, if there is a crisis line or mental health support line in your area, you can usually call them to talk to someone supportive and understanding. All the best.

[KimmieV in reply to menagerie11]

I see a psychiatrist but that is all. I need to learn some coping skills. There is no one to call here. Our crisis line just wants to know if you feel like hurting yourself or others. Guess that's all the time they have??? I would love to volunteer at the hospital. Im not sure how to go about that but, I can call. I have talked to some awesome ppl the past 2 days. Thanks for the reply!

[menagerie11]

Hi KimmieV! You might want to try an on-line course in CBT, or check out a website that offers self-help CBT. I know that there is a self-help toolkit at anxietybc.com for CBT, as well as various coping strategies for anxiety. Most hospitals have a volunteer department and if you call,they will likely have you fill out an application form and go for an interview...and then place you in a volunteer role. If that doesn't work out, there are personal care homes, organizations that work with animals, and scads of others that are usually looking for volunteers. I know someone who volunteers every night of the week to keep herself engaged and involved with people and activities. It can make a big difference in how we feel about ourselves and help us to get out of our own heads and focused on something or someone else. Another thing that helps me is light exercise. I just came in to take a bit of a break from cleaning out flower beds. The exercise helps to wear off the adrenaline that anxiety creates. A friend of mine gets on a treadmill whenever she feels anxious, and another one either goes for a walk or rides her bike. All of these things help with both anxiety and depression. So glad that you are connecting with people on the site! We all need support and encouragement. Sending positive thoughts, surrounding you with love, care, protection and energy. Blessings!

[KimmieV in reply to menagerie11]

Thank you for your support and kind words. You gave me several healthy tips. I'll be looking into them! God Bless

[menagerie11]

You, too KimmieV!

[sassyell]

Hi Kimmiev so sorry you suffer from depression and is feeling alone I've been in your situation. It is such a painful feeling when no one is there for you if even for a spell to get your mind off of the things that are bothering you, this world is often a lonely place. One thing I got up enough courage and strength to do was to volunteer, and what a blessing it was for me. Please trust God He can get you through this He will never leave you or forsaken you, He is the source of my strength when I have none, He was the one that carried me through when I felt hopeless and alone.

Please dismiss any thoughts of hurting yourself I will be here for you if you need a friend. Have you ever thought of getting a puppy, I did and he has made a difference in my life. Because of him I get up in the morning when I did not have the strength to do so. Be courageous you are going to be ok, may God bless you in a special way.