I think my marriage has made me depressed

I know that sounds so unfair. I’ve been married 16 years and live in a foreign country. His country. We have 3 kids. When we go married I was in love and didn’t see the negatives. I was financially dependent on him. And while he complained about that, I think he liked it. Because he complained, I created a job for myself. I did well. I did really well. He ruined his business. Because me unemployed. Then unemployable. Which each step forward, each accolade I received he became angrier. More aggressive. I can never share my successes with him. When I come home at night, I try to retreat a quickly as possible. I cry almost daily. He seems to enjoy this. So I don’t do it in front of him . A year ago my doctor gave me Zoloft. It worked a little. But I told my husband and he ridiculed and shamed me for taking it. Then it started to cause weight gain. And he made fun of that. I’ve been off it for 4 months now. Here I am a foreign woman. Unlikeable for my foreigness, success, and womaness. At home I am invisible. Leaving the marriage isn’t an option. because I am foreign I would lose my children and my business. Feeling hopeless.

[Hidden]

Hi Durie.

So sorry to hear how awful you feel.

I wanted to send good wishes your way, and hope that things change for you. As life can sometimes change in good ways we never thought possible.

🌺🌺🌺 xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou Olivia40

[hypercat54]

Hi what an awful situation you are in and I feel very sorry for you. Are you sure you would lose your kids if you left your abusive husband? Have you checked it out with a solicitor?

If there is nothing you can do to physically change your situation all you can do is change your attitude towards it. Do you have friends outside of the home? If not can you make any? You need to have support and love in your life and if your husband won't provide it then you will have to get it from others. Don't forget a few small changes in your life can really mount up and enable you to stay for your children's sake.

They won't be children forever so there is hope on the horizon for you. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I know. And most of the time I’m good at focusing on those kinds of things. That’s why I’m good at my job. But sometimes it’s really hard.

[fauxartist]

so ...do what I did....live somewhere else.....stay married till you figure out how to get out of it...and start having a life....he does not love you...he want's to control you, that's not caring or loving....he will eventually destroy you....get out.....figure out how to get your finances secured...and make a plan....staying will only get worse....it may take some time, and careful planning...but if I can do it...so can you.....the welfare of the kids and myself was the only thing important....

[Byelka]

Do you think he'd be open to marriage counseling? It sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place. It may be worth while to talk to an attorney just to see what your options are. You never know, you may have more options than you realize and talking with someone who is knowledgeable might at least make you feel like you're moving in the right direction. What country are you in/where are you from?

[Hidden in reply to Byelka]

I’m Canadian but live on Italy and Italy follows the Geneva convention for custody. And my business is in Italy but the physical space it’s located is owned by his family. It’s a hard no on counseling. I’ve already tried.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

So does Italy automatically give custody to the father then? That's awful. As far as counselling goes it is not something one tries for a while and say oh it's not working time to stop it. It took a long time for you to feel that way and it will take time for it to start helping. you.

I agree with the others that you need to look at your options. x

[Byelka]

It still may be a good idea to take steps as if you were planning to leave him. Save some money up, do some research about where you could live etc. It will be good for you to have some stability just in case, and talking with a lawyer/solicitor (not sure what they are called there) about options, look into what it would take to become a citizen there etc. Are you close to anyone in his family? Not necessarily to talk to now, but someone that may be an advocate for you if it came down to it?