I have been avoiding my husband all week because of my depression. He doesn’t know how to talk to me when I’m in it so now he is done with me for treating him like this.
idk what to. I wrote 6 pages of stuff and left it for him at home when he gets off work. God i hope I haven’t fucked this up too
Hey Greyhoundlove,
I get where you are coming from. My depression was a huge problem in my marriage as well. Actually, my PTSD was (depression and anxiety were under that.) My spouse tried to be very understanding and comforting, but he never really knew what to say and NEVER really understood what depression really was- he had led a very privileged life and had no real depressive episodes to use as a reference.
For many reasons, my marriage ended- though I am not sure that my mental health was a HUGE part of it, there were other things... but I found that explaining my depression and PTSD through easy-to-understand stories helped.
For example... If I were feeling triggered by something, I often said (or wrote to him) that: I don't mean to be ungrateful, demeaning or upset. Please know that I am not MAD, I have many other emotions right now and I am struggling to help this. Give me time, and I will be better.
Another one I often still use with people is: imagine that you are thrown into a pool. You would instinctively kick to keep your head up. I was just triggered/anxious/PTSD is bad and I feel like my body is reacting to that, which is affecting my mental state. Almost automatically.
I hope these might help, or spark ideas for you 
Thank you. I am so scared
Just want you to know you are not alone in this. My depression has affected my marriage negatively in so many ways.
From your description, it sounds like you might benefit from going to a marital therapist.
Hoping all works out for you. Depression sucks Rick
You have an illness called depression and you're hoping YOU didn't screw up the relationship with your husband? You owe it to yourself first of all, to realize this isn't YOUR fault. It just is! Seeing a councilor, doctor, or therapist would be your first important step. You need to tell someone close to you that you need help with depression. There are a lot of good medications now and you need to see if they'd help you feel better. You can't take care of anyone else if you don't first take care of yourself! Do you have Greys? I loved my Greyhound, black and white and good sized too!
Hi. I have been battling severe depression since 2016. I have been seeing my therapist for over 2 years. I was actually doing really well for a few months and wanted to go at it without meds, so I weaned off lexapro and was just finished with my Wellbutrin when my episode started. I contacted my psychiatrist and we have decided for me to go back on just the Wellbutrin. My husband and I talked (he still loves me), and I actually found support at work yesterday from coworkers. I am doing much better today.
I have 2 retired racers from Florida. I have Missy - tall red brindle girl @ 65lbs 49 races, and Trigger - male cow dog @ 65lbs 18 races. They are the best! Hard to cuddle though
Please take a deep breath.
You say he does not know how to talk to you. Have you been direct in giving him an alternative? What I mean is have you told him what you need, not just what you don't need? "Honey, I know this is hard to understand. What would really help me is just be a good listener, not trying to fix me. I am taking small steps in my recovery and I would really love it if you could be my shoulder to cry on if I need it, if you could give me a big hug and help me through a grounding moment (look up grounding techniques), or take something off of my plate on a day when I just can't do it all."
There is no shame and no blame. It is what it is. Figure out some way to regroup and invite him to do it with you. Slow, deep breathing is an easy and really beneficial strategy to returning to the moment.
Thank you! I’m not sure I’ve heard of grounding techniques. Will definitely look that up.
IF ANYONE IS LISTENING… EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IS FINE AND I HAVE STARTED TO RECOVER AGAIN! THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS.
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