Home Alone

[jchocolate4u]

I'm new to the group, my husband has anxiety issues bad where he doesn't like being left home alone. It makes me angry and when I try to talk to him about getting help he gets angry and don't want to talk about it what should I do?

[Hidden]

Just be there for him..

[jchocolate4u in reply to Hidden]

I'm probably more there for him then I should be at times. I feel I could be hindering him from getting over this fear of being home alone. Now it's affecting him getting a job and working🤷‍♀️

[CazO46]

It's hard to communicate when you feel angry, it might be better for you both if you wait for a " good' day and ask him what he thinks might help him to cope better with his anxiety. I understand your frustration but you might have more success if you think about approaching this condition in a different way that will ultimately benefit you both. Does he go for therapy or is this something he could do? Take care

[jchocolate4u in reply to CazO46]

I'm only angry when he doesn't want to talk about it. I've approached him so calm and collect he just doesn't want to talk about it. I made an appointment for him to talk to a therapist, he felt I was saying he was a mental patient so I've stopped even signing him up for help. I just really don't know what else to do😭

[CazO46 in reply to jchocolate4u]

IT must be very hard if he just shuts down. Is there anyone else who could talk to him about therapy or even suggest you go with him for the first few sessions? I'm sure you have tried all of things. Do you think he might respond well to a short letter from you telling how much you love him but he needs more help than you can offer, just a thought xx

[jchocolate4u in reply to CazO46]

He's very private and don't want other people to know he have issues. Thanks, I will try the letter!

[jchocolate4u]

He was adopted when he was about 2 years old, I feel he's afraid of abandonment. He's at least explained that much to me.

[fauxartist]

Then you need to just stop trying....your hitting a brick wall....go around it. Abandonment issues are very deep wounds in the limbic region of the brain...it's primal....and often debilitating if not dealt with. I know,... I have them. You cannot fix him....you may want to try reading everything you can on line to understand what it is, and find anything you can on how you can cope yourself with it. You cannot be prisoner to his issues if he won't help himself....this is not a waiting game...it won't get better without intervention...and it looks like your gonna have to take charge of finding help for yourself on how to cope with him first. Reassurance your not leaving him....all that stuff can only go so far...your already angry around it, understandably, it's frustrating not moving forward, but he cannot seem to help himself. So if you love him and want to stay with him...take care of you...do what you need to do....and if he complains because you have to go out and do stuff....just tell him....you always come back....but you will never change him unless he wants to....not without help.